... zig zagging through the daydream ...

Hollywood Suck!

2011-11-15T01:14:00.000-08:00

As a single girl, it kills me to watch Hollywood movies. Hollywood loves the idea of finding love and exploits it hard both in good and bad ways! I can't speak for those that are in a relationship. Does Hollywood torture you too with exposing all of love's problems and dilemmas? Do they?

So here are my 3 most annoying moments about love, being single, and Hollywood (which actually means, I really want it to happen to me but there is no way in hell that it would!!!)

1. Sex and the City 2, the movie.
Aidan says to Carrie, 'You're not like other women'.
Now is THAT a pick up line or what? A man, like Aidan says to Carrie who is already wrinkled that she's not like other women, when in fact she shops for shoes rather than pay mortgage. She is so a like other women. Now Samantha is not like 'other women'. I bet you, Sarah Jessica Parker just needed to hear that and inserted it in the script!

2. Eat, Pray, Love
When the dude (can't remember the characters name) says to Liz 'You don't need a man, you need a champion!'. Yeah sure he didn't explicitly imply it for himself but come on! The hell with champions, lets go with Greek Gods who muscles to destroy the universe. Even Hades, god of the underworld that lives with demons and worms, has a great body! Which comes to my last moment.

3. Crazy Stupid Love
I just watched it. Loved it because Steve Carell was and is awesome (in every movie)! But that's not the reason this movie made it to this absurd list. It made it because Ryan Gossling just had to take of his shirt off!!! To be honest, he's a bit too big and muscular for me, but I'm not complaining. Like, how much crueler can you go? OH.... A LOT! He plays this womanizer that falls for the PG-13 girl. Right! *rolling eyes

And for the record, I think every man should have a classic 'Ray Ban' sunnies that suit their face. I swear it makes the face stay in its 20s.

Dear Hollywood, KMN! (Kill Me Now! Just learned it from The Big Bang Theory. Love it!!)

Maybe I should just go indie!

A Looser, I Am! But Loyal.

2011-11-11T23:10:00.000-08:00

I’m back on Wetar and I’m ready to roam the rubble of the virtual world. I need to be in front of my computer screen more and play around with the Indohoy website. It’s a great positive energy to do the website, more than my likings besides watching the 3^rd season of ‘the Big Bang Theory’. I so clique with those guys! I’m a geek!

On being more in front of my computer: I have failed my own challenge. I wasn’t able to maintain writing every 2 days, especially inline with my blog purpose to state the important. Apparently my life isn’t filled with important things. It’s filled with absurdity and non-sense. Well, be a little fair, significant important stuff isn’t a 24-7 thing. Even I need sleep!

So, I have failed this challenge with only succeeding 16 posts, and numerous delays. As much as I feel like a looser, I’m proud to make it as far as I did considering I have never thought that I can write something worth reading (I'm so Indonesian, seizing the best of the worst things :P). And I will still keep on blogging because I have too much to say anyways.

With this I close this failed challenge and hope that I will triumph the next.

Just thought I'd post these long loved friends. Remember this post?

Yeah, these babies are forever lost. They have accompanied me well. It is said that one loves like ones love of shoes. Being said that, I'm loyal. That's why I'm still in Wetar :P

Justs Todays Likings

2011-10-06T06:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I really like my life on Wetar. As I fold up my underwear to be stored, I had a warm fuzzy feeling about how nice life is as simple as it is. I have one room, and not one house. I don't do the dishes, the laundry, clean the bathroom, or floor of the house, and I don't even have to pay a certain person to do it. I chose to fold my underwear because I want to and I took all the time I have.

I also like the feeling that outside, there's an ocean. Although I can't jump in to it directly because there are river mouth crocs (and not the sandals), I like seeing the horizon, showing me that there's nothing in front of me every morning. The future does not exist.

I also like the fact that I lay bricks to think. I can choose and change meditation methods anyway I please. I have friends that are wise, funny, a pain in the ass. I look forward to sleeping in my double bed, my overly expensive pillow (although still cheap in its class), and my blanket since 2 years ago that keeps me warm from the AC that I don't really need. Most of all, I like the internet access right now, to share the simple things in life that I like.

I also like Steve Jobs for Sylvia. You just gots to love people driven by excellence :)

Cutting Balls for Entertainment!

2011-10-02T06:37:00.000-07:00

It’s between being curious and bored that really drives me to try and do something new. Wetar actually has more entertainment than Jakarta sometimes. It’s all a matter how creative one may be. Considering I’ve been here for almost 4 years, I must like the creative atmosphere the island is giving me :)

People always revert to the predictable entertainment and forget that there are other things to do. One thing that I can do on this ‘developing establishment’ is participate in surgeries. I’ve seen the removal of a lipid lump on an employee’s back, with his permission of course. It was a horrifically interesting. Doctors are sadists and we need them to be.

One of my most entertaining experience was spending 3 hours cutting Jack’s balls off. Now, calm down, Jack is the bosses pet dog. So it was OK to have a non-medical staff to help out. So, I dragged myself to the clinic to see such a fascinating ‘show’. For guys, they really think I’m a sadist since I helped out and I must be some man hater or lesbian, but I'm neither. I love men :D. For me, balls or no balls, it was exciting to see a surgery. Yes, it was that boring and I was that curious. It wasn't any different to the other surgeries I've seen but the guys, including the doctor, seem to squirm of the process. Not to mention, he hates dogs.

Now this particular experience might not apply to all sites or jobs or situation or whatever, but let be noted that you can find something to entertain yourself. You just gotta do it.

If cutting balls is not your thing, maybe the typical entertainment is really for you like watching people get drunk, having a karaoke sessions, and learn how to slow dance :D

14 - Half Dead Survivors

2011-09-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

I realize that the people that I work with on Wetar are half nuts. They’re a bit extreme compared to the usual guys. Some might like fighting, some might like the challenge, some… well… perhaps will do anything. In short, they’re fearless. I elaborated this fact to another friend that works in mining. He concurs.

“Us field guys are already half dead once we’re here” says a co-worker. Sounds pretty harsh but it’s partial true.

Once a man, or in my case a woman, steps out of their home, there’s no guarantee that he or she will come back. With the risk of a long journey into the remote and a high risk at work, the odds are really not on their side. My friend also taught me that people in this line of work would do almost anything to survive, including staying sane which involves alcohol and paid sex. While the spouses have to accept the possibility that everytime they wave goodbye, it might be the last. It’s tough for both ends.

On this, I think I’ve changed a tad bit. I think now I care less whether someone is higher in rank or not. All I care about is that people do their jobs. If they don’t and it makes me suffer, then I’m crossing the line. I half dead already, right? I might only be as far as ‘sharp comments and emails’, but some of my buddies here can put a sharp object in mouths to make a point. Do they care about the consequences? Not as far as you would think, but again, it’s all to survive.

I have a lot of respect to those that have chosen or are stuck with this line of work. It takes a lot of sacrifices.

My respects to Wilson Sibarani, a geologist that died in the Manado heli crash in 2011 when heading for work. We had a short time together buddy, but it sure was fun!

Wilson is the one in the middle in red.

I'm falling behind 4 writings... hiks.

13 - I Prefer the Different Too

2011-09-27T04:35:00.000-07:00

I really like having different kinds of friends. There’s so much color in life if you do. Don’t you agree? And most of the time, you can get the best out of it, rather than the bad. I just try to avoid the bad.

One of favorite kind of people is the Christians. I really like being friends and working with Christians. Of course I can’t say that I like them all, personalities wise, they’re random. I particularly like them when having meals with them. Christians usually pray just before they eat. They do the whole cross thing and then say a deep prayer to the Lord before chow down. I’m usually already on my second spoon once this happens, and then I’m reminded to say Bismillah at lease before I gulp my third spoon of food.

I like being reminded like this, seeing an example and seeing that It’s been done by ease. I should be able to do the same, right? A friend of mine once dared me if I can find a better way to teach people comparing to setting as example. I was gonna say doctrine, but the aftermath of this method is never pretty. In the end, I couldn’t answer it.

Because Moslems never have this particular ritual before eating, thus we never passively remind each other to pray before meals, let alone actively. We chow down without hoping the food is kosher, is good for you and such. We’re more consistent with gratitude by saying ‘alhamdullilah’ after the burp of satisfaction.

Because I’m reminded this so many times by the Christians example, I realize that I almost never remember praying before meals. And so, I like being friends with them, at least for the sake of saying a prayer. So much for being a wannabe spiritual person!

Holy Zit!

2011-09-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

I just popped a zit! It hurts and its gross!

Popping zits is a mini excruciating task that many girls do. Hell, even more guys do it now since appearance has become something more important lately compared to the past. We’re not supposed pop ‘em to but we do. The thing about popping zits is, it hurts but it’s an addictive thing you just gotta do. There’s something about puss (is it puss?) that needs to be pushed out for the sake of our satisfaction. We break the rule for puss.

Tissue used after popping my zit.

This also applies to black heads usually found on someone’s face or back. It’s an achievement without a certificate. We shout ‘yes!’ under our shaking breath of pain and keep pushing the content out. For girls, it has become a necessary activity as eating rice to the Indonesian. Even girls with the most treated faces have angst to touch zits or black heads once it starts to show itself.

But the pain? Oh the pain! It hurts so much like a little pinch by the nails. We cry during the release in facial session. Is this the price of beauty? We nod gently deep down in our hearts and shed another tear. Then multiply so many in one session every month. For those that can afford it and have the time, once a month torture is worth it. It amazes me that girls can bare so much pain? And about sulking sadness, it’s like we like it. We crave it and prolong it. Cry for some attention maybe?

From shallow to too deep, I figured it doesn’t take much for people to see the difference of pain bearing between men and women. As spoiled as women are, they can bare pain. Some shed more tears than others, but most of us understand enduring the pain better than the opposite sex. Sure we sulk and cry and moan and complain, but we can get through it, and sometimes prolong it more than men. Heck! We’d do it again. A hole in the face because of force excretion is proof that one can stand so much pain. And I haven’t even begin with other pains such as waxing, eyebrow sculpting, and hazards of using an eyeliner. Women were made for pain even though we express it a lot. Men might not show it, but can I doubt that they can endure more?

I New Point in Life

2011-09-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

I was going to post something else, but I changed my mind.

If life is a journey of experience, then today is a first. I finally met a point where I don't like the company I'm working for. I still like some of the people and I still love my job, but I don't like the management. Cliche I know. It's my second steady job and I'm facing the same problem as I did my old job. I liked my boss and I liked my job, but I didn't like how he managed everything. For God sakes, I had to iron his clothes, while his teenage girlfriend left after the hangover.

How do people deal with this?

I've asked the only female boss here, how she chooses work? She had so many different businesses and work. She works tirelessly and seems like she can still keep on going. I asked her how would you know if you've had enough? Her answer was simple. She woke up not liking it and that is the sign to just quit.

In my case, I didn't hate this company when I woke up ( I have a killer bed, thanks company!), but I couldn't concentrate at all during work. I actually cried in front of the computer, replying an email concerning one of the problems I have. How could I not? I saw a man had to resolve his problems unfairly. And when it comes to this company, he's not the only one that had to suffer. Not to mention, the unsatisfying way of getting things resolved. And I hate to see my friend, a good man, be treated like that. Apparently, he didn't like it either. He resigned. And that's why I cried.

Leaving me, making a decision tonight.

10 - Opinions and Sunnies

2011-09-19T05:47:00.000-07:00

The hardest thing about blogging is you have to be an opinioned person. A blog is a say of something, no matter how big or small it is. It’s a statement!

With a challenge like this (the 30 writing challenge) I realized I have to be more opinioned more than I would like to. I have to pick a topic and state something every 2 days. I’m usually am a verbally opinioned person. I will talk and talk as my imaginations in my head rolls through. However, my sense of importance is a bit off. I can blab forever about everything unimportant and hold my peace about something that has some level of importance; or I would say it to someone else hehehehe… unless someone asks about it.

Bur writing about is a whole different story. It’s pretty hard since it’s a whole different process compared to verbal opinion. You need to systemize what you're gonna say and how you say it, so that reader can understand your point with one read through. But I guess it is good practice.

So here’s my latest opinion on things. Raybans, can’t go wrong with them. These are my boss's original Raybans. I feel cool wearing them! Even with a ragged shirt!

9 - To the Nines With Agnes Monica

2011-09-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

I had a dream the other night. Some random dream that involves expensive pillows, weed, and my favorite item… AGNES MONICA!

I’ve followed her since the beginning of her carrier as a child star. She’s grown up now and she’s all woman, stated by her predictable shift of image to a more lusty look. It’s not that hard to follow her development. She always makes news with whatever she does.

I hate her as much as I love her. I still adore her because she’s in a league of her own. For the time being, no one can compete with her. She dances, has style (I didn’t say it’s always good), and she has a good voice (which is more than enough to be a singer in Indonesia). She dances how a dancer is expected, her body has come to a point where it moves naturally. Not a lot of people have that, even dancers. You have to love dance and music to be able to dance like her (a concept apparently, a lot of people don’t get!!!) And the most important thing that I love about her, is her attitude. She’s a snob and she knows it. And no one can shove her words down her throat because she is the best so far. Admit it!

What I hate about her is that she copies so many Hollywood stars TOO literally. I hate any artist that does this (such as Giring Nidji, and videos of Rizal Mantovani, etc). It’s an insult to my hours in front of the television and to my intelligence about the Pop world. Come on! We know you copied it. You think no one will know? Seriously?? What else do I hate about her… umm… her voice character isn’t very pleasant for high strong notes, she shouldn’t use it too much… just saying. And for only these 2 reasons I hate her as much as I love her. Yes, that’s how much I hate her for insulting me. So it’s a 50-50 thing.

But after browsing her website gallery www.agnesmoicaofficial.com and this site here, I have increased my percentage on loving her than hating her, just because of this particular picture. She’s wearing batik in her own way. Look at her! No matter how chic the others are, they're bland. They're all predictable outfits. Nothing special about it. And her? Over the top with Indonesia's finest!

She’s still one of us and proud to be one. She understands her fan base is in Indonesia and the country itself (with such poor quality pop artist) is what made her what she is. I’m so proud of her for using batik when she can easily wear something else. She bares batik gifts, and she knows she is the ambassador for Indonesia. But that's what I think, of course. Hopefully she can one day be www.indohoy.com ‘s ambassador too. *dream

8 - Fighting for Independence

2011-09-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

Uploaded the next day because the internet couldn't upload the photo.

No, I’m not going to ramble about the usual issue of women independence as I usually would in this blog. This is purely about the commemoration of our Indonesia’s Independence Day.

This is Pak Mikael. Yes, that is how you spell his name and it’s not a typo. Pak Mikael just threw up on the concrete floor after running about half a kilometer, in the group race I organized to commemorate the nations Independence. This was also after I made him, and other runners of his lag, sing first before the next runner can continue. Singing after running is no trip the park, hey? (Myihihihihi… I’m so good of making challenges for other people). He was totally hesitant to participate, but once we found him teammates, he was all in. For a man of his age, after numerous soccer games during previous days, and having sore butt muscles, it’s amazing how he could ever make it in the first place. You got to salute the dude’s spirit to celebrate!

I felt bad encouraging him as I saw him lay there. But looking at him, he’s blessed with something called ‘fighting for a cause’. He kept running, no matter how slow, for the sake of the rest of his teammates. For a few seconds Pak Mikael understood how he fought for something bigger than himself to a point where the contents of his stomach chose to rebel against the flow of digestion and spill out on the pavement. He fought. He didn’t give up and complain. He just almost fainted, that’s all.

Today, we all enjoy the benefits of the 66^th Independence Day. As the second generation to enjoy this state of freedom, I can say that most of us have no idea what it felt like during the war. How people are in constant lost of everything including lives. Little do understand how bad a war is, how much it takes and how it does not give. I hear this all the time in school but never really understood what it meant.

Have you? Wait… that’s not right. Have I been like this? Hardly. That day, I was just standing on the sidelines. I just stood there and realized that if I did love this country, I would have to reach such a point in my life, as Pak Mikael did on that concrete floor. And even though this race is worthless to the state of the nation, his participation shows that he rejoices the good spirit to commemorate the independence his founding father gave him. Well at least I got something out of it. His vomit was not a waste.

You know what? With one deft person on his team (second from the right) that needed primordial sign language to past his question at his post, Pak Mikael and teammates did an excellent job. Guess what place did he and his team mates come in?

Ps: Did you have your patriotic photo ready?

Number 7

2011-09-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

I’ve failed my own challenge. Ugh the shame! My ‘30 writings for practice’ flopped just when it started. I was just at number 6, and in human years that’s merely primary school. Graduation is still a long way to go. I’m disappointed in myself. It did start to fail because the internet connection failed me bad (Man, I’m so tired of complaining about the internet onsite). But it ended with me being too lazy to restart it when I was in the city a.k.a in access to the web. I didn’t even write and stock up to practice. So much for my strong will.

But, since this is my challenge and I am again determined slash bored on site, I decided to reinstate my challenge again. This is also due to the fact that there is internet connection in my new room. Yay! (I’m surely easily satisfied, and yet I’m still single. Why is that?) Therefore, this post will be umber 7 with no particular theme at all.

Why start again? Well, I definitely do need the practice. I don’t plan to stop writing anytime soon. To the least, I will still be writing for www.indohoy.com, so I will I still need to do this. Second of all, I’m that type of person that’s too damn optimistic sometimes. I don’t know when to stop even if it’s already too ridiculous to continue anyways. This challenge bids no harms so it’s ok to have too many pluses in my head for it.

To add to that, I’m really liking the writing of the Unbrave girl. She writes really long post on her blog, and clearly what she needed to say is not for the screeners. She provides a nice long read for the afternoon. But what I like about her writing is that she’s funny. She ridicule herself to a point that isn’t harmless and you chuckle reading her post. It’s not a drop dead funny thing, it’s just funny enough to want to read more. Oh how I can write like her, but don’t tell her that cause she doesn’t like being an inspiration to anyone khihihihihihi….

So, hear ye! Hear ye! It’s back on! See you in 2 days.

6 – Speakable

2011-08-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

(Man! Writing is hard, especially if you’re on a deadline. Inspiration is not something you can evoke under command. Is it true that you can train yourself to be inspired? Well I missed 2 schedule and now I’m back on track.)

It’s the fasting month and it has been 7 days since the first fast. Hmm… life isn’t much different here on Wetar during these days, there isn’t much work anyways. I can say that the nights roll faster now that we have to do the tarawih. Oh how I wish the days would too. Unfortunately, we have to break fast at 6.40 here in Wetar. It’s long summer days in the east.

Speaking of tarawih, I’ve been thinking. During these 7 days, my co-workers, who aren’t ustadz but religion enthusiasts, have been giving the 7 minute preach, known as Kultum (Kuliah Tujuh Menit), in between prayers. And I must confess, I’m bored and I have the interest of kid to school book on a Friday night. It’s not that the message isn’t good, or useful. It’s a text book preach. And sometimes, they take it literally by reading a few pages from a book. Now, I think reading can do no harm, but we can always pick up a book ourselves and read. We don’t need someone at a podium reading it to us when we just ate a portion of rice and struggling to stay awake. We need to be inspired.

People take preaches too serious. The fact is, the best preaches or public speaking are those that have a personal touch and easy daily examples on how we can apply the holy sayings. The speaker adds that X-factor making a speech not something to just hear, but to feel thus understand. I’m full of it, aren’t I? I might be. Clearly, I am no speaker that can bring a mountain down by one sentence. But I am a good listener which makes up a good follower, which is the essence of a leader, for without followers s/he is just a common mortal.

So I’ve given it some thought, and I think I may just the muse and material for my next blog. Until 2 days!

Due to slow internet connection, sorry, no pic today guys :(

Preaching to Thy Self!

2011-08-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

There is nothing wrong about being spiritual (or religious in some cases). Worshiping a higher power, may it be God, nature, science or that rock on some hill, can give you a sense of peace. Although some prefer it as ‘finding another entity to blame things on and not taking all responsibility’, I still believe that sometimes there is nothing wrong with that!

But I am not going blame anyone or anything today. I’m actually going to be thankful. Today, I came home from lunch and I walked to my room by the beach and felt very blessed. I felt that God (since I am still a believer) has been very kind to me in the past 2 years. And today, She kinda extended Her finger, stoke my curly hair a bit, and said ‘Enjoy this second’ without any ‘but’s, ‘until’s, or anything negative following the sentence.

During these 2 years, I have lazed around, and most of the time in exotic places, Wetar included. I have traveled to dreamlands (my dream destinations and not the beach in Bali, although it is awesome) and have the opportunity to do less yet still getting paid. I lived half my life beside a relatively quite beach with no tourists on it, sleep to the occasionally rambling noise of the waves, inhale ocean air daily, walk, and hang around people with a high sense of humor. Today in particular, the power was out for 3 hours, which means no work. And there will be a marathon this afternoon, so I’m skipping work again for that to have a little fun in the sun.

Wait, you didn’t think I was running the marathon did you?

I have to admit I get bored and my IQ has not been challenged for a while, which actually is the price the company I work is paying me for. And I realize once things are up and running, these happy faces will be gumpy –I’m gonna make you regret you were born- faces. But at certain days, like today it felt more of a blessing than it is a loss.

I don’t think that people praise the Lord enough. Well at least not the people in the typical stable work force that I know. I think they praise Her in typically and live life as it suppose to. You work, play, have a family, and live life as how everybody else does it. After meeting too many people you realize that there isn’t a ‘suppose to’ scenario. Life is chaos! Big and small. If you have a good life and peaceful inner being, then believe me, you are blessed. No matter how boring, or dumb, or in my case, lazy isolated in a neglected island, you are, if you’re good than it’s time for you to take a second and be deeply grateful to the entity that you believe in.

So today, I acknowledge by gratitude towards God for being so nice. She is the almighty and wisest being and I surrender my soul. If there comes a day that I will be crying my lungs out again, I will know that it’s all part of a complex scenario which I will not give up on and still hold responsible for. There are no exact words to express my grateful state of being at this moment. I just am.

By the way, I use the term She for God and not He because I’m not a guy, never have been, so I wouldn’t understand applying male traits on my higher believes. I would only have my girlish understanding of Her… but will discuss that on another day.

PS: I am happy to report that I was on schedule on the writing. Unfortunately, the internet connection was not in my agenda favor. But the program is still on!

Going to a Wetar Cineplex

2011-07-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

My day ended a little late today. I decided to watch my fellow co-workers play soccer in Lurang, the near by village (about a 30 minute slow drive). It’s a great reason to leave the office early and also well, Wetar doesn’t offer much entertainment so anything will do.

For more than 2 hours I stood on the sidelines, watching 2 soccer matches roll through on the dirt field. It was as entertaining as I expected. Wetar supporters are hilarious! They entertain me more than the players it self. They get mad… wait, let me rephrase that… they’re always furious when the player doesn’t play according to their likings. They make these weird cheering sound like birds fighting over a territory. And the best part is, the loud ones are usually women.There was nothing too special about the game except for the usual spectacular sunset closing the day.

Once I got back to camp, I had dinner and head home to shower. I was a bit in a hurry. I wanted to watch the finals of the table tennis match, the company made to commemorate the upcoming Independence Day.

After the shower and putting on some clothes, I applied my usual lotion. Just when I was almost done, I realized, I was in a hurry getting ready JUST to watch a tennis table match?! It felt like I was getting ready to hang out and catch a movie with friends in the city. It really did! Ok, maybe it was slightly different. I didn’t have my usual eyeliner and blush on (which I really like putting on) and I wasn’t wearing heels. Plus, I didn’t have the worry about getting a taxi either. But the sensation of getting ready under a limited amount of time simulated a night out.

As I rushed to the tennis table match that has not started, I’m more and more convinced that I wasn’t doing anything different than what I’m used to back in Jakarta and Bandung. So life can be the same as what we experience back home. It doesn’t have to be entirely the same but close enough. And it’s all a state of mind. All you have to do is embrace it, follow what it presents you and it will be as colorful as a clown suit. I could have just stayed in my room this afternoon and showered as I liked, had dinner, and watch the game. But, I chose to do things differently. I chose to live like back home.

It was really similar to going to the movies. For what I have found when I got to the crime scene, was a video projector blasting on a white wall, ready to show a soccer game. Now, for an island like Wetar, it can’t get any closer to a cinema than this.

(I’ve just started this challenge and I’m already slacking off. Sheez! Says a lot about me and deadlines. Change of rule. The writing will be uploaded the day after the due date).

Number 2

2011-07-27T06:31:00.000-07:00

No, not the bathroom thing, the challenge silly. It's here.

Beat Me, Why Don’t cha?

2011-07-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

Although verbally I have moderately good English, I'm a lousy English writer. It's not that I don't make sense, which I would still do even though I would be able to write, it’s more of my grammar that reeks to the core. I've put ikansapi into too much pain already checking for mistakes in my writing. The amounts of revisions are shameful, shameful I tell you! *Face in hands.

After the recent assignment to write a feature in a magazine not long ago (*ehem smug), I realize I have to challenge myself to practice. So here goes. I challenge myself to upload a writing every 2 days for 2 months. Hmm... 30 writings… I’m intimidated :P. It’s predicable that I got this idea from ikansapi. She loves challenges! I also got this idea from a Brooke Schoenman , a travel writer that challenged herself to upload a writing EVERY SINGLE DAY ABOUT TRAVELING! Jes (the Latin ‘yes’, not a typo), there is much to be said about traveling. But writing about it, or about anything actually, takes in a lot of effort. Being that said, this task is nothing original (but what is besides Nescafe original 3 in 1 coffee that taste blegh!? I would still drink it though), but will still be hard for me that usually blogs once a month.

So what’s the tizzle of this chizzle (target of this challenge)? Well, to improve my grammar of course! And to make myself familiar with English writing, terms, getting use to express my thoughts and points, and to be able to cook (which is totally out of topic but I’m just saying).

One of my tactics to ace this task of mine is to write slower. I wish I was a high paid executive secretary so I can type 3 gazillion words in 10 seconds, but I’m not, and my job doesn’t demand it. But apparently when I write, I imagine being one. I’m not sure why. I write really fast and I miss letters, words, and my favorite button is the ‘backspace’. Then it becomes more of a ramble than something worth reading. I don’t think being able to type fast is cool, but I just wanna be able to catch whatever is in my mind (wow, I just typed that sentence without any ‘backspace’, such an achievement! Trumpets, please!). I’m a scatter thinker and ideas are easily found as they easily disappear. So, I have to catch those ideas while they’re in my head but it really doesn’t help the quality of what is actually being said. Am I already in circles?

During and after the challenge I will evaluate the writings with my English teachers (including ikansapi if she is willing) and see the progress I have made. Writings will include blogs here (still in line with the idea of this blog), Indohoy writings, and other things that will probably be mentioned here … but not necessarily. I will, however, report if I fail to miss a writing schedule.

To whoever you are, you’re welcome to criticize and give advice. I’m all for it. Just don’t pick your bellybutton and then tell me about it. That’s just wrong. *Slap! (Ok.. Ok… I’m back on track) I hope the slogan practice makes perfects work here.

By the time you reach this sentence, consider yourself already involved in the challenge. You just read my first writing. What did you think 'Mister with mask and goggles on underwater'?

Olrighty then. See you Tuesday!

Another Birthday Blog! Yay!!!

2011-07-08T04:25:00.000-07:00

Yaps I’m 31 today. And how is it being 31? Well to be honest, it’s no different than any other day J. It’s not a drastic change like turning from 20 something to 30 something. It’s just today. And I did pass the day as an ordinary day.

Or so I thought?!

After dinner, surprisingly, the guys prepared a little ‘fun’ for my B’day. They ambushed me with raw cake dough, flour, and cake icing. Then of course we had a little war, which ended with a few ‘casualties’, but it was all fun. I looked like a horrific witch after the war with my hair all curly and big.

I don’t know why the guys think that I don’t deserve a nice sweet birthday party, one with a cake, friends surrounding, candles, decorations, and PRESENTS!!! What kind of girl do they take me for? Ugh! Khihihihi… No seriously?!

Man, I had to wash my hair 6 or 7 times just to get the egg stench out of it. Blegh! And I’m still not convince that it’s all out. Some of my hair feels different. Is it suppose to feel like this?

But I couldn’t stop smiling in the shower. It was an awesome 30 minutes, just the right closure for the night. And you know what, no one is too old for this. One can be to ‘serious’ but never too old. I’m glad everyone had fun; and a second shower!

So, I heard they’re making it in to abbreviation: HBD? Come on people! Really?! Make some effort to write ‘Happy Birthday!’

I Have a New Bed

2011-06-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since I’ve blog. I’ve been avoiding it since I didn’t know how to write about this specific topic although I eventually had to. But now, I’m ready.

So, not only blogging, it’s also been a while since I’ve slept in my own bed in Bandung. I’ve been sleeping my parent’s bed. Not because I want to cramp up my parents at an inappropriate age. It’s because my father died about 2 months ago, and I’ve been keeping my mum company in their bed.

My father is the nicest man in the world. He died while taking an afternoon nap at home, alone. Mum just stepped out to do her usual exercise and came home to find dad gone still in bed. No fuss, no diseases, no hospitals, no nothing. He just stepped out. I so wished that he didn’t go alone, but that’s just how nice he is. And knowing him, that’s how he wanted it. He never wanted to hassle anyone.

I’ve learned so much from the death of my father. That probably sounds weird since I should be devastated and crushed and yada yada yada, but it’s the truth. Of course, it broke my heart that my father is no longer around. Home is different without his presence. It’s the little things that remind me that he no longer is around. His pants are no longer hang behind the master bedroom door, there is no cup on the coffee table in the afternoon, the study desk isn’t a mess by his notes and scattered newspaper, and so many other little things that justifies he’s no longer here. But I’ve learned more than I lost.

I learned that community living is such a great thing compared to the individual life. I’ve learned that I was more prepared than I thought I would be. I’ve learned that my mother is an unbelievable woman who is far stronger than I am, no matter how solid I look. I’ve learned that the amount of people that come to your funeral and what they say reflects what kind of person you really are. I also learned more about my father from the people that send their condolences. Just a short list to the many other things I discovered out of this event. I’m sure I’ll blog them one by one in the future, just not today. So, I’m a kid without a father, and that’s what it’s gonna be. And this entry is a ‘just saying’ blog. Oh well…

And guess what? He checked out on a Saturday night, just as my grandfather did not long ago. I’m sure there’s a social thing going on here :P

Wrapped Around in the Past

2011-05-05T00:16:00.000-07:00

This is an ikat cloth that was given to me by Ida, a local Wetar girl that came from Alor. Her grandmother gave it to her. Now before you start hating me because I'm so cruel to take this away from her, hear me out.

I fell in love with it the first time I laid my eyes on it. Not only because it had colors that I don't see often in an ikat store, but also because Ida was wearing it on a regular basis making it really wearable. She was wearing it in the kitchen one ordinary day. I stared at it for some time. I couldn't take my eyes of it. I told her I was so sad that her grandmother made it for her, and I wouldn't ask for it since it had personal values.

The same day, later in the night, Ida came to see me and gave it to me. I couldn't accept it. But she insisted, explaining that her grandmother makes a lot of these and it's alright to let one go. I was overwhelmed.

It's a bit heavy. It slides down a bit every time I use it, but really comfortable. I some times use it as a blanket on hot nights. Mozzies love me. To be honest, wearing it made me feel feminine, elegant, and
very traditionally beautiful.

Which comes down to the current day. I bought another 2 ikat while traveling Flores. I couldn't help it. I fell in love instantly with these two (the small one is just a small ban to tie your waist). I considered hard before buying any of them. Where and when can I use them? Can I take care of them? Is the hassle worth the buy?
My considerations ended to 'I can use it at home' on lazy days. It's the only time I can use it in the city. I can't imagine using it in to town. Not because of stares, but of impracticality.

Then I worry. For someone that loves these hand made treasures, I can only wear them at home. And yet, those like me aren't very much. People are letting go of this tradition. I worry, how can we preserve it if we don't care?

Thinking of what Cindy said, humans skin are so bland of color and texture. Maybe we were not suppose to have this bland cover. Maybe our ancestors were right with their colorful sarongs and ikats and batiks. It was never bland for the elder generation.

The native people of Flores that have been exposed to the modern life still use it because they are still tied to many obligations such as: one must have one when wed and one must wear one during traditional ceremonies which they still hold. However, when talking to these so called modern types, I get the vibe that they would leave this tradition if they could. I detected this vibe, just underneath the surface. What do us city folks have obligation to? None.

I'm trying to find a solution. A solution on how we can wear ikats, or batik or what ever traditional cloth we've made in the past, more practically. Theoretically, these cloths are results of a long research by our ancestors which considered the climate, the activity and such. But now... well... we don't do as what our great grand parents did, so should we leave it all behind too?

This doesn't conclude anything. It's a ramble of my concerns of old tradition I wish I knew how preserve. The most important question is always how?

Or maybe... we don't have to :(?

My Grandfather Went Out On A Saturday Night

2011-04-11T00:05:00.000-07:00

my mum (middle) between her sisters

My grandftather died last Saturday night. He went out that night (badam-bam-ching!). He was my mums father. I didn't know him well because he lives in Makassar, and I only drop by about max. once a year.

All I know is that he was a man that means well, very stubborn, and loves to 'shout' rather than use the human friendly frequency (I wonder if I'm part dolphin?). But I do remember, as a kid, he use to take care of me when mum needed to multitask. He's a great nurturer to kids, especially when he was still a bit younger and stronger. He still took great care of my cousins when they were little which wasn't long ago.

My mum is getting older. I was anxious how she would deal with it. I just called her. She seemed to have a sore voice, I suspect because of some deal of crying. I asked her where she was at the time, I was ready to calm her down... and this was her answer:

"Oh iya Nuni (my nick), ini Mami lagi makan-makan ama semuanya. Makan coto." (Oh yes Nuni, I'm just and eating out with the family. Eating Coto.) In the background I could hear my aunts laughing, my uncle joking around, and I bet my dad was just keeping his cool as always. With a bit of a jaw drop, I wondered, so... where's all the tears? Beats me, but I'm glad they accepted it well. Death is part of lives, and it's not something we can reverse. They do say, it's easier to cross over if no one cries for you too long. So I guess my mum and whole family wants grandpa to cross peacefully.

He did die at home, which is a good thing, and because he was really old. It was his time I guess. I know that they love him, as hard as he was. I sure do even though I didn't know him that well. I have one or two memories of him taking good care of me, and at least without him, I wouldn't be here.

May his soul rest in peace.

LOL

2011-04-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

It was a night when I dropped by Renny's house, a co-worker, when Rudhy was also there. We happen to just chat and just had to use a bit of imagination to survive another night in Wetar. We were talking about how the docter got a bike from the company for his needs. We had a little fun with that fact. Once you know it, Renny almost fell off her seat of laughing, I couldn't stand up straight because I was laughing so hard, and Rudhy's eyes looks like a frown. Renny applaud my wild imagination. And with that, I started wondering, maybe I am a bit funny. I also started thinking, why do I have to follow my funny gene, especially since I 'understand' that being funny is a masculine trait?

3 months later ...

I recently went to Timor Leste to visit Inge, a college friend, since her hubby happen to work in this country. Inge is a lovely delightful humorist gal. She might look mean, but trust me, she's a leaking bucket a.k.a ember bocor! So, during my 4 days 6 night stay there, I had a lot of laughs. And by a lot I mean A LOT! Not to mention Edmund, her hubby, was in town and he too had a competing sense of humor. So all we were was a bunch of silly people that like to use our imagination and laze our days out.

One night, we decided to have Indian (South Asia not America, although it would be awesome to have native American food,ohh.. FOCUS!) cuisine. Yes, Timor Leste has tonnes of affordable (by the expat community) yet delicious International restaurants. Anyways, we were waiting on our food when we started to be... umm... sarcastic; I can't really say funny cos we were kinda making fun of the Indian culture. And suddenly, my stomach cramped up because we were so funny.

As I sit there holding my stomach of ache and looking at Inge, laughing so hard I think she peed a bit (isn't hard to hold it in when you're 6 month pregnant?), I realize, hmm.. maybe I am a bit funny?

I'm not sure why lately, during these laughs, my epiphany pops up. It's probably because I think that people don't have a hard laugh as often once they get older. I try to 'analyze' (ok ok... sue me for trying to figure things out) and see how we can have these sessions more often. My conclusion so far, most of the time, it does take a comedian to have a lot of fun.

I always though I have friends that are much funnier than I am. I always have a blast laughing with them, and at their jokes, sarcastic or not. So I always thought maybe I can be spared from one masculine trait: being funny. Because of these 'incidents', I thought wrong. Funny, I am, a bit.

Being said that, I need to find a gay guy trapped in a straight mans taste, or else I'll be single fo'eeeeevvvvvvaaaaaaaaa.... :(( but have a few laughs along the way :P (I just had to)

I Can Only Control My Screenless Ipod

2011-02-28T16:22:00.000-08:00

I have come to the part of my life where everything is out of control.

It all started from when I wanted to attend a very good friends wedding. There is only a slim, as slim as paper, chance that I can make it now. There's a storm in the area. And I can't book my own boat to sail out for the sake of this occasion for whatever price it may be. The people that usually would risk lives wouldn't even go and they too have already surrendered to what nature wants.

Jodoh, or soul mate, or THE ONE, is still missing. Although people say I don't try. I do. I dress up, I meet new people, I try to be charming. It's not working. After seeing so many chick flicks on my Sylvia screen, I've come to a point that I give up. And I really can't force myself to somebody. I just can't, and you can see it instantly in my gesture if I'm not interested. I don't know how to force anyone to be my guy. Even if I do, eventually I'm sure he wouldn't like my white lie or me for that matter.

I've been paying a mortgage of a small flat in Jakarta. My very first huge investment. It's finished and now it's under a bit of decoration. All which I didn't decide upon. My parents did. Since they're helping me on the payment terms, it's going to be our family house in Jakarta. So what they say on the decor is final. My dad even got mad at me just because I wanted to change one of my walls in to plain dark gray and not with patterns. Even I can't control the inside of my own house.

I had a stressful day yesterday. Literally... eh I mean physically. My body showed symptoms of a stressed person. My acid levels were high, my lower chest was burning, I had diarrhea, and the fever, all in a day. I knew it was stress and not some illness because I knew I had something in mind. My friends wedding, and how this company sucks at the moment, no taking care of me, it’s employee. I surely didn’t think about it too much since I’ve learned how to accept the circumstances of Wetar. However, my body is trying to tell the truth. I can’t control my body.

So basically I have no control of the essentials of my life at the moment. Usually the case would be that I won’t take control of my life because I don’t want to and I’ll let things flow. But just when I wanted … I couldn’t. Ain’t life a big Srimulat stage? Slapstickly funny!

East Meets West in the Behind

2011-02-19T23:39:00.000-08:00

I've had this thought for some time and most of the people around me know about it already since I've repeated it over and over. But it's pure genius I tell you! A perfect blend of the west and east culture, in the harmony of something so essential to us all... I'm talking about the flushable squatting toilet with hand pump and toilet paper (this applies better on public toilets).

For a girl, this toilet is the ultimate invention! I'm surprised that no one has ever noticed it before! Think about it!

The Sitting Toilet

The western world has always found a comfortable position for any daily activity, even taking a crap. You sit and read a paper without the fear of falling of the toilet or your foot slipping its grip. You can even sleep on it! And let's not forget the comfortable position to throw up once you're drunk like a liquor store or when you're on the way on molding a new human being in your stomach. And you don't have to look at your shit, the plumpy mold of digestion remains!

The flushing is heaven sent! It's like someone else is doing it for you. It's service in a button, easy by one touch.

But have you notice how there's a big concern about the hygiene of butts taking turns sitting on a plastic circle? Suddenly we have to wipe the toilet seat with special soap or wipes, or we have to lay a layer of special paper shaped like the seat before actually sitting on it. A waste of paper! May I add that there is so much surface of the toilet that needs cleaning?

And the deal with toilet paper.... it's a waste of paper and trees and forests and resources and climate change! Need I continue? Please don't make me.

And it's confusing to eastern people once they step in to a cubicle. What is there to do when you only have a toilet, a piece of tissue, and no water and soap? A thought I had when I had to crap in elementary school. So I crapped in my pants staring at the toilet cause I seriously didn't know what to do.

The Squatting Toilet

The eastern lands love to squad, not only on their toilets, but in their daily lives. In middle to lower class Indonesian, a lot of activity is done by squatting like washing the clothes and dishes, cooking, putting tiles on floor, and even high school kids coming home from school hang out by squatting beside their school roads. So we do a lot of it. When it comes to the toilet, we even enjoy the position. It brings some relief to disposing crap. It is clinically known that the squatting position is actually healthier than sitting down. There is less abdominal effort reducing the risk of hemorrhoids. Seriously! You don't have to push as hard when you're squatting.

Although looking at your own crap is a devils doing for some, it's actually necessary at times. The condition of your feces can indicate the condition of your bowls. If theirs clotted blood, that means there's something wrong inside your digestive system. If it's runny blood, it's a wound near the anus. If it's too dark you need fiber, etc.

And I'm gonna be blunt here, if you've got leftovers of your event... that's just nasty to wash! But on normal days, washing with water is refreshing. I read Stans link and I agree, in such a tropical country washing up with water is essential since bacterial can develop easily. The water hand pump is a super blessing and helps us achieve a dry toilet which is a lot more hygiene. Besides being refreshing, I feel it's a lot cleaner. It's a culture thing, JES!

But the squatting toilet can be annoying sometimes. Peeing can be splashy! Reducing the distance from the loo to your butt actually increases impact... Iuu.... but only happens if you're careless. And if it's one of those long sessions, you cramps in your legs rather than the relief that you're looking for.

Once you had a bad few days, and haven't crapped, you can get pretty extraordinary in size, and that's a pain when you have to flush yourself. I've even had to have some tactics to get the bugger down, such as pouring a whole bucket at once, or fast repetitive flushing, or wait a few minutes so the poop can soften because it's soaked in water huahahahaha... I crack myself remembering a lot of the effort I have to do just to get rid of my crap.

Now comes the best part, the combined western and eastern toilet.

The Flushable Squading Toilet (Equiped with toilet paper and water hand pump)

Take the best of both culture and mix it. And there is is. Making it short:

- you worry less about diseases transmitted from toilet seats

- you clean less much area on a squading toilet

- you see your crap for a good reason

- you push less and wont' worsen your hemroid

- you can flush afterwards

- you can wash up

- and dry the damp area with a bit of tissue

Perfect! Now why can't other gadgets be as genius as this? Why can't the east and west work together?

How I didn't realize at first how I'm Odd

2011-02-02T23:17:00.000-08:00

I was procrastinating hard on work today, it's the Chinese New Year and I'm celebrating by doing less work than the minimum that I do anyways. But I did more research for www.indohoy.com today which is still a good thing. Time wasn't wasted.

I stumbled on this blog while reading for indohoy. As I was reading about the oddities of toilet paper in Bangkok, I suddenly realize this:

Well call me the oddities of Asia on this tree pulp product! I use this supply for my morning sneezes, wiping the analysis probe when measuring pH, and for my usual dose of 'toilet paper functions' khihihihihi....

A Cambodian Bind

2011-01-12T08:40:00.000-08:00

Me and my friend were stranded in the woods of Wetar one day, waiting for help since our car had a flat tire but had no equipment to change it. There was nothing to do, too much has been said, and a nap is all that is left undone. So as I tried to daze off in the passengers seat, I looked up in to the trees and stroke the fresh cool air I saw my bracelet. Click!

This is my Cambodia bracelet. I got it when I was visited Angkor Wat last year. It was tied on to me by a holy man of the temple complex. It’s a bind of prayer after I got my fortuned told. There should be no worries in my fortune, he says, and his prayers were to assure that.

It’s not a Moslem teaching to believe in fortune telling especially from another religion but for some reason, I kept that bracelet on till today. I believed its prayer, a prayer that will help me into a good life.

But there was a time, exactly a year after this bracelet was bind on to me, I wanted to cut it off. I had a low point in my own believes and I though that getting rid of this item would further me of what I didn’t believe in, hoping it would make me closer to what I did believe in. I almost cut it off. But I didn’t.

I came back to the point where I believe all prayers are good, no matter what religion we’re from. I believe it as I believe that a good deed is a good deed no matter what who did it, from whatever religion, or from those with no religion also. And a little red band would not define what I believe in.

Now, I keep the bracelet for 2 reasons: as a reminder that I’ve been to Angkor Wat, and as a reminder that I should not symbolize things in totems. Hmm a totem reminding of what totems should not be. Sounds pretty twisted hey?

When the best things in live aren't free...

2010-12-22T15:36:00.000-08:00

They say the best things in life are free. Most of the time, it’s true. Things that you can’t value with money are usually the things that fulfill your life. Happiness, love, joy, experience, and even knowledge is priceless when it really teaches you some thing (Do note I didn’t say education).

And anyways, how could you debate a great thing that doesn’t come with a price? Hello??? Freebies…

But when the free stuffs are out, the cheap come second best. Items that you pay less but have priceless value, can exceed any item that is expensive but has ultimate function. This time, I realized, my Ando white sandals are my cheap best thing. It’s been with me a while and it still is till today, where I had to walk the rocky mountain of Lerokis. I realize that it has been with me through so many other hardship.

The tar was from climbing from an LCT to the wooden boat getting to Wetar. And I was so grateful I was wearing these sandals because if I had worn good shoes, they’ll be damaged for sure. The concave are is wear I put my weight in while walking. It’s been like this ever since I started jogging, a change to the usually worn out heel area. They I’ve had them for… hmmm… 4 months at least. And they haven’t let me down yet.

I’ve had other things that are damn cheap but I love so dearly: my torn t-shirts which everybody is bound to have but not all would admit to, my old cotton underwear I keep which I swear I use only under emergency situations, and my pride… which is relatively cheap but the best thing in my life :P

So this entry is the celebration of the pay-less world, an underground world for those that seriously know the great value of a cheap item. Let it be known, that China made items rule!

Learning from the Boys

2010-12-06T23:06:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about guys and girls lately when it comes to relationships. It's nothing new... just enhanced in my mind I guess.

I've been wronged by a guy before. And I'm sure I'm not alone on this. You could see that through my small single or still unmarried clique of girlfriends. I’m not saying that we’re broken angels, we probably did some wrong doing too, but the fact that we aren’t hooked yet might be an indication that we could also be the victims too.

Hanging out with the boys definitely balances my perspective. I’ve been in the mining business for some time and have mingled with boys most of my life, causing me to crossed over to see the other side of things. When it comes to relationships, there is no doubt that men take things lightly. I’m not saying all men are like that, but on this side of the story, most are. No matter how angelic they are at home. If you don’t get caught then they'll underestimate what they have with their spouse. They like new and shiny things. If something is blinking, let say a cute little shawty that just entered the circle, believe me, they would want to have it.

But, it’s balanced. It’s not rare that I’ve heard a guy being wronged by a girl. And harsh! I know guys often feel aggravated, hanging on a thread waiting for a response from his adored one, but girls have it the same. I’m talking on a whole different league. We’re talking about men, left by their wives for other men and could be various, and having it as a public secret. It is men with their paychecks robed, stripped down broke for the sake of shopping while the partners don’t take care of the house, or kids or the women just ran away with it without guilt. It is men separated from their children. I’ve seen it. Women having the time of their lives, walking on air because they know they can sell sex and can get away with anything with their beauty and whisper pleasure. It’s with cases like these I cross over and say, women too are no doubt devils.

I didn’t quite understand why sometimes I’m so bothered when women say men are such pigs.Women insult and put them down in various conversation. Now I know. Turns out, deep down I knew differently.

Television is Not All Bad

2010-11-19T23:23:00.000-08:00

I felt like blogging today. I felt like blogging yesterday. And I felt blogging a month ago. But I never did... until today... when I felt like blogging.

I had a lot on my mind that needed said but... I just didn't have that extra umph to write it down. It's like picking out a cool dress or shoes but it just lacks that 'to buy or regret buying it for a long time' factor. But I had that umph today.

I love to do nothing. And in between I love to watch TV. I don't know why people resent TV so much when you can learn so much and get inspired. I watched 2 things today that lifted my ass to at least blog.

'So You Think You Can Dance'. I'm not sure what season it was. Cat Deely had short hair. Does that help? Anyways... I caught the last dance. It was a couples dance, with Wade Robinson choreographing. I tip my hat after my standing ovation after watching this routine. Wade made a routine with the theme of thieves in Paris and using Jazz dance style. It was so close to original being they were really like thieves and the whole routine tells about their mission to steal some jewels. It was really entertaining and beautiful at the same time. Every move was about stealing and sneaking and jazz dance. And not to forget, the music was so cool! It was flawless. And the dancers executed well. Technically and expression wise. I had goose bumps all over myself. I'm sure there are a lot more inspiring routines but I just got hooked on this one. And what really enlightens me about this routine is that it used something that is uncommon. Salsa, Tango, Ballroom, etc dances are commonly modified but this is a stroy modified in to a dance... I'm just having such a hard time explaining what I mean here. Huff...
Something worth sharing... and I don't kow how to embed things yet so:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk5reVYChlo

The other thing I watched was NatGeo Adventure channel. I flipped to it accidentally this time. It was showing Video Travel: Ethiopia. It's typical NatGeo Adv show with this couple traveling and having a video blog. The couple was traveling to Lilabela or something like it. They were going through this church that was carved downwards in to a rock. It was an amazing structure and I really want to see it! They only had pocket camera making feel the sufficiency of the Canon D10 that I have to a world class travel. It really is about the man behind the gun. Skill, instincts and feeling are almost every thing!

They did the traveling and had each other as good company making the whole episode an alluring adventure. I'm sure if anyone went there with a narrow mind, would think it was a boring place, just another ruin. But what they saw, what they felt, what pictures they took of was far from what I consider boring. I was inspired.

I was doing a bit of work at the time, but I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. They wrote everything they were thinking and they were great with words. It reminded me why I wanted to travel, what I wanted to experience and why I still should do it. It also inspired me to write everything on the road may be on a piece of tissue and such. I should have done it since when ever but it's never too late, since I plan to do more traveling khihihihi...

So I was inspired by television today. And I think I should have a radio show :)

The Geek in Anyone

2010-10-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

I think people should be careful when it comes to geeks. They are sometimes dangerous people. They are stubborn, persistent, knowledgeable people that can use their knowledge at unexpected time. Sure sometimes they appear to be born losers, but that’s just the external part of things. Think about it, all of our science, technologies, and civilization was created by geeks. You might think some geeks are way cool than the nerds that you usually meet, but those that have invented anything are those that had a time of their lives when they didn’t bath nor brush their teeth for the sake of invention! Yes… even Zuckerman that made Facebook!

I’ve just fallen in love with The Big Bang Theory. I love the geek gang that talk like primitive aliens (being too smart for this generation, but to dumb for future intelligence), have unique hobbies, and never leave the house unless it’s for comic book stores symposiums that are similarly primitive to them. They are hilarious! And they have a great cast! Even the ditsy Penny is believable. And while some think it’s easy to play a natural blonde, it’s actually really hard. Who would ever think that Reese Witherspoon could be a believable character after she played in ‘Walk the Line’?

Anyways… back to the dangers of a geek. I am a bird geek. Not to most, but am to common sense. Yes, I know what a Ficedula is, and how cute the genus Herpactes is. I like bush birds cause they’re so small and cute and sometimes just roam slightly above the ground. Funny little buggers. So how can any geeks be dangerous? Well imagine this, twitchers or super bird geeks that travel all around the world just to see birds have to go to forests and unchartered territory to see what they have to see. Once they see something twitch in the woods, they don’t run… they go after it for the possibility of the bird their looking for! They can easily leave you just because they need to see that 5 cm bird in the tropical forest. At night, if their looking for an owl, once the leaves sounds spontaneous moves, they go after it while others would run and scream ‘ghost’!

And you think divers are not? Think again my fellow divers! Divers are big geeks. They put on gear and dive in to the water for the sake of seeing cute sea creatures. They travel to dive sites just to see the unseen to common mass. The have to know what they saw and they look it up in their encyclopedia.

Music and movie lovers are not far different. They can name many musicians, recall the history of band, chase a gig for the sake of it, and dwell in lyrics and music arrangements because they think it’s necessary.

The sequence of finding a bird while birdwatching

After long contemplation, I realize that I’m much of a geek. I like long explanations of things, I like the word ‘why’ and I like finding answers. I don’t like short uninteresting answers and I like to know what I see and know what knowledge I’ve gained. Am I dangerous? Maybe. In the sense you might me caught up in my blabbering because you brought something up. I could constantly persuade to you to my theory thinking that it is right. I would ignore a friend for the sake of reading a blog for research. I have a facebook account, and my social life online is currently as important to my real life. Not to mention, if there is a scatter of leaves, I’d take you with me in to the forest and get lost just to see a bird. Now do I really sound dangerous?

PS: So who isn’t a geek? Someone that does not drown in a certain interest of knowledge or work. A person that merely passes life as life, not knowing that there is more to it. But that’s my humble opinion anyways.

... something borrowed something blue...

2010-10-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

I went swiming a few days ago with the Playgroup. Hmm... usually after a swim, I'm really happy... this time, I'm happy with a little thought to balance it.

As I look back on the photos we took these few days of swiming I realized, all of the members were a totally different bunch of people. None of the old Playgroup members were there. 100% new batch. No familiar faces.

Roy and Valen

It was a bit of a melancholic moment for me, seeing the faces in my digital camera were all new ones. Although that's a good thing considering I'm adding friends, it's a bit sad to think that I'm not with some old ones. Some have resigned, some don't have the same anthusiasm as they use to and I don't have the same amount of energy to persuade them, some... gave up totally. Yet I'm still here.

Which then led me to think, am I the only surivor of this company? Maybe the more appropriate answer is... I'm the surviving spirit of the Playgroup. I denied that I was the leader of the bunch, but now I know I probably am the number 2 person responsible for it (that still sounds like I'm denial ya?).

Reni getting wet :P

I guess it says a lot about myself. I like to play and I hope that my 'play' spirit lives on even when I get old and wrinkled. This goes along well these demons and ghouls of mining, people that know how to have a good time even though they're in their 40s and 50s and know how to make the most of it. I think everyone should have that side of them that should always remains playful for the sake of... happiness :)

I love my old Playgroup. Not only were they fun, and new bunch are also too, but I relate more to them. They were selfish, opinionated, logical bunch which I understood more hahhahahah... . I was the weakest link among them. So I had less effort to enjoy myself. They were born comedian, people with character!

Speaking of which, reminds me of a video clip I saw yesterday. It was "Charmless Man" by Blur. Love the song, no doubt. I knew what it meant before, but looking at video made me understood more what it's all about. A person can be successfull. Money and riches can be at his palm, but doesn't mean his a great man or a decent man even. No character, no charm, not interesting. He might have a hugo boss suit, but I pick Damon Alba with his leather jacket and sneakers.

Novi and me

Relating back to the Playgroup... I woulds say the old group are charming men, let's see what the new bunch are about :).

A room in the sky...

2010-10-02T23:15:00.000-07:00

I sometimes wish I had a room in the sky. Waking up in the morning would be a breath taking experience everyday. And when I had my shower in the vapor of clouds, I'd start the day by saying Hi to the flying birds, and stepping out, jump, and skydive to start my activities. What a great life that would be... now, how would I get back up there? Hmm...

That's why I love sleeping in small planes. Because I wake up to an incredible sight every time.

The Good, The Bad, The Nothing

2010-09-25T05:47:00.000-07:00

Some people consider being bad is easy. Just break the rules, don't follow any of them. And especially when you're high or drunk, then... it comes naturally. But it's also hard to be bad. Try being the bad guy in a situation that needs one. Rarely does one step up. And at these times, the people that do are the bad guys or actually doing the right thing. Or even try to break rules when you're basically a good person. It takes guts to break rules when you know that it would damage property, create loss, and even conflict danger to other beings. Especially when you have aged in your life and is presumably... wiser. But too much has been said about being bad anyways... so I'll skip it.

So is being good any easier? I think there is a misunderstanding about being good. Of course the term 'good' is relative but I'm not debating about it. The misunderstanding, I personally think is from either being good or doing nothing at all. Many of us tend to staple the 'good guys' to those that live their lives and not getting in to trouble; living live as it should be. While I think that this is the case of doing nothing. While being good is actually trying to be a saint. Helping people, saying thank you and please, no to be rude or impolite, of course to my own standard. So what are you? Or tp be more precise, what am I?

Take for instance when you see an accident happen and you just stair and watch. You're not laughing at the victims which could be relatively bad, but your not helping the victim at all being relatively good. You just watch... and see... and twit or change the status of you social network... and then tell someone. This is the case of doing nothing. Your neither good or bad.

Being nothing really depends on what your term of being good or bad is. If your default is being bad, then nothing is good. But if your default is good then nothing is bad.

I admit to be more of the doing nothing kinda person. I'm not good... I'm abstain. If I want to claim to be good, I should do good. If not that I should be bad. But not nothing, considering nothing is floating away.

In the case where people have a more colorful life, it's either being good or bad, and never nothing. I will not judge whomever has read this, even though I have made a verdict to which is good or bad or nothing. I'm applying this to myself as a reminder of what I want to be....

Why did I ever have this thought? I was reminded by a conversation I had with a new friend. It was spiritual and philosophical in mid day. Miss timing but valid. And I came to the 'wonders of mine' being... why am not that afraid of death? Am I a self righteous person thinking I've done good? Or am I bad having lost faith and fake believe that there is a consequence to my life on earth? This still remains a wonder since tendency is still on both side... I'll save that for later.

In the Sahara

2010-09-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

I'm so bored and down. I'm bored of work and really bad at it at the moment. My life is unplanned. My love life suck. My life is bland.

I don't know what I want now, and that is the most dangerous thing in life.

The Source of Silliness and Happiness

2010-09-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

As I have mentioned before, I like silly things. I like weird, absurd, mind boggling things too, but silly makes me laugh and let me quote King Julian in Madagascar 2, 'I like laughing'.

It makes me wonder why I have such liking to the silly? I was reminded when I was gathering with old and new friends. It is at my age or so that people like to look smart or, I'm sure, are really smarter than me. They can joke between the politically correct and incorrect. And as I sit amongst them... I was a bit bored. Maybe the jokes was internal, maybe it was plain not funny, I'm sure it's because I'm not smart enough, but I kinda turned my interest to the other interesting things around me. It is then I realize I rather see someone put a Date (the fruit) up their nose and be silly and improvise on that rather than word play with facts of life. Well I like having half and half of everything. You can't expect me to keep up with smart all the time, can you?

Then I wonder, why do I always want to be 14 when I'm clearly 30? Why do I always look for silliness? And when you're looking for an explanation for something in your life, the easiest answer would be... blame the parents hahahahaha...

My mother is the silly one actually. She loves to laugh and do things her way even though she knows it's silly. She admitted to me once that sometimes she does it on purpose just to make the ambiance a lot lighter and happier. It is this month (Ramadhan) that reminded me also of her silliness. It is on Idul Fitri where one of her antics just shakes my head. She loves to pray Ied at different locations. It just has to be not at home an she doesn't mind the distance (sigh!). For this purpose, she would leave my dad and brother (she takes me of course) to pray at home. She likes picking fancy mosque and prestigious fields as we are doing so this year, at the Gasibu field where the Governor will pray. Yes... the reason is because the Governor will be praying there. She likes to look at the people's fashion, people that really dress up for the occasion as she does, seeing TV cameras installed everywhere as if she was part of the shoot itself and just having a merry time. For her, it's extending her knowledge.

I use to despise this act since it was so much of a hassle. Until one day, she told this fact to my friends mother who was lying in the hospital. She told it as it is, and it was funny as plain as it was told. I had to chip in since... I too eventually fall for her seduction to follow her plan and confirm that all of it was true. My friend and her mother had such a stomach ache from laughing. I could see how silliness brought happiness. And that was what my mom did for my friends mother, a few months before she died.

It is my mom that rather ask for my dirty clothes everytime I come home and not ask for say souvenirs or fancy stuff from where ever I've been. It is her that would take singing lessons and really sing in front my dads colleagues for the sake of having an audience not really caring what it would do to my dads reputation. She is also the one that would rather hang out with a TKW (Indonesian slave.... ups!) in Arab so she could see the inside of a rich family's condo (she told me all their doors opened up automaticaly like in a space ship, God bless her!).

I am blessed to have her taste in humor. And it's this silliness that I have discovered many happiness. And little did I know, my Mom always slips her positive attitude in each of her silliness making my life as positive as it is. For that I thank her and I thank God for giving me such a silly Mom :p

PS: She was right you know. Because she loves to pray in fancy mosques, I now know the insides of many mosques that some of my friends don't. Hmff what do you know?

Fan, Fans, and Pineapple

2010-08-29T00:21:00.000-07:00

I don't know why people have to go out to have fun. Sometimes the best times are at home... I haven't had the privileged to play around with Sylvia, my mac, thus I did. I thought I would do some pictures ANTM style, complete with a fan and everything... I'm sure Tyra would be proud!

This is fan speed one

This is fan speed 3

These are fans :p

And this is being 14 (again)!

I just told ikansapisapi on how there are so little amount of people that are silly lately, especially people in my circle. You know, the kind that would wear panties on their heads, and go out singing on the streets. People that would do stupid but still responsible actions. I miss wackiness and I long for it. It's good crunchy laughs that anyone would enjoy. Why be prestigious looking and cool when you can be silly and happy.

The Muhaha dance.

And I was looking too far. The silly are around me. It's about joining forces and having fun with it. It's my housemates that are definitely looney, it's my indohoy mate, and it's me if I just had enough creativity. And I actually I think I know where it all roots from for me, but I'll tell you in the next post.

Nggrroookkk

2010-08-25T02:41:00.000-07:00

So bored in the office... trying to stay awake.... failed.

I just dozed of a few minutes in my chair. I'm bored. My work is almost complete but needs an OK from the boss. I'm blogging to avoid other snozzing hazzards like an open mouth when sleeping, drooling, and snoring..

It's working, but what happens when I stop blogging? .... zzz...

The pathetic bunch

2010-08-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

Tis the month of Ramadhan again, and our social calender is booked!

This year, I've contemplated on the idea of break-fast together as what Moslems in Indonesia mostly do. I've been wondering, why do we do the break-fast together, and why is it such an important event to have a break-fast together with friends in this month, when in fact you can do it on any other day? Some say it's to strengthen human interaction, which is true, and there is more blessing during this month... but I can't understand the fuss of it??? but anyways... I attend this social gathering when I can.

Now, what came to mind is actually what I thought about after I did my break-fast with my high school friends. It was a mini reunion, and only the 5 of us could make it. Another one attended by speaker phone. It's a pathetic reunion by number I admit, but not by quality.

Since I don't hang out with them much, I used the ultimate no no question when meeting old friends or new ones... "what do you do for a living?". I don't like using this question when there is so much more you can ask about... but I was a bit curious. My friends were: an architect that had his own firm, a contractor in BTS and communications, one working in government civil department, and one is a in business development in oil contractor company, and there was me (but enough of my introduction). The last 2 friends graduated had a masters degree abroad. The one of the phone use to work for a prominent newspaper.

To my surprise, this mini bunch has reached a state of success. And as I recall, we were a pathetic pile when it came to academics. I cheated on my test (don't tell anyone that :P). I was better at 'techniques of cheating' than what I cheated on. My friends were too. And some are just blind when it came to test and quizzes. I remember exactly, the business development dude, he couldn't do sinch on any test. But now he's developing his bosses business for oil, a very high profile business. The civil development dude was also a disaster in school, but who can deny his scholarship to Russia? Not to mention the one devil I have at home which we went to the same high school. She struggled at school, but now is holding a prestigious award for script writing.

Seeing where we are, what we do, it's clear to me that we were really lazy and clueless back then. We weren't dumb (or as we hope to believe), we just didn't know how to learn how to digest our knowledge and how to use it. We were better than what we use to be... and thank God for that! I'm glad we even passed high school. Could it be my high school facilitates rejects and slackers in the best way so that we can still survive the last of the teen years? I'm proud to see where my sad pathetic pile of people ended up, I'm proud that most of us can feed ourselves and not become parasites of others... high school was so overrated and not the best years of my life... I'm glad I didn't feed in to it too much because it really wasn't what my life was about :)

Yaahhh I don't have a picture for this blog :( Sad.

The concubine

2010-08-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

Why do people cheat on their husband/wifes? Can't they be grateful to have that somebody that will always be there? Probably that significant other has change or didn't live up to ones expectation, but in the case of a marriage, shouldn't you work it out or just quit it THEN find another person? Why should they be greedy and want it all?

In a few cases, I've been the potential cheating object by married men. I can't say anything about cheating women, but in the case of men... they really like testing out the waters. See how far they can go. And of course, I've never followed any of these leads. For simple reason: I want to get married, and I don't want to say 'payback is a bitch'. Even if I'm head over heals for them. I don't even bother men with girlfriends! The universe has its karma and I refuse to evoke it.

A friend said that men need variety, and I'm supposing that women do to. But is that really a legitimate reason to even flirt around, seeing who bites the bait? What is it they are looking for? And I do believe, cheaters do not realize the cheat.

Still being single (and hopefully not forever), I seriously would not think of cheating. In the case of just getting 'that one I've been long for' is hard enough, I don't think I'll take him for granted. I've been fortune told to have 2 marriages, but I'm praying that it's not because I cheat, if I do get 2 marriages.

It's frustrating to be single, looking for love, and ending up with potential of tainting another. Why can't men just go fuck other people's marriages instead and get the whole chaos working to the fullest, rather than mucking about with innocent souls like mine. Because once single gals that cheat with married men are left... they are left alone (well probably with a kid, ouch!), but other marriages... they still have they're family to come back assuming the cheating was possible...

As strange as this world seem to be, it never cease to always be stranger every day...

What the stars mean?

2010-07-17T06:33:00.000-07:00

Usually it would be a discussion about Horoscope... but I decided to blog this time because when coming in to the office tonight to browse I looked up at the stars. In an isolated island, with little light and a no air pollution, star gazing is at its best.

It's been a while since I've looked up at the sky at night and got lost counting the stars. I don't go out fishing anymore on this trip because the waters are a bit rough for such activity. But I realize, it's when I star gaze I feel very much close to God, feel in awe by his creation and how small and insignificant I am. It is then I feel I have no right to be arrogant, too proud, and above all. It's a feeling opposite to what I feel on top of a mountain which is feeling close to my creator and, although insignificant, I feel like a part of the universe, a speck that can not be neglected either. Everything mixed together and precipitates slowly in my mind.

It's at times like those days when I look at a certain star and wonder, is there someone like me on another galaxy staring back at me. Or am I just starring at a dying star... and then I wonder...

If a W is a double u, why isn't an M a double n?

To Be Happy and Congratulated...

2010-07-10T23:53:00.000-07:00

It was ma birthday ... it was ma birthday..... *doing birthday dance*

And yes, I finally hit the big 3. I'm 30 and actually quite proud to say it! Being 30 is... different. Usually, every birthday morning I chant my age to my self... 'Today, I'm ... '. OK it’s a bit tacky, but it’s my way to feel my age. It didn't feel much different throughout my 20’s, except for 29 because it was coming in 30. But on the 30th…

It was different, because it was more to...'ok ok... I kinda get the picture now' feeling. In a sense a bit wiser, in my own portion of course. I can see that there's more to life and there's not much more to it. Life is life, it's just what it is. I feel 30 although I still felt 22 just before my birthday. And I think I still feel 14 when I’m on weekends. Shouldn't everybody?

It wasn’t a smooth transition. I had a meltdown, shouldn’t you have one? Contemplating on what you have done in life, what you have achieve, what you wanted, what is in store in the future, your failure, your downside, the things you don’t want and avoid… shouldn’t you have a meltdown as part as the process?

Another thing that I learned was the meaning of congratulating someone on their birthday. In the Indonesian language, saying ‘Happy Birthday’ is actually ‘Selamat Ulang Tahun’ which means ‘Congratulations on your Birthday’. If it was a ‘Happy Birthday’ it would translate to ‘Ulang Tahun yang Bahagia’. That’s interesting. It’s a different context for Indonesians maybe. We congratulate those that have reached a certain age. Is this philosophically connected to the fact that in a developing country death is merely around the corner? Who knows? *shrug*

I thought it was all just BS. Now, never dreaming to be 30, I realize it is some achievement to reach such age. Think about it, you didn't get killed playing too much while you're a kid, you didn't kill yourself during hormonal teenage rage which was the hardest period of my life, you didn't give up when you had to feed yourself, and you didn't slit your wrist when the person you loved didn't love you anymore… you survived! We should all congratulate each other after passing so much.

So ‘Selamat Ulang Tahun’ to me. And a Happy Birthday to me. And to all that will and had a Birthday. It is no doubt something you should celebrate.

And the neighbors are whispering…

2010-07-07T17:15:00.000-07:00

I have underestimated the power of dangdut. I've never been so sure why the Indonesian people love it so much either than because the singers wear relatively skimpy clothes and they move really sexual as in sex positions and moves :P. But since I've been exposed a lot to it, I've come to realize, there is a whole different league underneath the shallow surface.

Singing to it in karaoke mode as loved by many Indonesians , I realize dangdut uses so much metaphores that even to my logic is geniusly exaggurated and still remain tacky. Let me use an example:

-Bisik-Bisik Tetangga-

Originally sung by: Elvy Sukaesih

Bisik-bisik tetangga mulai terdengar selalu ditelinga,

Sehingga menusuk di kalbu

Mengapa engkau harus menyimpan sekuntum mawar merah dibalik kelambu hitam?

Pabila dirimu ingin mencari hiburan, tapi sekurang-kurangnya jangan jual kasih sayang

Walaupun cintaku kau anggap layu di tanggan, tapi sekurang-kurangnya tempat memadu kasih sayang

Dia memang cantik, merayu semakin menarik

DIa memang lincah, selincah burung merpati.

Translated:

Neighbours are whispering in my ears,

and they're starting to bother my concience

Why must you hide a red rose behind a black mosquito net?

If you're looking for entertainment, at least don't sell your love

Even though you think my love is dying in you hands,

But at least you have a place to share love

She is beautiful, her teasing is seducing

She is frisky, as frisky as a dove

Exactly.!! WTF??? What does this mean? I didn't understand it either. Red rose behind a black what? Entertainment by selling love? A person moving like a dove? Really?

But to the Indonesians this means everything:

Why look for another when you have me (wife/husband) to love you even though I'm your compromise love.

The entire song is telling us about the neighbours gossiping because the significant other is having an affair somewhere.

That's all it's saying. And although it's saying a simple message, it's expressed to the max in sentences that will definitely lift your eyebrowse. There is so much more metaphors used in dangdut, things that would never EVER pop in my mind EVER! Did I say ever?

Dangdut is very melancholic and poetic. A poetic level that is so tacky as if there is nothing else there is in this world either than Love. (And isn't that what this world suppose to be?) It's written by simple minds, head over heals by Love may it be happy or sad, rewarding or disappointing, betrayal of others or by gold or the parents will.

Not to mention the technique of singing dangdut is really hard. They have what you call a cengkok. Pop singers always have difficulty to sing dangdut because of this. It's like R & B singing with all the vibrations and modifications. It's a Melayu thing. Because Wetar and this dangdut antics, I have a bigger appreciation towards dangdut. I understand more of what the Indonesians are about. After a dangdut session, they're all happy and ready for the next day. It's a story and remedy for us. And who ever wants to understand Indonesians, should always start singing dangdut. Seriously!

I use to say that I like the old dangdut songs, but I delete that. I like all dangdut songs because they mean so much more on a different level. And I will always love it as long as I don't have to listen to it too much. 10% of my whole music genre would be enough :D

Eventually I enjoy singing to it, especially if the other employees join in and dance to it. I feel like a dangdut singer, in a corset, miniskirt and boots, ready to be thrown money at. I feel special :).

I stopped running for a night...

2010-07-04T05:09:00.000-07:00

I watched 'The Runaways' a few nights ago. I felt like staying in for the night since I was quite fatigued uploading indohoy. So I watched The Runaways...

Needless to say... I loved it. And I recommend you to watch it. It's a classic tale of a rock band to the end. Well except for Joan Jett that rocks on \m/.

The original Runaways

One of my favorite character was Kim Fowley. Kim knew how to make a rock and roll band. He knew how to evoke the spirit of such raging little bitches. He knew what to say and everything he said about rock and roll and the male dominated industry was true. He said the truth. He knew how to rock! \m/ I didn't really like the movie version so much as imagining how the live person would be.

But what I felt after watching the movie is my point. I cried. I cried on the 2nd of July 2010, 5 days before my birthday becoming 30. I cried in bed, in my pillow so that the guy in the next room couldn't hear me sobbing. I weeped my eyes out. I cried because I was tired.

Joan Jett had a strong spirit. She had a empowering spirit for all aged women and she kept on going. Sure she probably was a bisexual, but a spirit to spread emancipation all the time is still a spirit to be praised for. A spirit that I wanted to have, and that night, a spirit that I let go off...

I was tired being such a tough girl. I was tired being one of the boys. I was tired of protecting myself of male danger. I questioned why I ever did so? And I question if I will ever continue to do so? Why should I? Empowering women? So guys see me as equal? What is the fucking point? It got me nowhere, and I didn't know if it will get me anywhere else. I was a bit damaged in the past, but I know I can't dwell on this forever. What is my point all this time?

I couldn't answer my question. And I cried harder. I was just exhausted to contradict every male trait and comment passed at me and all women kind. Most women probably wouldn't care if I did anyways.

And untill now, I still can't answer my own questions.

I praise Joan Jett and all her fellow emancipator for doing what she does and having the strength to keep on doing it. For maybe I can not :)

Another side of learning...

2010-06-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

I learned a lot from my first experience of diving. I’ve bloged about it in indohoy, but for traveling reasons. On the more personal side, I’ve narrowed it down to 3 principal revelations.

- Diving reminds me how mighty the Al Mighty is. She works in details and very hard core at it. I can’t even comprehend the reason why She made such a world that is limited to ours. It was mind boggling already knowing there is a lot of commotion in a forest without humans actually realizing it, but the underwater world is a different league. We even have to use gadgets to get down there and see that humans are not everything, yet significant on this earth. Why is there a parallel world even amongst us now? Fish couldn’t care less about humans once we’re underwater, we are mere fireflies in their world.
- After being exposed to the diving community, the soon to be diving community (including me at that time), seeing a parallel world underwater, then rushing back to the big city afterwards made me realize how lonely I am. And I’m not just talking about the romance side. Of course, it was heartbreaking not having that someone to share this wonderful experience. But this is beyond that. It’s as if I don’t belong anywhere. Being so happy underwater with all its wonders, and then coming up for where I truly belong and to society I barely know even until I get home, made me fuzzy to the identity I’ve established so far. Where exactly do I belong? Not to mention when I contemplated it with my love of traveling, having a sense of always traveling as home. Huff…
- On the other hand, the wisdom of learning something new, seeing something different, and meeting new people is also unexpected. I’m more content with myself after diving. I’ve accepted more of myself than I though I could. I’m happier knowing there is more to life than ours in a way. I am more stable in a sense. And I found my slot to shut up more even though it bothers me. A sensation I didn’t see coming. I love being in the water, and probably most of the time will be. And it’s for sure one of my escape from the terrestrial world.

To tell you the truth, it was a hard few days after diving. Being lost and not knowing exactly what was wrong with me. So it was a relief to have found these conclusions. I’m not sure what it will implicate in my future life, but anything I blog is that anyways :D
And oh it’s so hard to stay out of the water after seeing what is in it. I feel you Danang!

I was 14 this weekend...

2010-06-21T00:07:00.001-07:00

It was how I spent my weekend, 19 – 20 June 2010. I spent it like I was 14.

Friday night:

Hung out friends at their place. Had a few bites, had a few laughs, and browsed a bit on the internet. Had hot chocolate, lot of snacks and then headed home. Just another typical Friday night.

Saturday:

Woke up late. Came over to a friends place. Wore a skirt since I usually wear pants, kinda the opposite to when I was 14 having my uniform a skirt and going out in jeans. Went to a totally new area and had to wonder a bit before actually getting there. I didn’t have BB when I was 14 and neither do I have one now. So, I entertained myself by walking and asking around before I actually got there. Had her moms cooking, had a nap while my friend was watching a DVD in her room, met her mom and acted like a 14 year old coming over to her friends place. Said goodbye to her mom since we were going to the mall to shop. Had my backpack on and got on the bus. After a minor shopping session, hung out with friends, talking about everything including intimate details of thoughts including boys. Then I slept over at another friends place.

Sunday:

Wee hours spent having a little fun dancing with Christian Walkers ‘Weapon of choice’ on V channel and a song from Chemical Brothers. Baked a instant chocolate cake in the middle of the night, and having a fashion photo session, taking notes of Tyra Banks ANTM and putting it to action. She would have been proud. We were fierce! Taking couture to the next level. Fell asleep talking about life and boys, companied by sound of roosters walking up.

Got up late again. Had a lazy morning, late lunch, and sorry for an excuse bath in the afternoon. Phone was practically dead. Again, like I was 14, without mobile communication. Met another friend and went to Ancol to play with kites. Alright, these are grown up kites being heavier and bigger, but nonetheless still kites. Blue sky and great breeze added the whole ambience of play. Headed back and got a bite with new friends. Was dared to have a shot, and took the challenge for the sake of it. Talked about the most generic things, and then headed home.

Considering I’m coming in to 30, my life hasn’t all changed sometimes. Again, while playing kite, no body though I was already working, still thinking I was going to college. So to contemplate on is it a good thing or a bad thing to be almost 30 and yet live as 14? I say it’s a good thing as long as you know when to act 14, cause it’s never good to act your age on the weekends.

By the way, here is vira's say of the Saturday night ... here!

When it Comes to Travelling...

2010-06-02T20:54:00.000-07:00

1. I prefer traveling with a small group of people. Friends would be the best but I never reject any opportunity to travel with strangers.  I've traveled solo before and I didn't like it. I also don't like to travel with a lot of people, because the compromise is too much. 

2. I don't like tours. I don't like the limitations of a schedule and the restrictions of venturing beyond, especially when it comes to the money I make and the nagging of my parents that I have to hear eventually because of the trip.

3. I'm a sucker from motorcycles. I love traveling with them. You see everything, you feel the wind in your face, you get burned, you smell everything, and you get wet when it rains, you experience everything. Unfortunately  can't ride them. So when I do travel, I usually choose Ojeg as my main transportation (if I'm alone) or I rent one if my travel mates can drive one. 

4. I dread the 3 day limit. It's not that I hate a place after 3 days, on the contrary, a place grows on me after 3 days. I synchronize with the local frequency after 3 day, and after this point, I usually don't want to go home. 

5. I love local merchandises. But I should always limit myself in buying things. Not because I can't, but because I end up with too much stuff which eventually turn in to junk. I don't like not using my stuff.   

6. I like the revelations I get in my head. I don't remember them all, but I know I have them :) A list that I don't think I can ever finish.

To write or not to write...the question is good?

2010-05-19T00:57:00.000-07:00

Everyone is writing. Everyone has a blog. Yet, are we all writers?

After a poor research, writer is defined as:

1. a person engaged in writing books, articles, stories, etc., esp. as an occupation or profession; an author or journalist. (is blog writing considered story telling?)

2. a clerk, scribe, or the like.

3. a person who commits his or her thoughts, ideas, etc., to writing: an expert letter writer. (yes, we are writers by this definition)

4. (in a piece of writing) the author (used as a circumlocution for “I,” “me,” “my,” etc.): The writer wishes to state….

5. a person who writes or is able to write: a writer in script.

6. Stock Exchange . someone who sells options.

7. Scot. a lawyer or solicitor.

(taken from: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/writer)

Well, by definition number 1, 3, and 5, all who writes are writers. Thus anyone that writes words randomly is considered a writer. Being a writer seems to be so hip today. Sally, a friend of mine pointed that out, that everyone is somehow in a café or food court r somewhere typing on their laptop, expressing themselves. They all have something to say or write about. But not all are privileged with the status as a writer. I guess the question probably is, are you a good writer? Are you significant amongst those who write? Come to think of it, all blog writers are actually stimulating the publishing world. Those that write well would get publish, or for the case of being online, have a lot of readers. Those that write crap, stays crap. I think I am amongst the crap :P

As I once blogged, in my opinion good writers are those that have something to say, something significant, relevant. Well at least that’s my opinion. On that note, I know what I should write about if I ever do, even in the form of a blog. It may not be significant, but it could be relevant. One reason is indohoy.com. I still have a good feeling about it, and that it’s a necessary website. Other reasons, well you’ll probably find out.

How to be a good writer? That’s another challenge. But as I recall from a comment of this blog, you can learn how. The most significant tip I got is, rather than spending time chatting and facebook-ing and browsing or sleeping (darn this!), wanna be writers should just write. And they should always remember, it’s hard work to make it anywhere. I paid my due since I got sick a few days uploading indohoy stuff and getting not enough sleep. But I don’t think that’s enough… d’oh!

But one thing is for sure, every writer that writes honestly and unforced is the best writer. And I've just realized that this applies to myself. And I will try to remind myself of the feeling when writing anything at all. But to think we are all writing… are we all reading?

Talk about reading…

Dear Karen Armstrong,

I’m sorry but your book was eaten by my dog. I guess she was a bit restless about the theme when she saw it on the table one night. She probably read the book and got upset before she ever finished. She has issues. Oh well! Again, I’m sorry. I know there are more of your books published anyways and I’ll read this one till I’m done. I’ll tear it up if I don’t like it in the end. I'm not like Michelle, I don’t judge a book by it’s first few pages.

Sincerely,

Mumun

It's raining it's pouring, the old man is snoring...

2010-05-10T19:06:00.000-07:00

It's a Tuesday today and it feels like a Sunday. It's been raining since dawn and the rhythm, although still working, is slow. The coffee isn't working. The urge to constantly pee is what is keeping me awake. It's noon and the sky refuses to show any signs of it's buddy, the sun. Clouds are the main star for today. 

Everyone is reducing much of their work because of the rain, except for the ones in the office... like me. I need to finish at least 1 report today. Went up to the plant and it's a shut down day. It's a day with a lot to do for Processing and Maintenance. However it seems like a Sunday since a shut down always results in a less audio disturbance up in the plant. 

Got my self half wet because I had to cek the area while it was still raining. I love checking the area while it rains. It's environment action at it's best. Getting wet and staying in wet clothes is what I adore least. 

At these times I would love to blogwalk for the next entry I'm doing for Indohoy. With jammies on, socks, and my blanket up to my lap. Or read a book. I haven't read one in so long. I haven't even finished the last one having only one chapter left to read. I'm currently reading 'The History of God' slowly, as I usually read anybook. I left it on the gazebo table... Michelle took a read and tore it up. The cover is half eaten and the glossary is  half gone. Considering my last blog... what an irony :)

Michelle Ma Belle

2010-05-07T23:36:00.001-07:00

This is Michelle. The dog at my camp. She's the dog taken in by Opa, our so called grandfather of the camp. Opa spoils her roten with love, thus we are all contagious to give the same feeling towards her. She’s awfully cute, especially when she wags her tail. It’s so full of effort.

After my trip to Nia's place in Callala Bay, and after getting to know Rosie, her dog, I now have a different perception towards these species. Dogs are pretty funny. They’re kinda stupid like cats, but I think cats are just plain silly sometimes. Dogs are way friendly and super active. They give you relatively unconditional love and the obey orders. Thus, has more function.

Yet they are abandoned from Islam. Well actually we should avoid their saliva since it’s full of impurities that contaminates our holy cleanliness to pray. That does sound a bit heavy… ah well… It was said since long ago to be avoided. It was a precaution for Moslems so they can avoid the disease that dog spread, such as rabies I suppose.

So why did God make dogs? If there is a purpose, why aren’t moslems allowed to touch their saliva. And even though there are cures for rabies, why is it that moslems are definite to avoid them? If they were no good, why make them in the first place? Are they some kind of key element in this earth, especially knowing that have to evolve to be so loyal to humans. Take Hachiko for instance, all his life he was dedicated to his master even though his master passed away. According to a website I read, referred by Jowjow my literate mate, Akita’s are meant to be active. Once they're bored, they do silly and even destructive stuff. So what is it with dogs and humans that is so forbidden in Islam? There must be some reason.

Maybe it was from a life time worth of religious dogma that resulted in me to a cat person more than a dog lover. Even if I’ve changed my perspective I still can’t unconditionally love dogs even though I would love to try. Anyways, cats are way funny and they can entertain themselves as they like, not necessary slaves of humans. A trait I love about cats. I am still paranoid of dog saliva. Thus, I will have to partially love Michelle no matter how cute her puppy eyes are. I still hold on to my faith and have to believe that their saliva or even existence is stated as 'danger'. There must be a reason, and hopefully I find it one day and answer one of my questions of life. Like how I found why were meant to ... not eat pork... cos it's just plain good!

Growing?

2010-04-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I should grow up already. I should start acting like a mature adult. Many have said that I don't, and I should. To the least I should stop sounding like a kid as a default. Maybe people will then take me seriously on the first impression. I'm reminded lately because I realize I'm more comfortable on site because I act as I want. And most of the time is being a kid.

Hmm.. maybe I should. Why start listening to people now? Well, I can't really differ myself if I am a kid on the surface or I really am a kid all the way inside. Acting like a grown up could help me understand if I am grown up inside. Maybe I'll get hooked once I look sophisticated, charming, and well poised hehehehe... That is what grown men are looking for right?

But, what I fear the most is that once I start, I can never go back. I become paranoid of what is and what is not appropriate, forgetting that it was made from social consensus, and not absolute rightousness. And eventually you can become narrow minded as many mature adults are. I know a few people that are still childish yet are mature adults on necessary grounds. And they are the most open minded people I've met. Shhh... I idolize that part of them secretly. So I'm at some cross roads here.

Hmm... maybe, I'll try it on some days, and leave it on others just to test the waters. Maybe I'll find a new me somewhere. Although I don't think I can change much by now, but maybe I can find something new that is hidden inside. So probably I should start now and stop blogging on office hours since professionalism is said to be a mature trait? :P

Travel, See, Hear, Speak

2010-04-05T12:00:00.000-07:00

People travel for different purposes. Some for business, pleasure, curiosity, or for a certain occasion which sometimes you know you can't categorize as pleasure although it's not business. You know, a friends wedding who you actually secretly hate, family gathering that torture you with question you hate to hear, or some routine obligatory visit you wish yo could avoid.

I sometimes still ask people why they are in a certain place, why they travel, or what are they looking for especially those that are traveling for pleasure, but I don't do it so often anymore. I spare the chance of forcing people explaining the reason if they happen to be on that unpleasant trip. I'm more interested to know what they know, see, and experience during their travels. And so I leave traveling as traveling itself no matter what the reason is.

I don't know why people travel, I myself travel to feed the constant curiosity of seeing knew sightings. I travel to enjoy beauty and to learn about the mailable world. I see things that are breathtaking, mind boggling, and confusing, let it be natural or artificial scenery, or just basic human interest and interactions. I love the surprises I see on the road, the problems and problem solving I have to do, and the unknown for the next second since I don't plan too far on during traveling. Little did I know, I crave for it if I don't get a regular dose of it.

I always thought that people that travel are the wisest. They see more than what other people that don't travel see. But I that isn't the case I guess. I've met the wisest people that never travel and see the most selfish pricks on the way around the world. The wise are the wise, they are blessed with the point where things must turn and they learn from it. And the not... are not.

So where have you been and what have you seen? But we'll leave that to when I see you on the road hey? ;)

Revelance?

2010-03-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

Recently, I read an article by 501places.com about what makes a great blog. I can't really remember all the pointers but the one thing that stuck to my mind is... how relevant is your blog compared to others? What is it that you say that differs you from other people's entry?
Yeah sure you're unique and you're writing is 'original' and no one else can do it, and THAT probably is for the best, but what is it that YOUR saying that is worth writing?

If it's a personal blog, then that is you're prerogative. But if you have bigger goals or want to say something worth heard and YOU WANT TO BE HEARD then... better vogue and make a stand!

As for me, this time I'm not going to be relevant nor significant in this discursus (while it is not a discursus), I will only refer to someone that has said somethings that I have had on my mind on a few issues and have express them better and faster than me. I will support this dude for his relevant views which are spot on to what I believe.

I'm vogueing behind number 2, 7, 8, 9, and 11. Oh and I do like his latest column in the Jakarta Post feature or something, last weekend. I don't stand behind all of them. For some, well we're not from the same habitat so, I don't know what he's talking about. However, I do somewhat dig this dude for he is fairly traditional to a very modern surrounding that he lives in. Keepizle it rizzle indizzle!

Now how relevant is that?

God, I need a brain check!

A side of romantism

2010-03-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

I know I talk quite a bit about love, my love life, and other crap about it... but I'm a melancholic and some what romantic, may it be a conventional definition or not, I am. So, I can never get enough love. Who can?
And a few things stirred this part of me lately...

I was first tickled by Chuck of the series Gossip Girl.

It's been a while since I had a crush on a fictional character, and I felt like a teenager again. So sue me :D. But turns out my fascination is not of Chuck... not alone to be exact. It's Chuck and Blair. I haven't felt so envious of a fictional pair for sometime. I'm definitely one of the oh so many fans of this -scheming bitch and the powerful arrogant boy- couple. Not only are they powerful, they 'plan' well, and not to mention full of ambition and guts to do what ever is necessary for their goals even though it will take 'lives'. Now that's rock and roll, honey! But back to the romanticism of it all.... I think they're romantic because they're broken people which meet eventually. I always find broken people finding love in each other quite satire and romantic.

Another thing that is romantic is the song 'Follow the Cops Back Home' by Placebo. And nooo... it's not because I watched their concert, although it did bring the song a lot more alive watching it live. There some warmth in the story of the song, how -probably- again, about broken people doing things together and sharing so much feeling and experience in the presence of each other. For subjective reasons, I feel so much emotion trying to imagine all the events in this song. Ah.. young and stupid and meaningful, present and future.

Here is a read through their lyrics.

The call to arms was never true
Time to imbibe here’s to you
I’ll tell you stories bruised and blue
Of drum machines and landslides

Just one more round before we’re through
More psychedelic yuppie flu
It’s such a silly thing to do
Now we’re stuck on rewind

Let’s follow the cops back home
Follow the cops back home
Let’s follow the cops back home
And rob their houses

The call to arms was never true
Let’s take a ride and push it through
Suspended animation glue
Blame it on apartheid

Let’s spend the night in Jimmy shoes
I’ll give you coats and cheap shampoo
I’ll give you nothing else to do
Now we’re stuck on rewind

Let’s follow the cops back home
Follow the cops back home
Let’s follow the cops back home
And rob their houses

The call to arms was never true
I’m medicated, how are you?
Let’s take a dive, swim right through
Sophisticated points of view

Let’s follow the cops back home
Follow the cops back home
Let’s follow the cops back home
And rob their houses

So, that's a piece of romanticism for you. It's not valentine or the day I found love,... it's just 2:45 am.

It would be an honor

2010-02-13T08:52:00.000-08:00

Within a few days, I would be watching Placebo live in concert. And I'm not trying to brag here. Tonight I happen to see a youtube video of them playing 'For What Its Worth' acoustic. Yes, they are now older and in this particular video, they seem like a washed up band with no fangs left.

But... what goes to mind is... how they use to be a great band. A friend of mine has given up to rock bands that come to Indonesia no longer in their prime, because they're old and no longer have that smack affect. But for me? I feel like it would be an honor still be able to watch them in action. So, for what it's worth, I'll see you there!

Man to monkey.... Monkey to happy? I am the lead monkey

2010-02-05T02:51:00.000-08:00

I was praised to be a cute white baby.
My mom had a hard time raising me because she was alone.
I was loved for being the cute active kid.
I was constantly pinched by grown ups. It hurt!
I was liked for being a healthy girl.
I wasn't popular because I was less propositional.
I was teased for being having curly hair.
I did make second best.
I was ignored for being mediocre
I had less expectations on my back
I was underestimated because I was too loud.
I had great laughs.
I was strained because I was too confident.
I was brave enough to bend some rules to my advantage
I was sneered for being carefree.
I saw great places, meet great people.
I was threaten for being idealist.
I made a choice I can be responsible of.
I'm pitied because I'm single.
I'm still happy and patient
Do you think my life is degrading?
I'm doing quite alright right?

a little inspired by 'One Hand in My Pocket'-Alanis Morrisete

It's my sci fi life

2010-01-16T06:27:00.000-08:00

While others enjoyed it, I fell in to a slight depressed state after watching AVATAR.
Yeah sure, I also did the "Uuww"s and "Aahhww"s! But that's not something new, and there is nothing I can add more to this side of the story either than it is a totally recommended movie to all.

Now here is my point on my depression.
Remember that job I was offered, and didn't want, and kinda want again? Well I got accepted. Now I am on the verge of thinking should I leave Wetar or not. A lot of my colleagues think it's a waste of time to think about this, there should be no doubt that I should move. But...

I've been trying to compare both jobs constantly, also been seeking for mere unimportant signs, and praying for an answer to the Al Mighty. But I have yet made a firm decision. For those that don't understand my confusion, Avatar might help you.

Avatar is about mining (or corporations, what ever scale it may be) and I happen to work in it. And as harsh as the movie pictures mining to be it, the reality is as real as it is! All from the money digging corporate, all the way to the native surviving locals. Everything you see is real! IT'S REAL PEOPLE! You think it's sci fi? It's not! It's real. Just because the Na'vi (which maybe is derived from the word native???) are blue, doesn't mean they don't represent another race of humans! Through my eyes, there is nothing sci fi about the movie :(

So what has it got to do with my new job offer and my slight depression? Let's make it short:

1. This new job offer, it's coal. Now coal has a reputation for taking up a LOT of area for production. This is also due to the characteristic of coal that exist in mass volumes. Mass murder as greenies would say, and to the ecological world, that's just plain harsh! When you see people evicted in slum areas, opening up large amount of forest at once is similar. I'm not saying that animals and plants are the same as middle lower class, but they both have no saying in the process. It's a mass wipe out. Just like in the movie, a lot of species die. While mineral mining still have a choice because it's a waste of money to do the unnecessary work thus, opening just enough land for production.

2. The corporate people are describe to be so cold hearted to kill the natives. The reality is, although probably not in Wetar, but a lot of mines (and may I add, a lot of other industries considering a lot of land such as logging, plantations etc) do 'smoke' out the native people. Guns are a choice of weapon. It sounds really cruel, and it is. But considering our lifestyle and the needs we have today, somebody has got to do it.
It's pragmatically unfair that some people really have to be the front line for other people's luxury. For the money? Sure! But it doesn't mean there is no other sacrifices. They have to deal with the remoteness, the limited circumstances, far from their loved ones, the naive natives that want to live on their own land, and deal with the horror look on the natives face once they are evicted by force. They have to do it.
And probably, by the end of the day, or the movie, some people would curse mining and these people in the front line. No matter what they have to go through, no matter how many mouths they have to feed, and no matter how much threat they have to deny. It's pragmatically unfair that miners are cursed. Which comes to the last point:

3. People just watch the movie, even text messaging and making calls during it! It's just a cool movie to watch for them. After that... they go home. They probably would discuss about it, again cursing mining and what they do, and then do their daily lives the next second. So?
God knows why people don't realize that this is happening to day. Mining and all it's crap is happening. It will always be happening because of one simple thing... demand! (Some would say to spin the wheel of economy but poteto potahto) As said in the movie, 1 kg Unobotanium (is it?) cost 20 billion dollars. People somewhere on earth wants it bad! Same to all minerals and oil and gas today. There is a high demand for it.
When it comes down to... what are we (as in me and you, and everyone else) using in our daily lives that is so important to create such war in paradise? What? A question that you and I should ask ourselves. Is it all worth it? If it is... then take the consequences, and don't be blind and simply blame others.

I'm just another person talking crap about the environment.. I hope I never stop talking about it, since many have stopped caring.

I need fogiveness

2009-12-20T23:49:00.000-08:00

I can't think anymore today since about 3 o'clock.

I truly realized now that I am working in a serious business. I've learned the magnitude of my job and the risks involving the mining environment.

It' slapped me in the face this afternoon, but it just started to burned now.

I risked someones life today and I shouldn't take things so lightly.

And I will always have a restless heart until I apologize personally to him.

Interrogated and psychologically tested

2009-12-15T04:13:00.001-08:00

I just had another job interview a few weeks back. It was a strange experience I tell you. I actually declined the job at first, thinking I still owe a project to the company I'm currently working with. But my ex boss who offered said that I will always owe something to the company I'm working with. True! So, I submitted my resume, thinking there are a lot more candidates qualified for the job. None the less, I got called in to do an interview.

Usually I prepare myself as charming as possible when attending an interview, not to mention all dressed up and stuff. But this time, I really didn't have the urge to. I wore something that I usually would wear to work, and trust me it's not you everyday work ensemble. I didn't want to nail the job as much as I want it if it were mine. You know what I mean right?

So there I was, pinning up my bag since it broke when I tried to get there. At the point where my bag broke, I lost all ego and let my hair down. I goofed off with the tukang ojeg, I kid around with the door guard, had philosophical talks with a warung owner, but still didn't like the office receptionists. I entered the so called fancy green simplicity decor office and felt intimidated. I became nervous realizing that I was going to meet corporate people which I usually do not like their judgement and tend to be stiff. I'm so use to small companies and small families that are made within them. I was alarmed by the possibility of facing a rejection that can hurt my ego for the next few days.

I sat there filling an application form as any fresh graduate would do. I thought... WTH??? When can I be signed without all this mumbo jumbo? It ached more when I realized that I had to sit there and wait another 30 minutes. Feeling that all of this is a bunch of crap, I lost respect for the company. I thought, who needs who here? I'm not lookin for a job, but they're looking for an officer. So I gained back confidence and didn't care everytime the receptionist girl glanced my way with a sneer... hehehehe yes I'm exaggerating. But I'm no conflict seeker, so I sat there and waited, curious how long my wait will be. Surprisingly, my confidence dropped again seeing there were 3 people interviewing me. I felt ambushed.

They put me on the stand and started to ask me questions. I answered them as neccesary as possible, not as charming as I usually try to. Intimidated again, reminded that interviews are sometimes like interrogations. After being asked a few questions, I found their slot. Two of these men were field workers and no matter what they will always hate the boring predictable un-confident answers. So I loosen up, becoming me that works in the field. Again, this was easy considering I was half hearted to take the job anyways, I had nothing to loose. And from this point on, everything was OK. I didn't feel like they were any superior, just people, and we had a few laughs.

After that I didn't really care what happen next, may I be called back or not. But I tell you, an interview this far in the business feels strange even though I have such minimum experience... or maybe is it, an interview in this age feels strange??? Whatever it was, it was wierd because I felt so superior in my own company, I thought I knew it all! When in fact I knew shit outside of the company. It must be even stranger for guys that have more experience to still be interviewed.

I long for the day I will be hired without an interview. Where I will be so good at what I do, people would be line to hijack me. Wait... there's a call... I have to do a psychological test? &^**&&^%$$#%#$%

I started to fill in the test the way they wanted me to fill it. These tests have a formula, and we all know it right? But by the 3rd question I gave up. It was too hard to keep up what they wanted so I filled it carelessly.

I felt psychologically violated in this test. I was asked whom I was and what I prefer. I hated the moral test. It's such a dilema. The most hated question was... "chose one: suck up to the boss, or be weak only be accepted with you collegues". This question came up about 5 times and I swear it gave me the hardest time evertime I came across it. First shot I tried to answered (again) according to HRD demands, but once I found the question the next time, I suddenly took it seriously and started to compare my boss and my peers... guess what I answered?!
I finally realized that I wasn't happy with this question and wished there was a third option. Life can not be categorized as a psychological test where answers are not as sharp as a cookie cutter, although problems are as cut throat as it is. I loved all the math and drawing questions. But don't give me the moral test, I don't have the heart.

I felt that flunk by the time I finished the test. I realize that I have changed in the past years work wise, and I have passed the test and interview differently as I would a few years back. So did I get the job or not? We would have to see... I haven't had a call back yet. But if not, I'm good, for I finished this entry in the hills of Wetar Island, while downloading from the weather station, amongst the sounds of birds singing, the drilling gear, and the mist of humid soil after a light rain. Not to mention feeling superior in this small company.

21 Dec 2009:

I've had some things come on to mind and ... some things happening ever since I blogged this (which isn't that long a go)... I've changed my mind. Maybe I want that job offer :P

How sci-fi queers and answers on match make in heaven

2009-11-19T01:39:00.001-08:00

I've been very open to meet single guys lately, none other reason than to seek my spouse to be. It's getting a bit boring living single all the time you know... anyways! Just trying to open up opportunities ... and so far... none have succeeded.

I can't help but wonder, if there are so many great single guys and gals around me, and still within my closest circle, why can't they match up? Or should I match them up? Why am I not matched up? If they do match, shouldn't the universe do that without my help?

What does this mean?

Are we, single guys and gals, all just broken locks and keys to heart aches and principles? Will we ever meet our match? Unless, the broken locks meet the broken key so specifically that their cracks match perfectly? Are we so broken that we need more effort to find 'the one'? As the movie "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" would imply... the question to be answered by the ultimate answer to all question about life, universe, and everything is ... Is she/he the one? (Love the movie by the way!)

When people get divorce, would that mean that they add another crack in their lock and key, or are they so broken they can open up any lock?

Or is the ultimate answer to all question about life, universe, and everything is again answerd by the sci-fi movie "The Matrix"? By answering.... 'Because I choose to'?

A mystery, it remains!

Happy Hands and Feet

2009-11-09T21:29:00.000-08:00

Twas the 30th of October 2009,
and a big was about to happen that night.
After work through the dreaded jam,
between the hustle bustle and screwed up things,
ambiance wasn't what was to seek,
but the act of Slank and the Ting Tings.

A little yucky poem to open up my entry about dancing.
There I was, ready to watch one of the best new artist around... The Ting Tings. A bonus, I might add, was the Slank charity concert before it. I've never watched them live before. There is no doubt in my mind, SLANK CURRENTLY IS THE BEST BAND IN INDONESIA!!! Their music is HOT and so is their performance, no matter how much false teeth they have all together hehehehe...

Anyways... standing at the tribune, all piled up somewhere near the stairs, me and my friends (Vira and Leci) awaits these new comers. I was really curious if they were 2 people and whether thet had additional players...They didn't. Seeing them rock (yes, I think they rock in the lifestyle definition even) on stage, kinda made me imagine where they came from. I bet you they started somewhere in the basement or garage and had this musical vision that no one else shared. They struggled from bar to bar or online until one day a producer discovered them. I guess they usually hang out with their usual friends, people like you and me, and how their friends always support them through every gig. They would be just slightly odd compared to their compadres, but it's so subtle that you would notice until you talk to them. And in parties and gigs, they would be dancing!

Photo courtesy of Vira

By the time they started the 3rd song, the area around me started to loosen. I think the girl besides me felt so annoyed by my ridiculous over the top dancing (compared to most Indonesians) and my super screams in her ear. I can tell because every time I did something, she would smirk at me and say something to her friend... ah well, more room for me :D! So once these (I think) high school girls ran away from me... all hell break loose! Now again, I'm 29 and proud to say so, and I'm dancing like a 13 year old. Why?

1. I LOVE DANCING!!! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!!!
2. There's room
3. Concerts are celebration of music
4. It's high appreciation towards the performer (and appropriate for this particular performer to be exact)
5. The lights are dim and I probably don't know these people anyways...

Now here comes my point. I have concluded that I am disappointed in the Jakarta crowd when it comes to enjoying music. I come from Bandung, a city that is drowned by music appreciators, and I can only say that Jakarta's crowd is not as enthusiast as the Bandung scene. Bandung people dance! Now I don't know if Jakarta people don't know how to move, or they didn't know much about the band, or they think their outfit, their age, or their prestige is too precious, but the gestures seems to be too homogenize for a city with such diverse people.

As people that claim to be highly educated, too bad they've never learned anything about performing. When performing, it's thrilling when you know your audience is enjoying your act and showing it. It could be in various gestures: applause, standing ovation, head banging, toe tapping, or like me, dancing way crazy. To make things shorted, I believe the Ting Tings would love to see their crowd dance. How would I know? BECAUSE THEY CONSTANTLY ASKS US TOO. And for that, and point numero uno, I did! I don't know what y'all elite people think about it but this is my appreciation towards this struggling band. Even Katie (the girl) constantly moved through her songs, and she never ever ever stopped. Unlike some of us that was too proud.

Keep up, falling, these heels they keep me boring
Getting glammed up and sitting on the fence no
-That's not my name, The Ting Tings-

It sad to think that the Ting Tings had to perform infront of an uptight corporate socialite crowd, and it's ironic that their lyrics actually critique their audience. 3/4 way of the show people around us started to dance. Yes, better late than never, but too bad because I think they missed out on a great opportunity to be foolish without being misplaced. I heart the Ting Tings. Please come back soon!!

I did peek in to the act of Tortured Soul. A loungy kinda sound. And some people were dancing... wait... they were foreigners and drunks... ah well better drunk that concious then hehehehe...

In the end, I will always choose to dance, no matter if I'm 29, 37, or 53 and dancing with my grandchildren (amin). Let it be in concerts, in my car, on site at a dodgy karaoke bar, with my friends, or just alone at home. Although I'm not that looney to dance in the streets alone, I'm not afraid to bob around to the music from my earphone.

But wait.... there is something that I realize while waving my hands around up in the air. I realize that my future boyfriend or husband hopefuly has a great appreciation towards music, thus to my dancing. Or he at least understands my point of view. He doesn't have to move like me but I hope he shows some appreciation towards the performer. And I will always understand whatever his choice of gesture may be, for at least he has the guts to stand beside me :D

Growth over night

2009-10-27T23:22:00.001-07:00

I never knew how grown up I am.

I was on a trip one weekend and suddenly I see myself differently in the pictures taken. It was taken by a super cool camera, the kind that gives you sharp results. I saw that my face was no longer carefree no matter how hard I try. I was just older. Never thought that that day came... the day I admit that I'm older. Age is no longer just a change of number, it's droop of acceptance in my eye lids.

As I see myself, I see time, patience, acceptance, selfishness, tiredness, boredom, maturity, disturbance, ignorance, care, ... choices and choosing, consequences and plans and everything all mixed up.

Not trying to drag my friends down with me but, I can see that they have aged with me too. We've been friends for 10 years now, and our faces have definitely changed. Not all show the same change, it’s one way or the other.

And I’ve also come to realize this seeing other friends now. People that I see daily or even rarely. I thought it was a change only to those living in Jakarta. You know? …because of the stress. That’s not the case it seems. All of my friends have different faces now. We have all evolved.

So, I should be able to define old since I have defined it in myself and my friends (according to me that is). Being older I think is about experience and choices and how you face and deal with it. If I see myself as older now, that would probably mean that I have admitted to having more experience and I now am less ignorant of the implications it has to my life, I'm affected by it. Maybe I should consider it as mature, but honestly it’s something different. I see an older version of my face. But so be it. I’m older now. And hopefully I will grow old gracefully.

Too add to that, it’s been a while since we had a trip like this. Went to the gate of Gede-Pangrango National Park and crashed in the volunteer office there. A small bamboo weaved house with wooden floors. We came in about 12 am in the cold dark night, and just chit chat away then slowly snoozing to bed. Waking up to a fresh morning air, peed and brushed out teeth with super cold water (I didn’t mention bath hey? In defense, we were in a hurry), and with blasted dangdut music from the distance park. It was a deep sleep, even though it was on the floor, that I don’t really experience a lot in Jakarta. Then headed home caught in the open-closed gate system of Puncak. It ended in Naynay’s (Ninins niece) 3rd birthday party with some singing and dancing. All and all it was a night and day that wasn’t planned, required a lot of energy, but resulted in a really great weekend. It’s been a while since we did this, and I’m glad we did! For no matter how old we were, turns out we’re still not too old for the surprise of uncertain circumstances.

In the name of love for Indonesia's creation

2009-10-02T02:22:00.000-07:00

Wore my Batik scarf as an obi.
My batik was from Pekalongan. The pattern was a modification of 'tambalan' pattern.
Still trying to be, as my friend Tari would put it, an 'eccentric wannabe'. Refuse to be the same as everyone hehehehe...
Almost everyone who I assume has internet access, wore Batik today. Plus those who are obliged to wear them (schools, offices, etc).

Does it really have to take another nation (Malaysia) to remind how precious our culture is? I heart this nation and all it's creation.

HAPPY BATIK DAY!

Will there ever be a happy Makassar weaving cloth day? (I wan't my root cultured creation to be loved by the whole country too)

I forgivr blogger.com

2009-09-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

WTF? Why can't I publish my last blog? What's goin on? I put a lot of thought in to it and now I can't publish it. Ohgggrr... Good thing it's Idul Fitri... I forgive you blogger.com Huaaaaaaa :((

Feeling a little ambitiousless...

2009-09-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

I think I dropped my edge somewhere... I seem to have lost it. I can feel how very much stable my life is and how it is becoming (again) fulfilled with superficial wanting. I think I have given up to the established world since I can just live through it without any substantial problems. Not that I want any, but I do miss some rush. I also miss ambitions, and as Sally analyzes it, the lack of any is caused by my steady life at the moment. There is nothing to fight for, or to be exact nothing that I want to fight for.

Yeah I have a job to do, but is so so at the moment. Yeah I’m still mad at countless issues and antics of the world, but I've failed to have a strong argument and vast outlook, thus succeeding in having such a narrow mind. Am I claiming to have an open mind in the past? Not necessarily, I would like to at least say I try to be. I think, this use to be one of my edges, being able to see another side of things than others.

I don’t appreciate too much music anymore, nor movies, nor books, nor news. I’ve become ignorant and lazy. I have forgotten how much money I wanted to access so many resources in the past. I’m trying to remember what I wanted while I was in college. Hmmff… I can't really figure out what to do with my money now other than to buy superficial things that does not better myself (well maybe better myself a bit, but physically), my spirituality, moreover the world. I think, when people reach this stage, the back door is to just donate money without actually thinking about a better solution or to think of the consequences of such donation?

One symptom that I realize of this loss is that I don't have anything to browse about. I have less curiosity. A whole world is at the tip of my fingers but I have nothing to seek. Even the effortless Facebook can’t help me here,… 5 minutes is enough. Isn't that just pathetic?

Why do I need an edge anyways? The edge makes me feel better. To some extent, it can also make me a selfish pig. But it’s this edge that I find satisfying answers which I can make peace to myself. And although many definitely wouldn’t consider it an edge… it’s definitely much ‘sharper’ than this bland state I’m in.

Have I become that person, who just works without a dream or ambition even for the next day? So established that there is nothing else to seek and that the world is a better place to live in (well it is anyways as I believe). I've seen so many examples around me so I guess it's a phase in life. But seeing the examples there is... some have failed to step out of it. Hiiiiiii... now that's scary... I hope I can get out of mine soon... I gotta find an ambition...

But I can tell you this, after 10 minutes of trying to remember one ambition, I finally found it. I envy those oriental parts of the world having boybands, making the local girls crazy about the native skin… and the biggest boyband to date… SUPER JUNIOR with 13 personals. Love their single and video "Sorry Sorry Sorry". Why can’t we make one? I still am a bit ambitious… may I even say obsessed to make a successful Indonesian boyband :D (now how would I do that?)

The different kind

2009-08-10T01:22:00.000-07:00

I don't see myself as photogenic. I don't really see me as cute, pretty or beautiful in pictures even if I try. Sometimes I get good pics, most of the time not as hoped, ah well... So most of the time I make faces, because there is no point of making the same faces in each picture anyways... you don't see the ambiance of the moment.

But I do like the girl I see everyday in the mirror. Not so in the morning, because for some reason my eyes can't seem to have that morning freshness. I definitely am a nocturnal being. Coming back to what I was saying... no matter how ugly I make faces in the mirror, I like what I see. Thank God, I can accept it and I'm very happy with what I got. Yeah there are the occasional zits, sun burns, and bad hair days, but overall that don't bother me THAT much.

Now working in the east part of Indonesia shows me much about what beauty is about. You really see different characters of faces, and what people try to look like. The east Indonesia is dominated by Melanesian African looks. And for these people, they were born like this, and they can't help them selves. So very different especially with the west of Indonesia being more melanesian oriental look. Sometimes honestly, I see them as ugly, and pity comes in. And at these moments I ask my self why do I think they're ugly and why do I pity them? It's not like they have a choice to be born as such. What would I want them to look like? Pleasant looking? What's that? .... desperate need of a reality check here!!!

From top to bottom: Benzelina and her mom, a little local girl, Maskur, wife of Paa, Charles, Amas and Carlos. Amas and Maskur are siblings. Aren't they so good looking? ;P

Lately, after seeing so many eastern friends, due to the festive nature of our upcoming Independence day, I realize that I can't see them as ugly; and I musn't. Looking closer, I could see how good looking these people are. The girls are exotic and the guys are handsomely raw. Just different. I can see that with the characteristics they have, they can be beautiful as hell in their own way.
I remember when I was in Sydney. Looking at so much Caucasians made me realize, there is no way Indonesian beauty or what ever that maybe, can be compared to Caucasian beauty. They are just made to be delicate! Light skin, blue/green eyes, with features that you just can't beat. And most of them are just good looking even though if they are considerate as moderate. I've come to realize that I too was consumed by western beauty as a standard. And that pageants are just absurd when it comes to comparing beauty standard... hence Miss Indonesia that can not speak Indonesia nor does she know much about Indonesia *sigh*.

This is where globalization becomes very scary. People just wanna be beautiful with different understanding, I dare not say miss for who am I to judge what is missed and what is not. There are countless locals with bonded hair, facial power 3 tones lighter than their skin tone, which is a no no, and fashion worn that does not flatter their body shapes. But it's their choice, I respect that. I just hoped there will be more awareness towards this. I guess the Caucasian beauty rules the urban world at the moment, but hopefully there will come a time where all beauty is appreciated as the Benetton add. We are just different! To this I salute Benetton.

I also realize another point of what traveling is all about. It's seeing more things, understand how mailable the world is. I don't know if we should have more tolerance or not?! But we should have more respect for different conditions and different decisions that people make. Without traveling and seeing these difference, we become more narrow minded. And I advice anyone to just take a step to a direction that you have never have before.

But of course, some have their own 'personal standards' which they tend to keep hehehe... HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

PS: on this note I would like to salute to Gelar, my friend here hired to teach English and reading. He has seen more since he is amongst the locals. He speaks their language and understands a their jokes. And he definitely understands the people more no matter what his personal opinion is towards them.

When you're really creative...

2009-07-23T00:35:00.000-07:00

Me and Aji was just sitting around the house one night and he happen to have a great idea... What if phones was the shape of a mini rice cooker? Wouldn't that be sooo cute? Don't believe me?

This is when you receive a phone call.

This is when you receive a confusing call.

This is SMSing with a huge screen. Even people can peek from behind.

This is what other phones can't do at the moment... isolate your confidential conversations.

Of course it has to look stylish to the mall. How can anything be any cuter than this (the phone I mean, no comments on Aji please)?

Then there is the taking a picture pose...

And there is the hands free look.

Ok it's not practical to bring I admit, but since when is fashion practical???

It was my birthday ... it was my birthday... and then... the bom?

2009-07-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

I had my birthday a few days ago... it was my 29th. Not a shamed to say it... well, learning to not be ashamed about it hehehe...

I had a GREAT day! A midnight surprise party by my housemates, work was great cos I learned so much from our brilliant consultant, had a special guest star popping up, getting excellent prezzies, and of course the -dinner with friends- fiasco. What a day...

Before hand, phycologically, turns out to be pretty scary becoming 29. It really is a close number to 30. Didn't feel it when I turned 28! Coming in to 30 seems like coming to a different stage. It felt as if I have to be different then who ever I was. Had thoughts circling... if I'm almost 29, but I feel like and seems like I live my life the way I did when I was 22, is that a good thing or a bad thing? This was the depression side of the whole 29th birthday experience. Depressed because I have this believe that it shouldn't due to society preassure. But since I have great friends, they succeeded in erasing such feeling making me all happy and learning to be proud being 29. It is just a number... as they say.

But here comes the worst part after a great party... the morning after! Well it wasn't so the morning after because I didn't sleep that night and headed straight to Bandung for the election... but it's the right saying. It's the days after that... when things become usual. And after all that love bunddled up in one day, tomorrow is another day. The next day, even though hectic with work, I still came to my normal usual house. Although I enjoy my me time very much, it was such a drastic change to to the full of love birthday. So this is the morning after they talk about. Ah well... I guess the worst part is what makes us wait at the edge of our seats for the next party event!

This was my birthday outfit. Dress code (which no body else wore): catholic school girl. I am trully 19 at heart :)

Want to comment about the bombing... I still have mixed emotions and thoughts about it... can't make a straight opinion about it like everyone else... how I wish I could! I'll pend it for a moment

Hoping that I invested well...

2009-07-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

As the election came in the month of July 2009, the country became festive. It's no different to when the soccer season is here. People with banners, posters, and aqua bottles filled with rocks, decorate every candidate debate when open for public. I love it! People happy and full of hope!

I guess this is the reason I chose to use my vote this year. And it's no ordinary vote... it's my most expensive vote to date.

I got my ass down to Bandung just to make a small tick to the one I have faith in achieving a bit of the country's well being. I don't really care who wins actually.. I just have hope that I my vote increase the possibility of this person to help us develop our beloved country. Now how melancholic is that?

But who did I trust... ah... as I said to my boss when he asked me this...

"Let's just say, I'm a girl, that is Bugis, and born and raised in Jawa". So who do you think I voted for?

Offspring

2009-06-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

I get mad like dad

I have a great sense of humor like mum

I haggle like mum

I have mums hair

I sometimes don't think much when spending on quality items like dad

I don't fuss about spending for the unfortunate like dad

I'm as loud as mum sometimes

My skin is like dad

My arabic look (some say) is from mum

I think like dad

When I don't think as much, I'm like mum

I nag as much as my mum sometimes

I'm patient as dad

I travel like mum

I work like dad

I watch tv like dad

I prance around like mum

I shop like my dad

I gossip like mum

I go out from the bathroom after a a shower like mum

That's all I can think off...

I do love my mum and dad!

The Worst to date

2009-06-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

It's final. The worst drivers to date are those in Surabaya!!!

Currently...

2009-06-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

I'm currently on the road around Jawa. A so called road trip actually. Making a few stops in some of the cities that is on my "to do list". In any typical case, it would be an easy thing to do... but not with Puspita, the VW Combi that me and my friends bought last year. The thing is, it was an old cheap VW to start with. Only about 6 million rups. But we fixed it, and now we're showing her the island. And it's not very fast and there is no air con or sound system either than the engine so... it's a challenge itself.

The thing that I wanted to remind myself about this road trip or any I guess is not primary about what you're going to see or the destination, it really about the trip itself, what you really see about where you are, the small things you realize, for me it's really about knowing what this island is all about, and of course getting to know more about the people you travel with and the the people you meet on the road.

So no stories yet about the trip but... I can tell you right now, this country has never seize to amaze me. Every corner is amusing and even for my friend Sally, which has been here and there in Jawa, there is always something new around the corner.

But then again I'm easily amused.

In Lyrics I Communcate

2009-05-13T05:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a poem person. I don't really understand it much. The words can tangle too much, they mean too much, I just can't grasp it. But I can take them a sentance or two, one at a time... I take them as quotes.

But what I do know about are lyrics of songs. I understand them more than poems. For me, lyrics are tales and messages, which actually talk to its listeners. They tell stories, experience, premenition, fantasies, and feelings. I guess this is what a poems says but I guess me no spreken any poem. People think lyrics are just words, but if you listen carefully, some songs have the utmost genius feeling to it. And the music actually help the message come through. One of my favorites lately is "I Am A Walrus" from the Beatles. I'm still wondering what it means incorporating to what they have felt when making such a song, and of course getting high. No body can write lyrics like that sober, please! I think everyone should try to get high once in a while and try to create someting... but that's another entry...

But as a person that appreciate lyrics as the soul of a song unless you are a true instrument player, I also believe that great lyrics don't always come from master of music. The pop genre has also created so many confortable meaning to our common life. One of my fav, which song I happen to come across lately is Staccie Orrico song "More To Life".

More To Life

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

CHORUS:
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Trippin' out thinkin' there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... There's gotta be more

(Than wanting more)

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment I'm half-way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

CHORUS

I'm wanting more

I'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....

Language wise it's simple english, nothing fancy and speaks a common issue. I believe that there a lot of people feeling like this, trapped in a superficial life, the life race. And they don't really realize that they are trapped. It's songs like this that sometimes wake them up to their situation. And the genius thing about it is that it has a great pop jammin hook to it's song, so you can move to it but still realize something. I'm not feeling like this at the moment, I just thought I'd mention it since it's a great song. I had a moment like this one time in my past but I didn't wake up to this song.
Now, for the sake of pop, at the moment I'm a : "All I can do is read a book to stay awake, and it rips my world away but it's a great escape" -No Rain, Blind Melon.

I love to discuss lyrics of songs, so if you have something to discuss about, like I am a Walrus, and you understand what it means, PM me, and we'll talk.

ps: Sally once asked me, why do people write lyrics on their blog? While they can search it themselves online. I say, if there is a good point in something, let people have less effort so they have more effort listening to that point you have.

A typical entry... a broken heart

2009-05-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

I had a broken heart lately...

Thought I should make a note of it.

It's so hard being a girl and having a broken heart. It's so emotional, exhausting, and makes me nauseas. I wish I could make it more logical than emotional, but I can't... it's a girl thing.
Never been a guy so I wouldn't know what a guy thing is anyways. A girl thing is believing that there is a reason why things happen. It's also crying, reminiscing, sulking in bed for a few days, eating treats, and rambling what they feel on to friends.
I try to be logic, believe me! But sometimes there is an urgency of selfishness and logic becomes illogical. But life is driven by feelings anyways, if it was driven by logic there wouldn't be any uncertainty and chaos.

It's a classic case and I experience it in a classic way. I am a classical, probably conventional, girl. All the cliches are right, all the sayings are true... but one thing is interesting.

I've often hear people regret loving someone. Many love songs tell it so. They would rather never met the person that broke their heart than having thier heart shattered in the first place.

Now, this pain is awful and I so wish it would go away, but I have never regretted days I spent with the guy I was with. There was so many good memories and also bad but more good, and it filled my days with happiness and laughter and sorrow. And it made my life colorful. Why would I ever regret it to ever happen? Sure it's painful, but pain is part of life's game right?
Cases can range to just a simple heart broken like me, to cases of abused victims and fraud of wealth, so probably there are cases of regret when one is broken hearted. So would the case be... how heartless can someone be to break another heart so bad?

Do people that regret, never had happy moments? Or do they just forget and focus plus sulk in their misery? But if they never had any happy moments, how can they have a broken heart? Or could they merely had broken expectations?

Is a broken heart actually broken expectations? Is love a manifest of expectations and is never quite sincere? I still believe love is sincere with hope and not force of being love, and I don't categorize that as insincere, it's human.

But so be it, I guess people go through it once in their lifetime. I hope this is the only experience for me. Even if I do get my heart broken again in the future (knock on wood!), I hope I never regret the past of it.

Until the day I fall in love... :)

The Single Working Woman

2009-04-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking about the single working woman lately. For the moment, I think there are 2 kinds of working women in Indonesia.

The first is the ambitious working single women. They have goals in their lives; they know what they want, why they want it, how to get it, and they will pursue it. I actually think that women that don’t work but are focused in getting married, having a perfect wedding, and dedicate their life for the home they intend to build, is included in this category. They can be very ambitious too you know hehehe….
The second kind is the women that work because they have to fill in their time or they just have to make a living and stop asking for money from whoever that have been their financial supporters so far.
I’m more to the second kind. I work because I can’t ask for more money from my parents. They have been so kindly supporting me up to a quarter of a decade, and even to continue tertiary education. Now after that much, I can’t possibly ask for more money for myself. Not even ask money to pamper and beautify myself to find a guy.

People mistake that a lot of me. They think that I work because I have an ambition and forget to provide that slot in my life. The fact is, I’m not so ambitious, but I have a corridor that I’d like to keep. I want to get married. I have a plan to work at home to take care of my kids. I was brought up with my mom always around, and I think it’s important to know the steps of your children’s lives. And I haven’t found the guy I need and want to marry. Thus, I work to support me and my perks. I like to work in environment and everything to do with it, at the moment the offer is in mining which forces me to work in remote isolated places. It’s as simple as that.
Why not look for another job? I like my job now, and I can’t really find another job just because I want to find my soul mate. It’s a bit mis for my logic.

Now I know men have a different ego. But I think I can say that they can fall in to these two categories too.

And by the way, besides watching the tube, listening to music, hang out with friends, playing with the internet and all the primary activities, there’s nothing else to do. So, might as well work. What type are you?

Apparently...

2009-03-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

It's not about the much laughs I have with my friends... it was my love for the sea.
It's not about having more... it's about the fresh open air and jeans.
It wasn't because of new faces... it was about the familiar love.
It wasn't about a shiny new laptop... it was about pirated DVDs.
It wasn't about bitter sweet... it was about passing time.
It wasn't love at first impression... it was the comfort of strums and afternoon breeze.
It wasn't the dissimilarities of languange... it was the misperception.
It wasn't sad... it was disappointment.
It wasn't you... it was probably me.

(Having fun with the shrimp behind the rock)

Harden the Fuck Up!

2009-03-24T00:23:00.000-07:00

Pic: thedailyexplorer.wordpress.com

I saw a goat got slaughtered a few days ago in the back of the company kitchen. It was still twitching after the kitchen staff cut open it's throat. Mind you, the picture wasn't the goat I saw, stole it from somebody's page. But it looks close enough.

The day that goat was slaughter, me and my friends were just watching. It came to mind that not a lot people have the stomach to watch a slaughtering these days. Most of my friends can't, and they're guys even (not to be sexist but guys claim to have the 'balls').

The thing is, sometimes I can't stand it if someone can't seem to see slaughtering, but loves to eat meat. It's illogical for me. I can understand vegetarians, but spoiled brats that love steaks and burgers but gets sick with the thought of an animal dying is just... wrong. It's spoiled.

There is a point to be able to see an animal die.... cause that is how much your burger, steak, chicken wings, and fillet cost. A dying of a creature. Thus we should NEVER waste food! So harden the fuck up and see slaughtering and realize your food cost more then a few thousands of rupiahs or dollars.

The Changes Behind Them...

2009-03-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

It's funny seeing this picture. It's Piki and Indahs wedding. Good friends of mine that grew apart (from me) due to reality.... time and space. What's more real than that?

Besides them, are also my friends. Friends I knew back in college. Some already have kids, some have more cheeks, some look the same. In some sense... looking at them in this picture, seems like nothing has change, only the two are wearing wedding clothes ... but knowing where they are now, and knowing a glimpse about their live... we've definitely have changed. Maybe I have to change and make a Facebook account to see more of the pictures since Friendster is outdated already :P

Change is good. I'm looking for my next change...

-Thanks for the pictures Moek, it was a treat!-

By the way, congratulation Piki and Indah! I'm soooooo happy for you guys.

My Feet and Their Fav Buds

2009-02-25T04:38:00.000-08:00

When it comes to feet, I tend to be picky with shoes. Ok... fair enough, I'm picky with everything! But I cherish quality more then quantity, and there is nothing wrong with that people!!! Especially when it has to support your whole body all day. But back to the topic... I have had some interesting shoes lately, basically because I'm picky. And I'm not saying that I have great taste... but I do like my taste and my feet love the buddies I pick for them :D

These are my feet fav buddies so far. Why you ask?

Well I'm currently working at a mine and walking is like rice to the Indonesian dish. I do it so often on rocky terrains or in the woods. Since I'm darn city girl, I have the stamina of a princess. So sometimes, I've only walked have the distance and I'm already bathing in sweat! And once that exhaustion kicks in, then the feet ain't lifting.
I tend to drag em, and that is a bad idea in such areas. Now this is where my love of these boots come in... they have STEEL CAPS, so whenever I bump my feet in to a rock or tree root, (or in the office for that matter) I don't hurt my toes. I do it all the time. I'm known for it! I wish I could wear them at home every time I get in to a quarrel with my mom which usually ends with a sore toe. God does teach fast! Hehehehe...

The brown ones look great in the field and paired with denims and a colorful shirt. And even looks HOT when I roll my jeans up. They catch up the Doc Mart look.

The yellow ones? How could you not love gummies (gumboots)? They give a great cool sensation when dipped in water, with my feet in them of course. I heart playing in water with them. I become a true kid again. No wonder I never grew up! Hahahaha...
Did I mention their cute yellow with scotchlite on em? Wuf em Wuf em!

The flaws of these shoes? They are also the cause of my trips... they're darn heavy. Hehehe... can't win em all with limited budget. If they weren't so heavy, I'll wear the gummies on any rainy floody day in Jakarta. They're awsome!

...on that note ... out of all, I think my feet looks better barefoot. I have always thought that women walking barefoot ANYWHERE is sexy. It's as seem that the women is truly connected to mother earth when they are sole less and then their natural side come out. Forget the gummies, if the streets of Jakarta were clean and tidy, I'd barefoot once in a while. So I can feel sexy for myself and for my two adorable feet.

The Jason Mraz hype...

2009-02-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

There is this whole hype of Jason Mraz and his single "I'm Yours" lately. A few weeks ago, I've even heard it on a junior high school kid cellphone in a town at west Sumatera, a so-so remote area. Now keep your pants on cos I'm not goin to bash it up. I've declared to be a fan of this pop artis that is to play in a jazz gig in Jakarta soon. (Sorry, I consider him pop even though I truely believe he can jam)

My entry here is spesifically to talk about my fav song on this album, "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things". I know that pop culture forces the listeners towards the single that is promoted, and there is a slight chance that the listners, especially those in Indonesia wouldn't even apreciate the whole album. But Jason Mraz is worth the listen. My fav single is "Love for a Child". For the sake of apreciation, here are the lyrics (I've bolded the parts I think are the strong parts):

"Love For A Child"

There's a picture on my kitchen wall
Looks like Jesus and his friends involved
There's a party getting started in the yard
There's a couple getting steamy in the car parked in the drive
Was I too young to see this with my eyes?

By the pool last night, apparently
The chemicals weren't mixed properly
You hit your head and then forgot your name
And then you woke up at the bottom by the drain
And now your altitude and memory's a shame

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored
I like to believe it was all about love for a child

And when the house was left in shambles
Who was there to handle all the broken bits of glass
Was it mom who put my dad out on his ass or the other way around
Well I'm far too old to care about that now

It's kinda nice to work the floor since the divorce
I've been enjoying both my Christmases and my birthday cakes
And taking drugs and making love at far too young an age
And they never check to see my grades
What a fool I'd be to start complaining now

It was all about love...

Why love it? It's a story about a normal kid, that I imagine lives in the states. It's a typical cases of growing up. But I love how he pleeds for a little bit of innocence. For me, it's a sign that our community less treasure innocence and building hapiness. Don't get me wrong, I still think we do, but most of us have step in to a more instant view. But let's not talk about that. Not to mention that he has already grown up and he still feels a bit empty about it. But too late to complain now.
Now I don't know if this is actually his life experience, but I have to raise a glass for his story telling. No complicated words like the other songs, just a blunt story.
I also love the balad tone of it, and how its music is quite dynamic. As somebody that usually sings in the shower or just sing with a pitch control problem, I enjoy singing it sooo much. I enjoy singing it from the heart. I feel it a little bit becaues I can only assume that it's a story of many middle class Indonesian kids that never understand the love westerners show to their children. Many of us were never even hugged or kiss before the childern inisiated, or even when we grew up already. So I heart this song.

Another thing that I discovered is turns out that I'm a sucker for guys in a plain body fit T-shirt, jeans, sneakers, can sing and play the guitar with a lotta soul. It really doesn't take much to take my heart :)

Note to self:
I'm listening to Jason Mraz right now because I need to. He has a feel good music that is very positive. The energy that I need at the moment. To live high, live mighty, live righteously (Live High). JM has helped me a bit in this lag of my life.

And the angels would be sing alalala.. alalala... alalalala love this *raising hands in the air and jumping up and down like an idiot :P*

New years resolution

2009-01-07T18:23:00.000-08:00

My new new years resolution is... Not to have a new years resolution. I've always thought that new years is just yesterday becoming today, or today becoming tomorrow so... and I don't know what a resolution is.

I did have a new years resolution. Not to have expectations. But I think since I said it as a resolution, I tend to build it up and think about it and hence having bigger expectations to everything. So I changed it today.

I've always had one anyways which never mattered in the end.

So this year... no resolutions. Just daydreams and wantings.

And I'm very happy with my resolution :)

Happy 2009 everyone!

Twas the first blast

2008-12-14T04:00:00.000-08:00

The title meant literally. On Saturday, 13th of December 2008, I had the effort of climbing a rugged hill just to get to a great view, in seeing... my first blast (shed a tear :) )! We almost missed on taking photos but we were prepared and that is sometimes good :P. In some sense it made many markings in my life.

It's a marking of:
- I get to see somthing blow up without a metal frame arounding, meaning a TV frame.
- Geez I have a lot of work starting from now, it's finally a working mine
- This probably means I'm an environmentalist on a mine for the day. Discussing processing stuff while waiting for the blast. Tomorrow could be usual. Not necessary an evnironmentalist, but just a worker somewhere out here.
- Seems like I'm still fit enough to climb this hill, although panting desperatly for more air in lungs
- I still have my stupid gut feeling to participate this ridiculous idea to climb up a steep hill and just take a great picture while getting my back burned. Not to mention great company! An silly bule. No regrets for sure!

Bt the way, that is something else I've learned while discussing things with Daniel, my company at the moment.
I like to follow ridiculous plans. It's intregiung. If it's a little absurd: I'm all for it! Too absurd: no thanks. Not absurd: I'll do it anyways with such low effort. Not absurd ideas tend to be less fun.

Back to the blast... Am I proud of it...? A part yes, I get to see such an enourmous effort that humans have been able to come accross. And believe me, not all people can see such an incident as one might say. It's a small event, but a blast is a BLAST.
The other part, it's not such a big deal. While in once place something is blown up, somebody probably is getting a nobel prize, while another is getting free meal ticket. You know what I mean?

Twas twas... looking forward to my next twas....

Were we ever prepared... to all those remoted...

2008-12-12T00:02:00.000-08:00

Being in a developing county is sooo interesting. You see so many things change or even stay the same. There is sooo many problems that you can't even ignore and it keeps your mind open and working... at least to just complain.
I happen to say this because I found an interesting phenomenon latetly. the major resource industries are very interesting. Especially if you are working for oil, gas, and metals. Everything is built up to very high standars. I was just talking to a very good looking paramedic today from SOS International, and he we were just talking about emails. He was also complaining on how quite today was, not much people was wondering around. Tis Friday at noon, so probably they're praying or taking naps since it's a longer break I say, while checking out his goatee.And then we parted.

It came to mind that he isn't very use to a quite life, and so do most of the people working in a mining area. Mining are usually located in remote areas. You'll be lucky if there is a lively village around that you can visit. But in our example, we are just we. Now, the people in mining usually come from cities with the fortune of going to schools. So the loud busy lifestyle is what they are accustomed to. Yet, they have to work in the quite scene. Of course they teach you all the theoretical stuff in school, but did they ever teach the lifestyle to them. Were they ever warned about the life in the jungle, in the remote island, in the middle of the ocean?

I know they were taught about the manly-hood of it all. But I know that is definitely a third layer of necessities.
For the biology major like me, we are taught through field excursions, but we never actually was prepared for living in the wild. I personally think. Camping out hell yeah, we were taught that... and that was even rawly tought by my seniors and NOT by my lecturers, and I had the sense to join in the student unit. Maybe because my school in specific was in the middle of the city anyways. Maybe it would be different for the universities in the outskirts of the city. They do have a better field records then we did. But were we city kids prepared for such a quite situation?
I know for sure, some kids that grew up the the way smaller cities (which means all city except the capital of province) can bare more than the pure city kids. I've seen some examples. But shouldn't there be some kind of precaution principle to let them know what they will face... not just business tricks up their sleves?
I ask this because I clearly can not stand people complaining about remote areas while they now this was a risk to start with. Benefits are what you bosses promise you, and not a default...

My point is, there should some hint to what we are dealing with. I probably am out of my core here, but hey I know everyone else was never prepared for this kind of work. A lot of my friends in other site are bored to death dealing with more then 3 weeks of work in the natural field. We all say that we would love to work in a natural environment, far from polution and noise, but who knew you couldbn't bare to be far from friends, family, internet, cellphones, and Kentuky Fried Chicken? Everyone has their perks, and you won't know it untill your stranded.

There's this... and there's that...

2008-12-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

I just read a blog of a friend. Well I don't know her that well but she had accomplished something big in the past few months. So I thought I browse her out and I found her blog.
She is an extraordinary girl I have to say. She did a lot of things and she accomplished much compared to many of us. But as I read through her blog, I can't help but not being so interested in her personality. I should, shouldn't I? I should be inspired and want to know more of this figure better. But I don't. I don't find her interesting. She's extraordinary but less interesting. Does that make any sense?
I had a small chat with siskha yesteday and we spoke of how we miss meeting passionate and interesting people. I have to narrow it down because there are a lot of passionate people that aren't very interesting to me.
So I thought about who am I really interested in? I'm interested with the uninteresting, turns out. The freaks and ghouls as Smashing Pumkins would say. I'm not interested with people that make 2 million dollars a month. I'm interested with people that eat spiders for fun. Well maybe to those that make 2 million dollars a month and eat spiders for fun. The wierd and unexplainable. The ones that make your face change it's expression. From a squint to a smile or a frown or even disgust. They are the interesting people for me.
I don't have to like everyone right? Just as not everyone likes me. But I am trying to accept everyone as they are.
One of my work collegues is so harmless and yet I don't like him. He tries too hard to blend in and some how that is just a turn off in any senses. And althought I feel guitly neglecting him, I feel better because I don't torture my self. I avoid him.
So I'm realizing that I have to admit this, that not all people are interesting, and even the interesing has their uninsteresting days... the world goes on, and so... as the cafe I went to one night would say. Oh that's life.

By the way, That's Life cafe is a small new cafe I went to last night. It's on Gunawarman road, from Sudirman, take a left at the KFC on the juction. It's on the left.
Coffee - average. Ice Caramel coffee is not bad. Cappucino: froth to light, and too milky.
Ambience - slick urban but humble by wood funiture. Doens't really describe the phrase 'that's life'. Well depends, what kind of life you have. My life definitely isn't represented in this cafe. Like the lighting though.
My idea of that's life is when everything is so complicated, disordered... that you just accept. I wonder if I can make that kind of coffee shop?

2008-11-14T02:47:00.001-08:00

When there is so many options today, especially to those that can access it, why can't we find a suitable place in the end?

When you have a problem, you seek for an answer or at least, comfort. Talking and taking time to tell the story is as hard as it is, not to mention the considerations behind it. But when my fingers would like to talk, looking for another possibility of comfort, it's not possible even the world wide web can't help. How come, such an extended world can not even help the simplest problems.

Think about it, we've learned so much and can learn so much more, yet history repeats itself.

And when I know that it's so hard to upload an entry, why do I keep on trying?

why???

2008-10-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

Why does Monday, come before Tuesday
Why do summer start in June
Why do winters come too soon
Why do people fall in love
When they're always breaking up,
oh why Why do we love if love will die

Why - Michael Jackson featuring T3

Why did I have to ask?

The remedy of stress no 1.

2008-09-21T03:28:00.000-07:00

I often think that people only go on vacations because they hate their jobs and they really wanna get away from it all...

I proved myself wrong today. And I have to agree with Vira. There is nothing wrong on spending money for vacations. Especially if you work under stressful conditions.

Vacations recharge you.

I happen to be working on a beautiful remote island with many luxuries to enjoy. Typical mining luxuries but not the jetset stuff. We don't have dairy milk every moring with cereal of course. I happen to be sitting more in the office the past week and didn't have to exhaust myself through the dry and hot air of this island. But does all that make me happy? Not really... I say so because...

Today, I went swimming with some of my new friends from within and outside of the island. It was a lovely combination. 2 girls, 5 boys, which consist of 1 local girl and 1 local boy, a metalurgist, the paramedic, geologist, a welder, and myself the lazy environmentalist :P.

The water is crystal on every part except the front of our camp which is murky by sand. We went to beach with more friendly waves. And we swam, we borrowed 2 canoes from a nomaden villager, and had HEAPS of laugh because everyone kept on sinking. It's a small traditional canoe. The most funny one was the medic because he was a bit chubby. He always sank. And the best part was 4 out of 7 had loud laughs. Spontaneous laughter is so good because it's so sincere. So it was so much fun.

Coming back and after the shower... I realized I was recharged. I can do ANYTHING the day throws me tomorrow. I'm ready. And I realize, vacation really does the trick especially if you're with good company... till my next vacation...

Other Boleyn Girl

2008-09-19T22:28:00.000-07:00

I happen to be very intrigued by this movie that was sitting on the shelve of my housemate... Mama Mia. For lame reasons such as Natalie Portman, side by side with Scarlett not to mention Eric Bana (who was actually hotter then Brad Pitt in Troy) and historical settings, made me grab this movie and watch it in the middle of the night.

I liked it for 3 reason:

-it is based on a historical event. About the love affair of King Henry the VIII. It was based on a novel to start with but using data of history.

- its complexity about sisterhood, love and ambition. The story plot is great. How far can you go for power? Naive me would say, not far. But life is more complex and simple than that. If you were a peasant girl in the village all your life and suddenly had the chance to be the queen?? How far is far? And the plot goes on and on until the last part of the movie.
In addition, I adore Natalie's acting. Her fear seems real and she is amongst the very few that is believe to me. But it's not more than that. It's all the usual for every actor.

- last and definitely not least is Eric Bana. Again, this guy is hot!!! He is the kind of caucassian I like :P. The way his character longs for Anna (Natalie)... before... other things (no spoilers) is so yummy. I wanna be in Anna's position before ... he is very much (as Marie (Scarlett) woul put it) "tender"...
To add to this, I wondered if King Henry VIII was ever as good looking as Eric Bana was. I mean... he did have 7 wives in his periode, not to mention all the mistresses. So I googled... and... well you can see for yourself.

In the end, I definitely recomend you to watch this movie. Story wise, the plot is much exciting. Weight, not as heavy to taken too seriously because... basically the cast is hollywood beautiful. Now how can you take that seriously?

Joining the party

2008-09-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

... 47 seconds

Blog lama....

2008-09-18T01:24:00.000-07:00

This is an old blog... hmm... I use to think like that???

http://www.mumunlagih.blogspot.com/

The best line

2008-09-17T02:35:00.000-07:00

Working in Wetar sure has many ups to it, especially for me that likes the sea, nature and going out in the field once in a while. The downs is the forever trip that takes about 30 hours in total. But since I am an Indonesian individual, I can always make an 'up side' to everthing, even for the 30 hour trip.

To get to and from Wetar, I have to travel with a wooden boat for about 16 hours or less. Now how do I enjoy such a ride, especially if it passes a straight and is exposed to open waters with high waves for about 5 hours??? By discovering new beauty...If I happen to travel through an afternoon, I usually spend it lying on the deck and listening to music. Entering the sunset phase which to till now is always ALWAYS perfect I realized that the best line and the most perfect line is the horizon. And not any horizon, but the ocean one.

Nothing beats it! And you can't find any flaw just by looking at it. Even though we know its not even a clear line, it's still a great line to see. So exact and precis. And so very sharp. You can even ejoy it from a plan ride if you happen to cross an ocean. Yet it is basically optical illusion. Man, the Al Mighty is dang good.

The picture is actually a horizontal line from the beach out front from my camp complex. There is never a wrong in the ocean horizon. I guess it's another reason the stare at the sea.

Wait... Did you think that I was gonna talk about a pick up line???? Ck ck ck you people...

The government is wierd

2008-07-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

Oh come on! This is just wierd.
There are two sets of regulations on drinking water limits. PP Lingkungan Hidup no 82 year 2001 for class 1 water and Per Men Kesehetan no 416 year 1990. Both sets are on drinking water, AND BOTH ARE DIFFERENT!
Give me a break government! Are you or are you not protecting our drinking water? (rhetorical I know!)

The bigger baby

2008-07-22T02:53:00.000-07:00

I've never had the luxury of wearing a diaper when I was a baby. It wasn't popular back then, nor cheap. So my Mom had the priveledge of cleaning after me till I learned how (can't really remember when that was). She said that if she did have the resources, she would definitely use the diaper. It was sooooo hard just to clean up. She once left me alone to poop, she said one day the poop ended in my mouth... out of curiosity I guess... bleh!

But I guess I'm still the lucky one (that has to pay to the environment) because I still have the chance to. I wear diapers now. All the ladies out there... holler!

I wear pads when I get my period of course. I can't use a tampon. The idea tickles me much. But the hazard of wearing a pad is that it is prone to leak. Hence, stains that are hard to wash out. I especially dispise my periode when I'm travelling because I have to be extra careful in protecting my clothes.
When there's a lot, there is A LOT! And I'm on alert, but how can you be when you're asleep. So to prevent any 'markings' I use the SUPER HUGE LAURIER NIGHT that covers your whole ass. It's a pain to put on, but it's so worth the peace of sleeping. I'm less aware. But I seriously feel like a big baby. So this is what diapers feels like. But then I thought, what was lost without them?

My mom definitely loves me, but I can't really tell if she loves me more or less because she had to clean after me. She could love me more because of the bond and effort to raise me without the diaper, but she could love me less because she could hate it so much. And so I though about all the new moms now that more or less can afford this un-environmental freindly device. Many are my friends. What are they missing by using a diaper? The story about their kid eating poop?

And what are the effects it brings to their kids? Would they love their mom more if there wasn't any diaper? Understanding the love and attention and EFFORT they put in to raise us?
I don't know?

But how ironic life puts girls at. If guys are to be born to wear one and probably end up with one, girls are born, grew and end with one. Well guys probably have to deal with accompanying their girlfriends or wifes or daughters to buy them, and there is always the accidental findings, upss... Does that actually define anything at all? Are we big babies? We cry more, but that doesn't mean a thing. In the environmental world, it be assured that girls are less friendly then guys.
Hmmm... how interesting a device can be. Many would think its all about baby years but as a matter a fact it's a life time experience. What do you know?!

Again singing Grunge

2008-06-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

I think I have grown up is some ways. And so has some of the people in Jakarta. I'm refereing to those blokes that use to be music suckers in high school who thought the relationships with the opposite sex was a bit overrated and all that matters is
making a band that really says what's in your head and heart... and also rebeling!

This blabbering session is mainly insipred to my visit to a grunge venue I went to on one particular Sunday night.
It was called Grunge Gods from the sequence of Roockapalooza. Thank God there are people that still really like the old music for it's essence. I went there with Vira and Tari. Vira happened to grew up and really like the grunge era, I grew up in it and have a few vocabulary to it. I do happen to really really like this era, the songs has more meaning and memory for me then the other era... well... it's equal to the 80s maybe :P. Tari had to get the Grunge 101 that night.

The place: D'place. Kinda cute name for a place right? It was a small bar, the stage was behind the bar, way up about a meter high. A bit too small for those that perform and to enjoy music. The venue was filled with people that loved grunge. Some people had the time to get out their flannels to top their black shirt. Ahhhh yes... how I loved the grunge era. Nirvana, STP, Pearl Jam are your usual band line up amongst the bands. And more additional groups.

What was actually interesting about this night was how we've already grown up. I tried to picture these people in those adolesent years. Probably still in uniforms or to the least, in college. That night wasn't so different. There was only a thin line between those settled and not. I can see many of these people are unsettled and probably working in the entertainment business but I can see most of them having the obligation of going to the office the next day. This is the generation that once rebeled to the system of fake images and absurd capitalism. And yet now we are living it.

We all can afford that 60000 rupiahs to get in to a gig now. Probably so easily. We can afford that additional beer when we are inside. And most of us are settled and coming back to our suburban house, to our children, and heading to the office with our credited vehicles. A friend said that these people probably are those that couldn't enjoy live grunge in their teenage years, and yet they are fans. Basically they aren't the true grungies, but love the music. And a true grungie person will not attend such gigs because there is no point either than nostalgic. I can't entirely agree with him, but he has a point. It applies to me too. I never had the resources to be in such gigs, and now I do. And yes, it was reminising, but what harm can it do either than reminding us of what we use to believe in and maybe still do?

Well for me, a job already states that I'm settled in someway. But basically, we are no longer the hot fire that once burned. I have to believe some of us are, but how much of us has an alternative life compared to others? In the end, has grunge really have an effect to the generation that once exist? We could actually observe the results today. What has it done to us? Is growing up meaning facing reality? And if we don't have that spirit have we succumbe to reality thus grown up?

Singing along to the songs of rebel, I can only hope that we are all still mad, we are still questioning about our world today, and we are still grungy. The spirit truely counts.

As for me, I'm still with my glasses, my sneakers and my braces... in some ways I still felt like I was in Junior high.

Why move?

2008-06-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

According to the title of my blog, tis because at the moment, only my fingers that can do the talking. Stealing time from working in front of my computer while seamingly working is the only way I can blog.
Again.. why blog? No necessary reason, just expression, and maybe a reminder in the future. And since I can't connect to my friendster because my office server sucks, then I decided to move to blog.

So... let's blog.

And FYI, Pokka can coffee is awful. So not worth my 7000.