I Can Only Control My Screenless Ipod

I have come to the part of my life where everything is out of control.

It all started from when I wanted to attend a very good friends wedding. There is only a slim, as slim as paper, chance that I can make it now. There's a storm in the area. And I can't book my own boat to sail out for the sake of this occasion for whatever price it may be. The people that usually would risk lives wouldn't even go and they too have already surrendered to what nature wants.

 

Jodoh, or soul mate, or THE ONE, is still missing. Although people say I don't try. I do. I dress up, I meet new people, I try to be charming. It's not working. After seeing so many chick flicks on my Sylvia screen, I've come to a point that I give up. And I really can't force myself to somebody. I just can't, and you can see it instantly in my gesture if I'm not interested. I don't know how to force anyone to be my guy. Even if I do, eventually I'm sure he wouldn't like my white lie or me for that matter.

I've been paying a mortgage of a small flat in Jakarta. My very first huge investment. It's finished and now it's under a bit of decoration. All which I didn't decide upon. My parents did. Since they're helping me on the payment terms, it's going to be our family house in Jakarta. So what they say on the decor is final. My dad even got mad at me just because I wanted to change one of my walls in to plain dark gray and not with patterns. Even I can't control the inside of my own house.

I had a stressful day yesterday. Literally... eh I mean physically. My body showed symptoms of a stressed person. My acid levels were high, my lower chest was burning, I had diarrhea, and the fever, all in a day. I knew it was stress and not some illness because I knew I had something in mind. My friends wedding, and how this company sucks at the moment, no taking care of me, it’s employee. I surely didn’t think about it too much since I’ve learned how to accept the circumstances of Wetar. However, my body is trying to tell the truth. I can’t control my body.

So basically I have no control of the essentials of my life at the moment. Usually the case would be that I won’t take control of my life because I don’t want to and I’ll let things flow. But just when I wanted … I couldn’t. Ain’t life a big Srimulat stage? Slapstickly funny!