Wednesday, December 22, 2010

When the best things in live aren't free...

They say the best things in life are free. Most of the time, it’s true. Things that you can’t value with money are usually the things that fulfill your life. Happiness, love, joy, experience, and even knowledge is priceless when it really teaches you some thing (Do note I didn’t say education).
And anyways, how could you debate a great thing that doesn’t come with a price? Hello??? Freebies…
But when the free stuffs are out, the cheap come second best. Items that you pay less but have priceless value, can exceed any item that is expensive but has ultimate function. This time, I realized, my Ando white sandals are my cheap best thing. It’s been with me a while and it still is till today, where I had to walk the rocky mountain of Lerokis. I realize that it has been with me through so many other hardship.
The tar was from climbing from an LCT to the wooden boat getting to Wetar. And I was so grateful I was wearing these sandals because if I had worn good shoes, they’ll be damaged for sure. The concave are is wear I put my weight in while walking. It’s been like this ever since I started jogging, a change to the usually worn out heel area. They I’ve had them for… hmmm… 4 months at least. And they haven’t let me down yet.
I’ve had other things that are damn cheap but I love so dearly: my torn t-shirts which everybody is bound to have but not all would admit to, my old cotton underwear I keep which I swear I use only under emergency situations, and my pride… which is relatively cheap but the best thing in my life :P
So this entry is the celebration of the pay-less world, an underground world for those that seriously know the great value of a cheap item. Let it be known, that China made items rule!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Learning from the Boys

I've been thinking about guys and girls lately when it comes to relationships. It's nothing new... just enhanced in my mind I guess.

I've been wronged by a guy before. And I'm sure I'm not alone on this. You could see that through my small single or still unmarried clique of girlfriends. I’m not saying that we’re broken angels, we probably did some wrong doing too, but the fact that we aren’t hooked yet might be an indication that we could also be the victims too.
Hanging out with the boys definitely balances my perspective. I’ve been in the mining business for some time and have mingled with boys most of my life, causing me to crossed over to see the other side of things. When it comes to relationships, there is no doubt that men take things lightly. I’m not saying all men are like that, but on this side of the story, most are. No matter how angelic they are at home. If you don’t get caught then they'll underestimate what they have with their spouse. They like new and shiny things. If something is blinking, let say a cute little shawty that just entered the circle, believe me, they would want to have it.
But, it’s balanced. It’s not rare that I’ve heard a guy being wronged by a girl. And harsh! I know guys often feel aggravated, hanging on a thread waiting for a response from his adored one, but girls have it the same. I’m talking on a whole different league. We’re talking about men, left by their wives for other men and could be various, and having it as a public secret. It is men with their paychecks robed, stripped down broke for the sake of shopping while the partners don’t take care of the house, or kids or the women just ran away with it without guilt. It is men separated from their children. I’ve seen it. Women having the time of their lives, walking on air because they know they can sell sex and can get away with anything with their beauty and whisper pleasure. It’s with cases like these I cross over and say, women too are no doubt devils.
I didn’t quite understand why sometimes I’m so bothered when women say men are such pigs.Women insult and put them down in various conversation. Now I know.  Turns out, deep down I knew differently.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Television is Not All Bad

I felt like blogging today. I felt like blogging yesterday. And I felt blogging a month ago. But I never did... until today... when I felt like blogging.

I had a lot on my mind that needed said but... I just didn't have that extra umph to write it down. It's like picking out a cool dress or shoes but it just lacks that 'to buy or regret buying it for a long time' factor. But I had that umph today.

I love to do nothing. And in between I love to watch TV. I don't know why people resent TV so much when you can learn so much and get inspired. I watched 2 things today that lifted my ass to at least blog.

'So You Think You Can Dance'. I'm not sure what season it was. Cat Deely had short hair. Does that help? Anyways... I caught the last dance. It was a couples dance, with Wade Robinson choreographing. I tip my hat after my standing ovation after watching this routine. Wade made a routine with the theme of thieves in Paris and using Jazz dance style. It was so close to original being they were really like thieves and the whole routine tells about their mission to steal some jewels. It was really entertaining and beautiful at the same time. Every move was about stealing and sneaking and jazz dance. And not to forget, the music was so cool! It was flawless. And the dancers executed well. Technically and expression wise. I had goose bumps all over myself. I'm sure there are a lot more inspiring routines but I just got hooked on this one. And what really enlightens me about this routine is that it used something that is uncommon. Salsa, Tango, Ballroom, etc dances are commonly modified but this is a stroy modified in to a dance... I'm just having such a hard time explaining what I mean here. Huff...
Something worth sharing... and I don't kow how to embed things yet so:

The other thing I watched was NatGeo Adventure channel. I flipped to it accidentally this time. It was showing Video Travel: Ethiopia. It's typical NatGeo Adv show with this couple traveling and having a video blog. The couple was traveling to Lilabela or something like it. They were going through this church that was carved downwards in to a rock. It was an amazing structure and I really want to see it! They only had pocket camera making feel the sufficiency of the Canon D10 that I have to a world class travel. It really is about the man behind the gun. Skill, instincts and feeling are almost every thing!

They did the traveling and had each other as good company making the whole episode an alluring adventure. I'm sure if anyone went there with a narrow mind, would think it was a boring place, just another ruin. But what they saw, what they felt, what pictures they took of was far from what I consider boring. I was inspired.

I was doing a bit of work at the time, but I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. They wrote everything they were thinking and they were great with words. It reminded me why I wanted to travel, what I wanted to experience and why I still should do it. It also inspired me to write everything on the road may be on a piece of tissue and such. I should have done it since when ever but it's never too late, since I plan to do more traveling khihihihi...

So I was inspired by television today. And I think I should have a radio show :)

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Geek in Anyone

I think people should be careful when it comes to geeks. They are sometimes dangerous people. They are stubborn, persistent, knowledgeable people that can use their knowledge at unexpected time. Sure sometimes they appear to be born losers, but that’s just the external part of things. Think about it, all of our science, technologies, and civilization was created by geeks. You might think some geeks are way cool than the nerds that you usually meet, but those that have invented anything are those that had a time of their lives when they didn’t bath nor brush their teeth for the sake of invention! Yes… even Zuckerman that made Facebook!
I’ve just fallen in love with The Big Bang Theory. I love the geek gang that talk like primitive aliens (being too smart for this generation, but to dumb for future intelligence), have unique hobbies, and never leave the house unless it’s for comic book stores symposiums that are similarly primitive to them. They are hilarious! And they have a great cast! Even the ditsy Penny is believable. And while some think it’s easy to play a natural blonde, it’s actually really hard. Who would ever think that Reese Witherspoon could be a believable character after she played in ‘Walk the Line’?
Anyways… back to the dangers of a geek. I am a bird geek. Not to most, but am to common sense. Yes, I know what a Ficedula is, and how cute the genus Herpactes is. I like bush birds cause they’re so small and cute and sometimes just roam slightly above the ground. Funny little buggers. So how can any geeks be dangerous? Well imagine this, twitchers or super bird geeks that travel all around the world just to see birds have to go to forests and unchartered territory to see what they have to see. Once they see something twitch in the woods, they don’t run… they go after it for the possibility of the bird their looking for! They can easily leave you just because they need to see that 5 cm bird in the tropical forest. At night, if their looking for an owl, once the leaves sounds spontaneous moves, they go after it while others would run and scream ‘ghost’!
And you think divers are not? Think again my fellow divers! Divers are big geeks. They put on gear and dive in to the water for the sake of seeing cute sea creatures. They travel to dive sites just to see the unseen to common mass. The have to know what they saw and they look it up in their encyclopedia. 
Music and movie lovers are not far different. They can name many musicians, recall the history of band, chase a gig for the sake of it, and dwell in lyrics and music arrangements because they think it’s necessary. 

The sequence of finding a bird while birdwatching
After long contemplation, I realize that I’m much of a geek. I like long explanations of things, I like the word ‘why’ and I like finding answers. I don’t like short uninteresting answers and I like to know what I see and know what knowledge I’ve gained. Am I dangerous? Maybe. In the sense you might me caught up in my blabbering because you brought something up. I could constantly persuade to you to my theory thinking that it is right. I would ignore a friend for the sake of reading a blog for research. I have a facebook account, and my social life online is currently as important to my real life. Not to mention, if there is a scatter of leaves, I’d take you with me in to the forest and get lost just to see a bird. Now do I really sound dangerous?

PS: So who isn’t a geek? Someone that does not drown in a certain interest of knowledge or work. A person that merely passes life as life, not knowing that there is more to it. But that’s my humble opinion anyways.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

... something borrowed something blue...

I went swiming a few days ago with the Playgroup. Hmm... usually after a swim, I'm really happy... this time, I'm happy with a little thought to balance it.

As I look back on the photos we took these few days of swiming I realized, all of the members were a totally different bunch of people. None of the old Playgroup members were there. 100% new batch. No familiar faces. 

Roy and Valen
It was a bit of a melancholic moment for me, seeing the faces in my digital camera were all new ones. Although that's a good thing considering I'm adding friends, it's a bit sad to think that I'm not with some old ones. Some have resigned, some don't have the same anthusiasm as they use to and I don't have the same amount of energy to persuade them, some... gave up totally. Yet I'm still here.

Which then led me to think, am I the only surivor of this company? Maybe the more appropriate answer is... I'm the surviving spirit of the Playgroup. I denied that I was the leader of the bunch, but now I know I probably am the number 2 person responsible for it (that still sounds like I'm denial ya?). 

Reni getting wet :P
I guess it says a lot about myself. I like to play and I hope that my 'play' spirit lives on even when I get old and wrinkled. This goes along well these demons and ghouls of mining, people that know how to have a good time even though they're in their 40s and 50s and know how to make the most of it. I think everyone should have that side of them that should always remains playful for the sake of... happiness :)

I love my old Playgroup. Not only were they fun, and new bunch are also too, but I relate more to them. They were selfish, opinionated, logical bunch which I understood more hahhahahah... . I was the weakest link among them. So I had less effort to enjoy myself. They were born comedian, people with character!

Speaking of which, reminds me of a video clip I saw yesterday. It was "Charmless Man" by Blur. Love the song, no doubt. I knew what it meant before, but looking at video made me understood more what it's all about. A person can be successfull. Money and riches can be at his palm, but doesn't mean his a great man or a decent man even. No character, no charm, not interesting. He might have a hugo boss suit, but I pick Damon Alba with his leather jacket and sneakers.
Novi and me
Relating back to the Playgroup... I woulds say the old group are charming men, let's see what the new bunch are about :).

Saturday, October 2, 2010

A room in the sky...

I sometimes wish I had a room in the sky. Waking up in the morning would be a breath taking experience everyday. And when I had my shower in the vapor of clouds, I'd start the day by saying Hi to the flying birds, and stepping out, jump, and skydive to start my activities. What a great life that would be... now, how would I get back up there? Hmm...

That's why I love sleeping in small planes. Because I wake up to an incredible sight every time.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Good, The Bad, The Nothing

Some people consider being bad is easy. Just break the rules, don't follow any of them. And especially when you're high or drunk, then... it comes naturally. But it's also hard to be bad. Try being the bad guy in a situation that needs one. Rarely does one step up. And at these times, the people that do are the bad guys or actually doing the right thing. Or even try to break rules when you're basically a good person. It takes guts to break rules when you know that it would damage property, create loss, and even conflict danger to other beings. Especially when you have aged in your life and is presumably... wiser. But too much has been said about being bad anyways... so I'll skip it.
So is being good any easier? I think there is a misunderstanding about being good. Of course the term 'good' is relative but I'm not debating about it. The misunderstanding, I personally think is from either being good or doing nothing at all. Many of us tend to staple the 'good guys' to those that live their lives and not getting in to trouble; living live as it should be. While I think that this is the case of doing nothing. While being good is actually trying to be a saint. Helping people, saying thank you and please, no to be rude or impolite, of course to my own standard. So what are you? Or tp be more precise, what am I?
Take for instance when you see an accident happen and you just stair and watch. You're not laughing at the victims which could be relatively bad, but your not helping the victim at all being relatively good. You just watch... and see... and twit or change the status of you social network... and then tell someone. This is the case of doing nothing. Your neither good or bad.
Being nothing really depends on what your term of being good or bad is. If your default is being bad, then nothing is good. But if your default is good then nothing is bad.
I admit to be more of the doing nothing kinda person. I'm not good... I'm abstain. If I want to claim to be good, I should do good. If not that I should be bad. But not nothing, considering nothing is floating away.
In the case where people have a more colorful life, it's either being good or bad, and never nothing. I will not judge whomever has read this, even though I have made a verdict to which is good or bad or nothing. I'm applying this to myself as a reminder of what I want to be....
Why did I ever have this thought? I was reminded by a conversation I had with a new friend. It was spiritual and philosophical in mid day. Miss timing but valid. And I came to the 'wonders of mine' being... why am not that afraid of death? Am I a self righteous person thinking I've done good? Or am I bad having lost faith and fake believe that there is a consequence to my life on earth? This still remains a wonder since tendency is still on both side... I'll save that for later. 

Monday, September 20, 2010

In the Sahara

I'm so bored and down. I'm bored of work and really bad at it at the moment. My life is unplanned. My love life suck. My life is bland.

I don't know what I want now, and that is the most dangerous thing in life.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Source of Silliness and Happiness

As I have mentioned before, I like silly things. I like weird, absurd, mind boggling things too, but silly makes me laugh and let me quote King Julian in Madagascar 2, 'I like laughing'.

It makes me wonder why I have such liking to the silly? I was reminded when I was gathering with old and new friends. It is at my age or so that people like to look smart or, I'm sure, are really smarter than me. They can joke between the politically correct and incorrect. And as I sit amongst them... I was a bit bored. Maybe the jokes was internal, maybe it was plain not funny, I'm sure it's because I'm not smart enough, but I kinda turned my interest to the other interesting things around me. It is then I realize I rather see someone put a Date (the fruit) up their nose and be silly and improvise on that rather than word play with facts of life. Well I like having half and half of everything. You can't expect me to keep up with  smart all the time, can you?

Then I wonder, why do I always want to be 14 when I'm clearly 30? Why do I always look for silliness? And when you're looking for an explanation for something in your life, the easiest answer would be... blame the parents hahahahaha...

My mother is the silly one actually. She loves to laugh and do things her way even though she knows it's silly. She admitted to me once that sometimes she does it on purpose just to make the ambiance a lot lighter and happier. It is this month (Ramadhan) that reminded me also of her silliness. It is on Idul Fitri where one of her antics just shakes my head. She loves to pray Ied at different locations. It just has to be not at home an she doesn't mind the distance (sigh!). For this purpose, she would leave my dad and brother (she takes me of course) to pray at home. She likes picking fancy mosque and prestigious fields as we are doing so this year, at the Gasibu field where the Governor will pray. Yes... the reason is because the Governor will be praying there. She likes to look at the people's fashion, people that really dress up for the occasion as she does, seeing TV cameras installed everywhere as if she was part of the shoot itself and just having a merry time. For her, it's extending her knowledge.

I use to despise this act since it was so much of a hassle. Until one day, she told this fact to my friends mother who was lying in the hospital. She told it as it is, and it was funny as plain as it was told. I had to chip in since... I too eventually fall for her seduction to follow her plan and confirm that all of it was true. My friend and her mother had such a stomach ache from laughing. I could see how silliness brought happiness. And that was what my mom did for my friends mother, a few months before she died.

It is my mom that rather ask for my dirty clothes everytime I come home and not ask for say souvenirs or fancy stuff from where ever I've been. It is her that would take singing lessons and really sing in front my dads colleagues for the sake of having an audience not really caring what it would do to my dads reputation. She is also the one that would rather hang out with a TKW (Indonesian slave.... ups!) in Arab so she could see the inside of a rich family's condo (she told me all their doors opened up automaticaly like in a space ship, God bless her!).

I am blessed to have her taste in humor. And it's this silliness that I have discovered many happiness. And little did I know, my Mom always slips her positive attitude in each of her silliness making my life as positive as it is. For that I thank her and I thank God for giving me such a silly Mom :p

PS: She was right you know. Because she loves to pray in fancy mosques, I now know the insides of many mosques that some of my friends don't. Hmff what do you know?

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Fan, Fans, and Pineapple

I don't know why people have to go out to have fun. Sometimes the best times are at home... I haven't had the privileged to play around with Sylvia, my mac, thus I did. I thought I would do some pictures ANTM style, complete with a fan and everything... I'm sure Tyra would be proud!

 This is fan speed one

This is fan speed 3

 These are fans :p

And this is being 14 (again)!

I just told ikansapisapi on how there are so little amount of people that are silly lately, especially people in my circle. You know, the kind that would wear panties on their heads, and go out singing on the streets. People that would do stupid but still responsible actions. I miss wackiness and I long for it. It's good crunchy laughs that anyone would enjoy. Why be prestigious looking and cool when you can be silly and happy.

The Muhaha dance.

And I was looking too far. The silly are around me. It's about joining forces and having fun with it. It's my housemates that are definitely looney, it's my indohoy mate, and it's me if I just had enough creativity. And I actually I think I know where it all roots from for me, but I'll tell you in the next post. 

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


So bored in the office... trying to stay awake.... failed.

I just dozed of a few minutes in my chair. I'm bored. My work is almost complete but needs an OK from the boss. I'm blogging to avoid other snozzing hazzards like an open mouth when sleeping, drooling, and snoring..

It's working, but what happens when I stop blogging? .... zzz...

Monday, August 23, 2010

The pathetic bunch

Tis the month of Ramadhan again, and our social calender is booked!

This year, I've contemplated on the idea of break-fast together as what Moslems in Indonesia mostly do. I've been wondering, why do we do the break-fast together, and why is it such an important event to have a break-fast together with friends in this month, when in fact you can do it on any other day? Some say it's to strengthen human interaction, which is true, and there is more blessing during this month... but I can't understand the fuss of it??? but anyways... I attend this social gathering when I can.

Now, what came to mind is actually what I thought about after I did my break-fast with my high school friends. It was a mini reunion, and only the 5 of us could make it. Another one attended by speaker phone. It's a pathetic reunion by number I admit, but not by quality.

Since I don't hang out with them much, I used the ultimate no no question when meeting old friends or new ones... "what do you do for a living?". I don't like using this question when there is so much more you can ask about... but I was a bit curious. My friends were: an architect that had his own firm, a contractor in BTS and communications, one working in government civil department, and one is a  in business development in oil contractor company, and there was me (but enough of my introduction). The last 2 friends graduated had a masters degree abroad. The one of the phone use to work for a prominent newspaper. 

To my surprise, this mini bunch has reached a state of success. And as I recall, we were a pathetic pile when it came to academics. I cheated on my test (don't tell anyone that :P). I was better at 'techniques of cheating' than what I cheated on. My friends were too. And some are just blind when it came to test and quizzes. I remember exactly, the business development dude, he couldn't do sinch on any test. But now he's developing his bosses business for oil, a very high profile business. The civil development dude was also a disaster in school, but who can deny his scholarship to Russia? Not to mention the one devil I have at home which we went to the same high school.  She struggled at school, but now is holding a prestigious award for script writing.

Seeing where we are, what we do, it's clear to me that we were really lazy and clueless back then. We weren't dumb (or as we hope to believe), we just didn't know how to learn how to digest our knowledge and how to use it. We were better than what we use to be... and thank God for that! I'm glad we even passed high school. Could it be my high school facilitates rejects and slackers in the best way so that we can still survive the last of the teen years? I'm proud to see where my sad pathetic pile of people ended up, I'm proud that most of us can feed ourselves and not become parasites of others... high school was so overrated and not the best years of my life... I'm glad I didn't feed in to it too much because it really wasn't what my life was about :) 

Yaahhh I don't have a picture for this blog :( Sad.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The concubine

Why do people cheat on their husband/wifes? Can't they be grateful to have that somebody that will always be there? Probably that significant other has change or didn't live up to ones expectation, but in the case of a marriage, shouldn't you work it out or just quit it THEN find another person? Why should they be greedy and want it all?

In a few cases, I've been the potential cheating object by married men. I can't say anything about cheating women, but in the case of men... they really like testing out the waters. See how far they can go. And of course, I've never followed any of these leads. For simple reason: I want to get married, and I don't want to say 'payback is a bitch'. Even if I'm head over heals for them. I don't even bother men with girlfriends! The universe has its karma and I refuse to evoke it.

A friend said that men need variety, and I'm supposing that women do to. But is that really a legitimate reason to even flirt around, seeing who bites the bait? What is it they are looking for? And I do believe, cheaters do not realize the cheat.

Still being single (and hopefully not forever), I seriously would not think of cheating. In the case of just getting 'that one I've been long for' is hard enough, I don't think I'll take him for granted. I've been fortune told to have 2 marriages, but I'm praying that it's not because I cheat, if I do get 2 marriages.

It's frustrating to be single, looking for love, and ending up with potential of tainting another. Why can't men just go fuck other people's marriages instead and get the whole chaos working to the fullest, rather than mucking about with innocent souls like mine. Because once single gals that cheat with married men are left... they are left alone (well probably with a kid, ouch!), but other marriages... they still have they're family to come back assuming the cheating was possible...

As strange as this world seem to be, it never cease to always be stranger every day...

Saturday, July 17, 2010

What the stars mean?

Usually it would be a discussion about Horoscope... but I decided to blog this time because when coming in to the office tonight to browse I looked up at the stars. In an isolated island, with little light and a no air pollution, star gazing is at its best.

It's been a while since I've looked up at the sky at night and got lost counting the stars. I don't go out fishing anymore on this trip because the waters are a bit rough for such activity. But I realize, it's when I star gaze I feel very much close to God, feel in awe by his creation and how small and insignificant I am. It is then I feel I have no right to be arrogant, too proud, and above all. It's a feeling opposite to what I feel on top of a mountain which is feeling close to my creator and, although insignificant, I feel like a part of the universe, a speck that can not be neglected either. Everything mixed together and precipitates slowly in my mind.

It's at times like those days when I look at a certain star and wonder, is there someone like me on another galaxy staring back at me. Or am I just starring at a dying star... and then I wonder...

If a W is a double u, why isn't an M a double n?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

To Be Happy and Congratulated...

It was ma birthday ... it was ma birthday..... *doing birthday dance*

And yes, I finally hit the big 3. I'm 30 and actually quite proud to say it! Being 30 is... different. Usually, every birthday morning I chant my age to my self... 'Today, I'm ... '. OK it’s a bit tacky, but it’s my way to feel my age. It didn't feel much different throughout my 20’s, except for 29 because it was coming in 30. But on the 30th…

It was different, because it was more to...'ok ok... I kinda get the picture now' feeling. In a sense a bit wiser, in my own portion of course. I can see that there's more to life and there's not much more to it. Life is life, it's just what it is. I feel 30 although I still felt 22 just before my birthday. And I think I still feel 14 when I’m on weekends. Shouldn't everybody?

It wasn’t a smooth transition. I had a meltdown, shouldn’t you have one? Contemplating on what you have done in life, what you have achieve, what you wanted, what is in store in the future, your failure, your downside, the things you don’t want and avoid… shouldn’t you have a meltdown as part as the process?

Another thing that I learned was the meaning of congratulating someone on their birthday. In the Indonesian language, saying ‘Happy Birthday’ is actually ‘Selamat Ulang Tahun’ which means ‘Congratulations on your Birthday’. If it was a ‘Happy Birthday’ it would translate to ‘Ulang Tahun yang Bahagia’. That’s interesting. It’s a different context for Indonesians maybe. We congratulate those that have reached a certain age. Is this philosophically connected to the fact that in a developing country death is merely around the corner? Who knows? *shrug*

I thought it was all just BS. Now, never dreaming to be 30, I realize it is some achievement to reach such age. Think about it, you didn't get killed playing too much while you're a kid, you didn't kill yourself during hormonal teenage rage which was the hardest period of my life, you didn't give up when you had to feed yourself, and you didn't slit your wrist when the person you loved didn't love you anymore… you survived! We should all congratulate each other after passing so much.

So ‘Selamat Ulang Tahun’ to me. And a Happy Birthday to me. And to all that will and had a Birthday. It is no doubt something you should celebrate.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

And the neighbors are whispering…

I have underestimated the power of dangdut. I've never been so sure why the Indonesian people love it so much either than because the singers wear relatively  skimpy clothes and they move really sexual as in sex positions and moves :P.  But since I've been exposed a lot to it, I've come to realize, there is a whole different league underneath the shallow surface.
Singing to it in karaoke mode as loved by many Indonesians , I realize dangdut uses so much metaphores that even to my logic is geniusly exaggurated and still remain tacky.  Let me use an example:

-Bisik-Bisik Tetangga-
Originally sung by: Elvy Sukaesih
Bisik-bisik tetangga mulai terdengar selalu ditelinga,
Sehingga menusuk di kalbu
Mengapa engkau harus menyimpan sekuntum mawar merah dibalik kelambu hitam?
Pabila dirimu ingin mencari hiburan, tapi sekurang-kurangnya jangan jual kasih sayang
Walaupun cintaku kau anggap layu di tanggan, tapi sekurang-kurangnya tempat memadu kasih sayang
Dia memang cantik, merayu semakin menarik
DIa memang lincah, selincah burung merpati.

Neighbours are whispering in my ears,
and they're starting to bother my concience
Why must you hide a red rose behind a black mosquito net?
If you're looking for entertainment, at least don't sell your love
Even though you think my love is dying in you hands,
But at least you have a place to share love
She is beautiful, her teasing is seducing
She is frisky, as frisky as a dove

Exactly.!! WTF??? What does this mean? I didn't understand it either. Red rose behind a black what? Entertainment by selling love? A person moving like a dove? Really?
But to the Indonesians this means everything:
Why look for another when you have me (wife/husband) to love you even though I'm your compromise love.

The entire song is telling us about the neighbours gossiping because the significant other is having an affair somewhere.

That's all it's saying. And although it's saying a simple message, it's expressed to the max in sentences that will definitely lift your eyebrowse. There is so much more metaphors used in dangdut, things that would never EVER pop in my mind EVER! Did I say ever?

Dangdut is very melancholic and poetic. A poetic level that is so tacky as if there is nothing else there is in this world either than Love. (And isn't that what this world suppose to be?) It's written by simple minds, head over heals by Love may it be happy or sad, rewarding or disappointing, betrayal of others or by gold or the parents will.

Not to mention the technique of singing dangdut is really hard. They have what you call a cengkok. Pop singers always have difficulty to sing dangdut because of this. It's like R & B singing with all the vibrations and modifications. It's a Melayu thing. Because Wetar and this dangdut antics, I have a bigger appreciation towards dangdut. I understand more of what the Indonesians are about. After a dangdut session, they're all happy and ready for the next day. It's a story and remedy for us. And who ever wants to understand Indonesians, should always start singing dangdut. Seriously!

I use to say that I like the old dangdut songs, but I delete that. I like all dangdut songs because they mean so much more on a different level. And I will always love it as long as I don't have to listen to it too much. 10% of my whole music genre would be enough :D

Eventually I enjoy singing to it, especially if the other employees join in and dance to it. I feel like a dangdut singer, in a corset, miniskirt and boots, ready to be thrown money at. I feel special :).

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I stopped running for a night...

I watched 'The Runaways' a few nights ago. I felt like staying in for the night since I was quite fatigued uploading indohoy. So I watched The Runaways...

Needless to say... I loved it. And I recommend you to watch it. It's a classic tale of a rock band to the end. Well except for Joan Jett that rocks on \m/.

The original Runaways

One of my favorite character was Kim Fowley. Kim knew how to make a rock and roll band. He knew how to evoke the spirit of such raging little bitches.  He knew what to say and everything he said about rock and roll and the male dominated industry was true. He said the truth. He knew how to rock! \m/ I didn't really like the movie version so much as imagining how the live person would be.

But what I felt after watching the movie is my point. I cried. I cried on the 2nd of July 2010, 5 days before my birthday becoming 30. I cried in bed, in my pillow so that the guy in the next room couldn't hear me sobbing. I weeped my eyes out. I cried because I was tired.

Joan Jett had a strong spirit. She had a empowering spirit for all aged women and she kept on going. Sure she probably was a bisexual, but a spirit to spread emancipation all the time is still a spirit to be praised for. A spirit that I wanted to have, and that night, a spirit that I let go off...

I was tired being such a tough girl. I was tired being one of the boys. I was tired of protecting myself of male danger. I questioned why I ever did so? And I question if I will ever continue to do so? Why should I? Empowering women? So guys see me as equal? What is the fucking point? It got me nowhere, and I didn't know if it will get me anywhere else. I was a bit damaged in the past, but I know I can't dwell on this forever. What is my point all this time?

I couldn't answer my question. And I cried harder. I was just exhausted to contradict every male trait and comment passed at me and all women kind. Most women probably wouldn't care if I did anyways.

And untill now, I still can't answer my own questions.

I praise Joan Jett and all her fellow emancipator for doing what she does and having the strength to keep on doing it. For maybe I can not :)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Another side of learning...

I learned a lot from my first experience of diving. I’ve bloged about it in indohoy, but for traveling reasons. On the more personal side, I’ve narrowed it down to 3 principal revelations.

- Diving reminds me how mighty the Al Mighty is. She works in details and very hard core at it. I can’t even comprehend the reason why She made such a world that is limited to ours. It was mind boggling already knowing there is a lot of commotion in a forest without humans actually realizing it, but the underwater world is a different league. We even have to use gadgets to get down there and see that humans are not everything, yet significant on this earth. Why is there a parallel world even amongst us now? Fish couldn’t care less about humans once we’re underwater, we are mere fireflies in their world.
- After being exposed to the diving community, the soon to be diving community (including me at that time), seeing a parallel world underwater, then rushing back to the big city afterwards made me realize how lonely I am. And I’m not just talking about the romance side. Of course, it was heartbreaking not having that someone to share this wonderful experience. But this is beyond that. It’s as if I don’t belong anywhere. Being so happy underwater with all its wonders, and then coming up for where I truly belong and to society I barely know even until I get home, made me fuzzy to the identity I’ve established so far. Where exactly do I belong? Not to mention when I contemplated it with my love of traveling, having a sense of always traveling as home. Huff…
- On the other hand, the wisdom of learning something new, seeing something different, and meeting new people is also unexpected. I’m more content with myself after diving. I’ve accepted more of myself than I though I could. I’m happier knowing there is more to life than ours in a way. I am more stable in a sense. And I found my slot to shut up more even though it bothers me. A sensation I didn’t see coming. I love being in the water, and probably most of the time will be. And it’s for sure one of my escape from the terrestrial world.

To tell you the truth, it was a hard few days after diving. Being lost and not knowing exactly what was wrong with me. So it was a relief to have found these conclusions. I’m not sure what it will implicate in my future life, but anything I blog is that anyways :D
And oh it’s so hard to stay out of the water after seeing what is in it. I feel you Danang!

Monday, June 21, 2010

I was 14 this weekend...

It was how I spent my weekend, 19 – 20 June 2010. I spent it like I was 14.

Friday night:
Hung out friends at their place. Had a few bites, had a few laughs, and browsed a bit on the internet. Had hot chocolate, lot of snacks and then headed home. Just another typical Friday night.

Woke up late. Came over to a friends place. Wore a skirt since I usually wear pants, kinda the opposite to when I was 14 having my uniform a skirt and going out in jeans. Went to a totally new area and had to wonder a bit before actually getting there. I didn’t have BB when I was 14 and neither do I have one now. So, I entertained myself by walking and asking around before I actually got there. Had her moms cooking, had a nap while my friend was watching a DVD in her room, met her mom and acted like a 14 year old coming over to her friends place. Said goodbye to her mom since we were going to the mall to shop. Had my backpack on and got on the bus. After a minor shopping session, hung out with friends, talking about everything including intimate details of thoughts including boys. Then I slept over at another friends place.

Wee hours spent having a little fun dancing with Christian Walkers ‘Weapon of choice’ on V channel and a song from Chemical Brothers. Baked a instant chocolate cake in the middle of the night, and having a fashion photo session, taking notes of Tyra Banks ANTM and putting it to action. She would have been proud. We were fierce! Taking couture to the next level. Fell asleep talking about life and boys, companied by sound of roosters walking up.
Got up late again. Had a lazy morning, late lunch, and sorry for an excuse bath in the afternoon. Phone was practically dead. Again, like I was 14, without mobile communication. Met another friend and went to Ancol to play with kites. Alright, these are grown up kites being heavier and bigger, but nonetheless still kites. Blue sky and great breeze added the whole ambience of play. Headed back and got a bite with new friends. Was dared to have a shot, and took the challenge for the sake of it. Talked about the most generic things, and then headed home.
Considering I’m coming in to 30, my life hasn’t all changed sometimes. Again, while playing kite, no body though I was already working, still thinking I was going to college. So to contemplate on is it a good thing or a bad thing to be almost 30 and yet live as 14? I say it’s a good thing as long as you know when to act 14, cause it’s never good to act your age on the weekends.

By the way, here is vira's say of the Saturday night ... here!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

When it Comes to Travelling...

1. I prefer traveling with a small group of people. Friends would be the best but I never reject any opportunity to travel with strangers.  I've traveled solo before and I didn't like it. I also don't like to travel with a lot of people, because the compromise is too much. 

2. I don't like tours. I don't like the limitations of a schedule and the restrictions of venturing beyond, especially when it comes to the money I make and the nagging of my parents that I have to hear eventually because of the trip.

3. I'm a sucker from motorcycles. I love traveling with them. You see everything, you feel the wind in your face, you get burned, you smell everything, and you get wet when it rains, you experience everything. Unfortunately  can't ride them. So when I do travel, I usually choose Ojeg as my main transportation (if I'm alone) or I rent one if my travel mates can drive one. 

4. I dread the 3 day limit. It's not that I hate a place after 3 days, on the contrary, a place grows on me after 3 days. I synchronize with the local frequency after 3 day, and after this point, I usually don't want to go home. 

5. I love local merchandises. But I should always limit myself in buying things. Not because I can't, but because I end up with too much stuff which eventually turn in to junk. I don't like not using my stuff.   

6. I like the revelations I get in my head. I don't remember them all, but I know I have them :) A list that I don't think I can ever finish.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

To write or not to write...the question is good?

Everyone is writing. Everyone has a blog. Yet, are we all writers?
After a poor research, writer is defined as:

1. a person engaged in writing books, articles, stories, etc., esp. as an occupation or profession; an author or journalist. (is blog writing considered story telling?)
2. a clerk, scribe, or the like.
3. a person who commits his or her thoughts, ideas, etc., to writing: an expert letter writer. (yes, we are writers by this definition)
4. (in a piece of writing) the author (used as a circumlocution for “I,” “me,” “my,” etc.): The writer wishes to state….
5. a person who writes or is able to write: a writer in script.
6. Stock Exchange . someone who sells options.
7. Scot. a lawyer or solicitor.
(taken from:

Well, by definition number 1, 3, and 5, all who writes are writers. Thus anyone that writes words randomly is considered a writer. Being a writer seems to be so hip today. Sally, a friend of mine pointed that out, that everyone is somehow in a café or food court r somewhere typing on their laptop, expressing themselves. They all have something to say or write about. But not all are privileged with the status as a writer. I guess the question probably is, are you a good writer? Are you significant amongst those who write? Come to think of it, all blog writers are actually stimulating the publishing world. Those that write well would get publish, or for the case of being online, have a lot of readers. Those that write crap, stays crap. I think I am amongst the crap :P

As I once blogged, in my opinion good writers are those that have something to say, something significant, relevant. Well at least that’s my opinion. On that note, I know what I should write about if I ever do, even in the form of a blog. It may not be significant, but it could be relevant. One reason is  I still have a good feeling about it, and that it’s a necessary website. Other reasons, well you’ll probably find out.

How to be a good writer? That’s another challenge. But as I recall from a comment of this blog, you can learn how. The most significant tip I got is, rather than spending time chatting and facebook-ing and browsing or sleeping (darn this!), wanna be writers should just write. And they should always remember, it’s hard work to make it anywhere. I paid my due since I got sick a few days uploading indohoy stuff and getting not enough sleep. But I don’t think that’s enough… d’oh!

But one thing is for sure, every writer that writes honestly and unforced is the best writer. And I've just realized that this applies to myself. And I will try to remind myself of the feeling when writing anything at all. But to think we are all writing… are we all reading?

Talk about reading…

Dear Karen Armstrong,
I’m sorry but your book was eaten by my dog. I guess she was a bit restless about the theme when she saw it on the table one night. She probably read the book and got upset before she ever finished. She has issues. Oh well! Again, I’m sorry. I know there are more of your books published anyways and I’ll read this one till I’m done. I’ll tear it up if I don’t like it in the end. I'm not like Michelle, I don’t judge a book by it’s first few pages.


Monday, May 10, 2010

It's raining it's pouring, the old man is snoring...

It's a Tuesday today and it feels like a Sunday. It's been raining since dawn and the rhythm, although still working, is slow. The coffee isn't working. The urge to constantly pee is what is keeping me awake. It's noon and the sky refuses to show any signs of it's buddy, the sun. Clouds are the main star for today.

Everyone is reducing much of their work because of the rain, except for the ones in the office... like me. I need to finish at least 1 report today. Went up to the plant and it's a shut down day. It's a day with a lot to do for Processing and Maintenance. However it seems like a Sunday since a shut down always results in a less audio disturbance up in the plant.

Got my self half wet because I had to cek the area while it was still raining. I love checking the area while it rains. It's environment action at it's best. Getting wet and staying in wet clothes is what I adore least.

At these times I would love to blogwalk for the next entry I'm doing for Indohoy. With jammies on, socks, and my blanket up to my lap. Or read a book. I haven't read one in so long. I haven't even finished the last one having only one chapter left to read. I'm currently reading 'The History of God' slowly, as I usually read anybook. I left it on the gazebo table... Michelle took a read and tore it up. The cover is half eaten and the glossary is  half gone. Considering my last blog... what an irony :)

Friday, May 7, 2010

Michelle Ma Belle

This is Michelle. The dog at my camp. She's the dog taken in by Opa, our so called grandfather of the camp. Opa spoils her roten with love, thus we are all contagious to give the same feeling towards her. She’s awfully cute, especially when she wags her tail. It’s so full of effort.  

After my trip to Nia's place in Callala Bay, and after getting to know Rosie, her dog, I now have a different perception towards these species. Dogs are pretty funny. They’re kinda stupid like cats, but I think cats are just plain silly sometimes. Dogs are way friendly and super active. They give you relatively unconditional love and the obey orders. Thus, has more function.  

Yet they are abandoned from Islam. Well actually we should avoid their saliva since it’s full of impurities that contaminates our holy cleanliness to pray. That does sound a bit heavy… ah well…  It was said since long ago to be avoided. It was a precaution for Moslems so they can avoid the disease that dog spread, such as rabies I suppose.

So why did God make dogs? If there is a purpose, why aren’t moslems allowed to touch their saliva. And even though there are cures for rabies, why is it that moslems are definite to avoid them? If they were no good, why make them in the first place? Are they some kind of key element in this earth, especially knowing that have to evolve to be so loyal to humans. Take Hachiko for instance, all his life he was dedicated to his master even though his master passed away. According to a website I read, referred by Jowjow my literate mate, Akita’s are meant to be active. Once they're bored, they do silly and even destructive stuff. So what is it with dogs and humans that is so forbidden in Islam? There must be some reason.

Maybe it was from a life time worth of religious dogma that resulted in me to a cat person more than a dog lover. Even if I’ve changed my perspective I still can’t unconditionally love dogs even though I would love to try. Anyways, cats are way funny and they can entertain themselves as they like, not necessary slaves of humans. A trait I love about cats. I am still paranoid of dog saliva. Thus, I will have to partially love Michelle no matter how cute her puppy eyes are. I still hold on to my faith and have to believe that their saliva or even existence is stated as 'danger'. There must be a reason, and hopefully I find it one day and answer one of my questions of life. Like how I found why were meant to ... not eat pork... cos it's just plain good!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Sometimes I think I should grow up already. I should start acting like a mature adult. Many have said that I don't, and I should. To the least I should stop sounding like a kid as a default. Maybe people will then take me seriously on the first impression. I'm reminded lately because I realize I'm more comfortable on site because I act as I want. And most of the time is being a kid.

Hmm.. maybe I should. Why start listening to people now? Well, I can't really differ myself if I am a kid on the surface or I really am a kid all the way inside. Acting like a grown up could help me understand if I am grown up inside.  Maybe I'll get hooked once I look sophisticated, charming, and well poised hehehehe... That is what grown men are looking for right?

But, what I fear the most is that once I start, I can never go back. I become paranoid of what is and what is not appropriate, forgetting that it was made from social consensus, and not absolute rightousness. And eventually you can become narrow minded as many mature adults are. I know a few people that are still childish yet are mature adults on necessary grounds. And they are the most open minded people I've met. Shhh... I idolize that part of them secretly. So I'm at some cross roads here.

Hmm... maybe, I'll try it on some days, and leave it on others just to test the waters. Maybe I'll find a new me somewhere. Although I don't think I can change much by now, but maybe I can find something new that is hidden inside. So probably I should start now and stop blogging on office hours since professionalism is said to be a mature trait? :P

Monday, April 5, 2010

Travel, See, Hear, Speak

People travel for different purposes. Some for business, pleasure, curiosity, or for a certain occasion which sometimes you know you can't categorize as pleasure although it's not business. You know, a friends wedding who you actually secretly hate, family gathering that torture you with question you hate to hear, or some routine obligatory visit you wish yo could avoid.

I sometimes still ask people why they are in a certain place, why they travel, or what are they looking for especially those that are traveling for pleasure, but I don't do it so often anymore. I spare the chance of forcing people explaining the reason if they happen to be on that unpleasant trip. I'm more interested to know what they know, see, and experience during their travels. And so I leave traveling as traveling itself no matter what the reason is.

I don't know why people travel, I myself travel to feed the constant curiosity of seeing knew sightings. I travel to enjoy beauty and to learn about the mailable world. I see things that are breathtaking, mind boggling, and confusing, let it be natural or artificial scenery, or just basic human interest and interactions. I love the surprises I see on the road, the problems and problem solving I have to do, and the unknown for the next second since I don't plan too far on during traveling. Little did I know, I crave for it if I don't get a regular dose of it.

I always thought that people that travel are the wisest. They see more than what other people that don't travel see. But I that isn't the case I guess. I've met the wisest people that never travel and see the most selfish pricks on the way around the world. The wise are the wise, they are blessed with the point where things must turn and they learn from it. And the not... are not.

So where have you been and what have you seen? But we'll leave that to when I see you on the road hey? ;)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Recently, I read an article by about what makes a great blog. I can't really remember all the pointers but the one thing that stuck to my mind is... how relevant is your blog compared to others? What is it that you say that differs you from other people's entry?
Yeah sure you're unique and you're writing is 'original' and no one else can do it, and THAT probably is for the best, but what is it that YOUR saying that is worth writing?

If it's a personal blog, then that is you're prerogative. But if you have bigger goals or want to say something worth heard and YOU WANT TO BE HEARD then... better vogue and make a stand!

As for me, this time I'm not going to be relevant nor significant in this discursus (while it is not a discursus), I will only refer to someone that has said somethings that I have had on my mind on a few issues and have express them better and faster than me. I will support this dude for his relevant views which are spot on to what I believe.

I'm vogueing behind number 2, 7, 8, 9, and 11. Oh and I do like his latest column in the Jakarta Post feature or something, last weekend. I don't stand behind all of them. For some, well we're not from the same habitat so, I don't know what he's talking about. However, I do somewhat dig this dude for he is fairly traditional to a very modern surrounding that he lives in. Keepizle it rizzle indizzle!

Now how relevant is that?

God, I need a brain check!

Friday, March 5, 2010

A side of romantism

I know I talk quite a bit about love, my love life, and other crap about it... but I'm a melancholic and some what romantic, may it be a conventional definition or not, I am. So, I can never get enough love. Who can?
And a few things stirred this part of me lately...

I was first tickled by Chuck of the series Gossip Girl.

It's been a while since I had a crush on a fictional character, and I felt like a teenager again. So sue me :D. But turns out my fascination is not of Chuck... not alone to be exact. It's Chuck and Blair. I haven't felt so envious of a fictional pair for sometime. I'm definitely one of the oh so many fans of this -scheming bitch and the powerful arrogant boy- couple. Not only are they powerful, they 'plan' well, and not to mention full of ambition and guts to do what ever is necessary for their goals even though it will take 'lives'. Now that's rock and roll, honey! But back to the romanticism of it all.... I think they're romantic because they're broken people which meet eventually. I always find broken people finding love in each other quite satire and romantic.

Another thing that is romantic is the song 'Follow the Cops Back Home' by Placebo. And nooo... it's not because I watched their concert, although it did bring the song a lot more alive watching it live. There some warmth in the story of the song, how -probably- again, about broken people doing things together and sharing so much feeling and experience in the presence of each other. For subjective reasons, I feel so much emotion trying to imagine all the events in this song. Ah.. young and stupid and meaningful, present and future.

Here is a read through their lyrics.

The call to arms was never true
Time to imbibe here’s to you
I’ll tell you stories bruised and blue
Of drum machines and landslides

Just one more round before we’re through
More psychedelic yuppie flu
It’s such a silly thing to do
Now we’re stuck on rewind

Let’s follow the cops back home
Follow the cops back home
Let’s follow the cops back home
And rob their houses

The call to arms was never true
Let’s take a ride and push it through
Suspended animation glue
Blame it on apartheid

Let’s spend the night in Jimmy shoes
I’ll give you coats and cheap shampoo
I’ll give you nothing else to do
Now we’re stuck on rewind

Let’s follow the cops back home
Follow the cops back home
Let’s follow the cops back home
And rob their houses

The call to arms was never true
I’m medicated, how are you?
Let’s take a dive, swim right through
Sophisticated points of view

Let’s follow the cops back home
Follow the cops back home
Let’s follow the cops back home
And rob their houses

So, that's a piece of romanticism for you. It's not valentine or the day I found love,... it's just 2:45 am.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

It would be an honor

Within a few days, I would be watching Placebo live in concert. And I'm not trying to brag here. Tonight I happen to see a youtube video of them playing 'For What Its Worth' acoustic. Yes, they are now older and in this particular video, they seem like a washed up band with no fangs left.

But... what goes to mind is... how they use to be a great band. A friend of mine has given up to rock bands that come to Indonesia no longer in their prime, because they're old and no longer have that smack affect. But for me? I feel like it would be an honor still be able to watch them in action. So, for what it's worth, I'll see you there!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Man to monkey.... Monkey to happy? I am the lead monkey

I was praised to be a cute white baby.
My mom had a hard time raising me because she was alone.
I was loved for being the cute active kid.
I was constantly pinched by grown ups. It hurt!
I was liked for being a healthy girl.
I wasn't popular because I was less propositional.
I was teased for being having curly hair.
I did make second best.
I was ignored for being mediocre
I had less expectations on my back
I was underestimated because I was too loud.
I had great laughs.
I was strained because I was too confident.
I was brave enough to bend some rules to my advantage
I was sneered for being carefree.
I saw great places, meet great people.
I was threaten for being idealist.
I made a choice I can be responsible of.
I'm pitied because I'm single.
I'm still happy and patient
Do you think my life is degrading?
I'm doing quite alright right?

a little inspired by 'One Hand in My Pocket'-Alanis Morrisete