I stopped running for a night...

I watched 'The Runaways' a few nights ago. I felt like staying in for the night since I was quite fatigued uploading indohoy. So I watched The Runaways...

Needless to say... I loved it. And I recommend you to watch it. It's a classic tale of a rock band to the end. Well except for Joan Jett that rocks on \m/.

The original Runaways

One of my favorite character was Kim Fowley. Kim knew how to make a rock and roll band. He knew how to evoke the spirit of such raging little bitches.  He knew what to say and everything he said about rock and roll and the male dominated industry was true. He said the truth. He knew how to rock! \m/ I didn't really like the movie version so much as imagining how the live person would be.

But what I felt after watching the movie is my point. I cried. I cried on the 2nd of July 2010, 5 days before my birthday becoming 30. I cried in bed, in my pillow so that the guy in the next room couldn't hear me sobbing. I weeped my eyes out. I cried because I was tired.

Joan Jett had a strong spirit. She had a empowering spirit for all aged women and she kept on going. Sure she probably was a bisexual, but a spirit to spread emancipation all the time is still a spirit to be praised for. A spirit that I wanted to have, and that night, a spirit that I let go off...

I was tired being such a tough girl. I was tired being one of the boys. I was tired of protecting myself of male danger. I questioned why I ever did so? And I question if I will ever continue to do so? Why should I? Empowering women? So guys see me as equal? What is the fucking point? It got me nowhere, and I didn't know if it will get me anywhere else. I was a bit damaged in the past, but I know I can't dwell on this forever. What is my point all this time?

I couldn't answer my question. And I cried harder. I was just exhausted to contradict every male trait and comment passed at me and all women kind. Most women probably wouldn't care if I did anyways.

And untill now, I still can't answer my own questions.

I praise Joan Jett and all her fellow emancipator for doing what she does and having the strength to keep on doing it. For maybe I can not :)