Saturday, September 19, 2009

I forgivr

WTF? Why can't I publish my last blog? What's goin on? I put a lot of thought in to it and now I can't publish it. Ohgggrr... Good thing it's Idul Fitri... I forgive you Huaaaaaaa :((

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Feeling a little ambitiousless...

I think I dropped my edge somewhere... I seem to have lost it. I can feel how very much stable my life is and how it is becoming (again) fulfilled with superficial wanting. I think I have given up to the established world since I can just live through it without any substantial problems. Not that I want any, but I do miss some rush. I also miss ambitions, and as Sally analyzes it, the lack of any is caused by my steady life at the moment. There is nothing to fight for, or to be exact nothing that I want to fight for.

Yeah I have a job to do, but is so so at the moment. Yeah I’m still mad at countless issues and antics of the world, but I've failed to have a strong argument and vast outlook, thus succeeding in having such a narrow mind. Am I claiming to have an open mind in the past? Not necessarily, I would like to at least say I try to be. I think, this use to be one of my edges, being able to see another side of things than others.

I don’t appreciate too much music anymore, nor movies, nor books, nor news. I’ve become ignorant and lazy. I have forgotten how much money I wanted to access so many resources in the past. I’m trying to remember what I wanted while I was in college. Hmmff… I can't really figure out what to do with my money now other than to buy superficial things that does not better myself (well maybe better myself a bit, but physically), my spirituality, moreover the world. I think, when people reach this stage, the back door is to just donate money without actually thinking about a better solution or to think of the consequences of such donation?

One symptom that I realize of this loss is that I don't have anything to browse about. I have less curiosity. A whole world is at the tip of my fingers but I have nothing to seek. Even the effortless Facebook can’t help me here,… 5 minutes is enough. Isn't that just pathetic?

Why do I need an edge anyways? The edge makes me feel better. To some extent, it can also make me a selfish pig. But it’s this edge that I find satisfying answers which I can make peace to myself. And although many definitely wouldn’t consider it an edge… it’s definitely much ‘sharper’ than this bland state I’m in.

Have I become that person, who just works without a dream or ambition even for the next day? So established that there is nothing else to seek and that the world is a better place to live in (well it is anyways as I believe).
I've seen so many examples around me so I guess it's a phase in life. But seeing the examples there is... some have failed to step out of it. Hiiiiiii... now that's scary... I hope I can get out of mine soon... I gotta find an ambition...

But I can tell you this, after 10 minutes of trying to remember one ambition, I finally found it. I envy those oriental parts of the world having boybands, making the local girls crazy about the native skin… and the biggest boyband to date… SUPER JUNIOR with 13 personals. Love their single and video "Sorry Sorry Sorry". Why can’t we make one? I still am a bit ambitious… may I even say obsessed to make a successful Indonesian boyband :D (now how would I do that?)