Sunday, December 20, 2009

I need fogiveness

I can't think anymore today since about 3 o'clock.

I truly realized now that I am working in a serious business. I've learned the magnitude of my job and the risks involving the mining environment.

It' slapped me in the face this afternoon, but it just started to burned now.

I risked someones life today and I shouldn't take things so lightly.

And I will always have a restless heart until I apologize personally to him.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Interrogated and psychologically tested

I just had another job interview a few weeks back. It was a strange experience I tell you. I actually declined the job at first, thinking I still owe a project to the company I'm currently working with. But my ex boss who offered said that I will always owe something to the company I'm working with. True! So, I submitted my resume, thinking there are a lot more candidates qualified for the job. None the less, I got called in to do an interview.

Usually I prepare myself as charming as possible when attending an interview, not to mention all dressed up and stuff. But this time, I really didn't have the urge to. I wore something that I usually would wear to work, and trust me it's not you everyday work ensemble. I didn't want to nail the job as much as I want it if it were mine. You know what I mean right?

So there I was, pinning up my bag since it broke when I tried to get there. At the point where my bag broke, I lost all ego and let my hair down. I goofed off with the tukang ojeg, I kid around with the door guard, had philosophical talks with a warung owner, but still didn't like the office receptionists. I entered the so called fancy green simplicity decor office and felt intimidated. I became nervous realizing that I was going to meet corporate people which I usually do not like their judgement and tend to be stiff. I'm so use to small companies and small families that are made within them. I was alarmed by the possibility of facing a rejection that can hurt my ego for the next few days.

I sat there filling an application form as any fresh graduate would do. I thought... WTH??? When can I be signed without all this mumbo jumbo? It ached more when I realized that I had to sit there and wait another 30 minutes. Feeling that all of this is a bunch of crap, I lost respect for the company. I thought, who needs who here? I'm not lookin for a job, but they're looking for an officer. So I gained back confidence and didn't care everytime the receptionist girl glanced my way with a sneer... hehehehe yes I'm exaggerating. But I'm no conflict seeker, so I sat there and waited, curious how long my wait will be. Surprisingly, my confidence dropped again seeing there were 3 people interviewing me. I felt ambushed.

They put me on the stand and started to ask me questions. I answered them as neccesary as possible, not as charming as I usually try to. Intimidated again, reminded that interviews are sometimes like interrogations. After being asked a few questions, I found their slot. Two of these men were field workers and no matter what they will always hate the boring predictable un-confident answers. So I loosen up, becoming me that works in the field. Again, this was easy considering I was half hearted to take the job anyways, I had nothing to loose. And from this point on, everything was OK. I didn't feel like they were any superior, just people, and we had a few laughs.

After that I didn't really care what happen next, may I be called back or not. But I tell you, an interview this far in the business feels strange even though I have such minimum experience... or maybe is it, an interview in this age feels strange??? Whatever it was, it was wierd because I felt so superior in my own compan
y, I thought I knew it all! When in fact I knew shit outside of the company. It must be even stranger for guys that have more experience to still be interviewed.

I long for the day I will be hired without an interview. Where I will be so good at what I do, people would be line to hijack me. Wait... there's a call... I have to do a psychological test? &^**&&^%$$#%#$%

I started to fill in the test the way they wanted me to fill it. These tests have a formula, and we all know it right? But by the 3rd question I gave up. It was too hard to keep up what they wanted so I filled it carelessly.

I felt psychologically violated in this test. I was asked whom I was and what I prefer. I hated the moral test. It's such a dilema. The most hated question was... "chose one: suck up to the boss, or be weak only be accepted with you collegues". This question came up about 5 times and I swear it gave me the hardest time evertime I came across it. First shot I tried to answered (again) according to HRD demands, but once I found the question the next time, I suddenly took it seriously and started to compare my boss and my peers... guess what I answered?!

I finally realized that I wasn't happy with this question and wished there was a third option. Life can not be categorized as a psychological test where answers are not as sharp as a cookie cutter, although problems are as cut throat as it is. I loved all the math and drawing questions. But don't give me the moral test, I don't have the heart.

I felt that flunk by the time I finished the test. I realize that I have changed in the past years work wise, and I have passed the test and interview differently as I would a few years back. So did I get the job or n
ot? We would have to see... I haven't had a call back yet. But if not, I'm good, for I finished this entry in the hills of Wetar Island, while downloading from the weather station, amongst the sounds of birds singing, the drilling gear, and the mist of humid soil after a light rain. Not to mention feeling superior in this small company.

21 Dec 2009:

I've had some things come on to mind and ... some things happening ever since I blogged this (which isn't that long a go)... I've changed my mind. Maybe I want that job offer :P